**Warning**
This story contains stong adult language and deals with scuiside and death- if for any reason you believe you cannot handle this story please regard from reading any further.... thank you~*~* Tiffany
***
There he is. His beautiful white teeth shinning in
the bright lights, his manila colored skin draped in
expensive clothes, and his dashing blue eyes twinkling
in the light. Why am I so in love with him? His like
a figment of my imagination; he�s something I�ll never
have. I see him sitting there smiling with his hand
clasped into his girlfriend�s. Him and his damn
girlfriend, oh how I despised her. Her perfect smile,
her perfect eyes, her perfect hair, her perfect
fucking name. I shut the TV off beginning to make
myself angry. Why was I so upset? Oh yeah, because I
bi-polar, because I�m royally fucked in the head.
Does he worry about the same shit I do? Of course
not. His life is perfect, he�s happy; he�s in a
wonderful world of fame, glory, sex, and the high
life. I was so jealous of his life style but I wanted
to be a part of it, so bad. I walked over to the
door and pulled myself into the bathroom. I glared at
myself in the mirror. I looked at my glossy brown
eyes. Why did it make me so mad? I�m just a fan, he
doesn�t know I exist, he doesn�t even know that this
complete and utter stranger is madly in love with
him�..if he only knew.
***
�What�s wrong with you Justin?� Abby asked running her
fingers along Justin�s hands.
�It�s Angel we�re fighting again.� Justin shook his
head.
�Justin, don�t let her get to you.� Abby smiled, Abby
hated Angel she hated her because she made her best
friend cry night after night, she hated her because
slowly and surly she was going to drive Justin to kill
himself.
�Abby, I am so in love with her, her beautiful long,
wavy light brown hair that sits next to her exotic
light brown eyes, and�.� Justin cried.
�Okay�I got it, and I know you are Ju, but you need to
focus on what�s good for you�..not her.� Abby advised.
�I know, and you�re right, thanks for being such a
great friend.� Justin smiled into Abby�s big blue
eyes.
�I�m always right, but I have to go sweetheart, I love
you, bye.� Abby said, kissing Justin�s cheek then
walking out of Justin�s hotel room.
Justin looked out of his hotel window. It was a
perfect view of the city. It was the perfect height.
After a few seconds he�d be dead. He shook the
thoughts of death out of his head and trudged to his
bed silently shutting off his light. He pulled his
tired body into his big bed and placed the covers over
his head. He loved the darkness; nothing was more
relaxing then darkness, eternal darkness.
***
Journal*
I dream about it everyday. You know. Eternal
darkness. It�s the key to all my problems. Sometimes
I wonder if anyone would care if I offed myself. Like
seriously. I woke up this morning and my parents were
gone again. No note, no calls, just gone, as usual.
I wonder if they really give a fuck about me, about
who I am, about what I want to be. When my mom found
out I was suffering from bi-polar depression she was
SO devastated that her precious little princess wasn�t
perfect, something was wrong with her. Since then our
relationship is no longer a relationship.
Occasionally she�ll walk into my room and sit next to
me and watch me sleep, well she thinks I am sleeping.
My eye is half open and I watch her just stare at me
as tears flow down her face. I feel like maybe I
disappointed her in some way but, I know I didn�t. I
can�t help the way my emotions affect my life. I
cannot help it if I�m not a happy person, if I paint
my nails black and love darkness.
Mom I�m sorry-
� I�m sorry for not liking pink.
� I�m sorry for not being a ballerina
� I�m sorry for not telling you when I started my
period
� I�m sorry for being FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD!!
� I�m sorry for writing the means things I write.
� I�m sorry for loving Justin Timberlake, someone I
cannot have, more than I love you����.
I do love you mom- no matter who YOU are, so can�t you
love me too, for who I am?
I HATE my life, I hate life it self, I hate the world,
I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY!!
~Amber~
�Hello?� I hear my mom say from her room, �Yes she is
hold on, AMBER- PHONE.�
�Hi.� I said picking up the phone knowing exactly who
it was.
�Hey girlie,� Celeste said. I hated Celeste so much,
although she was my best friend, she was perfect. Her
aquamarine blue eyes and he long beautiful blond hair,
was just too much for me, but she was the best person
in the world, even though all the guys wanted her, and
even though she was popular, she was still my friend,
and she still loved me.
�Hey what�s up?� I asked her.
�Nothing, were you just watching MTV?� Celeste asked
me.
�Yeah, I saw him, the only thing that makes me happy.�
I rolled my eyes at how pathetic it was. I mean a
fucking pop singer made my day better.
�Geez Amber, you just need to smile once in a while.�
Celeste said. She was right, but I smiled, I smiled
when I watched Justin glide across the stage, and when
he ran his tongue gently across his lips, and when
he�my thoughts were quickly interrupted by Celeste
though, �Anyway, do you want to go out tomorrow?�
�Eh, I don�t know, where do you want to go?� I asked.
�Probably to the bar.� Celeste�s voice perked up when
she said the bar. The bar was my least favorite place
to be. It was a bar that let kids 16 and older go in;
it was illegal, unsafe, and full of happy people.
�Uhh, I don�t think so Cel.� I said.
�Come on Ambs, please, for me.� She put on her baby
begging voice.
�I�ll sleep on it and let you know.� Amber said.
�Alright bye.� Celeste said, knowing full well no
matter how much I thought about it, I was going to say
no.
***
