Sure Thing
By: Sunshine
"Sure thing," Shinya said as he left me to go explore the kitchen. Sure thing? What was I doing here? Me, a grown man, a little lonely at times but there really wasn’t any excuse for it, was there? I contemplated turning around and leaving Shinya’s apartment right there. It would have been the best thing. Instead I made myself comfy on the soft couch in the middle of the living room.
The multi-coloured threads on that sofa suddenly seemed so interesting and I, sitting there feeling foolish, thought back to what had put me in such a position. I could hear pots clanging around as the younger man searched, never making so much as another comment to me. What was that supposed to mean? Had it always been this way and I’d never noticed?
I could start all the way back to when we first met. I was younger then, much cockier I’m sure. He wasn’t. It was destiny to me that I would be a musician, much in the same way that I think Shinya Terachi was meant to be a musician. In that case, was it destiny for us to be in the same band? Was it destiny for us to… no, no I won’t get into it. I’ll simply remember meeting him for the very first time; of course I thought he was a beautiful if overly delicate flower until he spoke. And then, he spoke! That was it; that had to be the moment that I felt my heart skip a beat, that unmistakably masculine voice greeting me from behind a mask of maidenly beauty. It was shocking to me that someone could create such a paradox and live it so perfectly. Of course, he wasn’t always like that, I knew. Not outside the band. But I could never really know because he would never let me in. As if I’d ever be the sort of person to press on the matter. I’m the leader, was the leader, will be the leader. Perhaps nothing ever more.
Which brings me to the fact that I spoke to him once like this, a long time ago. It was late one night, we’d just started in Dir en Grey and the whole world seemed fuzzy. He was walking home, his hair sweet smelling and his attitude reserved yet very I-don’t-give-a-damn. I followed him for a while; he had insisted that I drop him off more than a block from his house. "Why don’t you want me to know where you live?" I asked him curiously. He swung around, a pretty dress twirling in the night air around his thin legs. I couldn’t tell what was in his stare, no, I most definitely could not. It was curious but there was a flame there, lending a golden tint to his mysterious brown eyes.
"I just don’t, got it? I’ve got to try and keep band and life separate." He told me softly.
"But, I have to know." I insisted. Maybe I really had been pressing then, I wonder if it really was for the sake of the band that I asked. "What if we need you?"
"What if?" he asked harshly. "I need this."
"But…" And he kept walking, until I reached out and grabbed his arm.
"Fuck Kaoru, what is wrong? I don’t think Dir en Grey needs me that badly." He said, moving away. I stared at him a moment, wondering how long he’d thought this way.
"You don’t think it’s working?" Yes, I’m the leader. I’m the one to turn to about these things. I wish I wasn’t, every so often.
"Well…" he said thoughtfully. "I just… I don’t feel like I belong, sometimes. I have other commitments and you, well. You understand." He turned away again, noticing when one of his drumsticks fell out of his long coat. He looked down at it, wondering whether or not he should pick it up. I grabbed it for him.
"Hey, why not?" I asked smoothly. It would have been too terrible if he hadn’t understood me then that I personally needed him in the band and it was important for me to express this. "I think it’s just hard, right now. It’s a new band, it’s hard work, but you can count on me to help you out whenever you need it. You are a huge part of Dir en Grey, you must understand that."
"I think so," he replied cautiously. He was staring at the drumstick in my hand. "Am I?"
"Yes," I expressed emphatically. "Yes, you are."
"Okay," he said. Then silence set in, but I was still wondering about something.
I glanced up at him, then down at the sidewalk again.
"What commitments?" I whispered.
"Things."
"Oh, I see. I really do need you though, Shinya. Please, just let me have your phone number, something. Please." As I’ve mentioned, I’m not one to press. Of course not.
"I…" Shinya sighed then, looked at me in a wistful sort of manner and pulled out a pen. "I need to do some thinking, Kaoru-sama," he said as he wrote his name and number on the back of my hand. "Whatever you do, don’t call me for a few days."
"How many?" I asked, unable to move my gaze from the lines of black on my skin that formed slowly into numbers imprinted into my mind. "How many days?"
"How about three?" He said. "Look, it’s getting late, I need to go."
"You’ll stay with us?" I asked, my voice sounding a little hollow even to me.
His deep brown eyes gazed up at a streetlight and nodded. "Yeah, I’ll stay with you." I could feel my heart race as hard then as when I’d first met him. Oh, Shinya, you are such an interesting creature aren’t you? I could never hope to taint you with my ways and who I am. I’d rather just look at you from afar; to keep you just the way you are.
"Here, then," I said as I offered him the drumstick. I don’t know how I must have looked in that dim light, hopefully as calm as I could have managed then. Few things bother me immensely in life, but that moment was one.
"Give it to me next practice." He told me. Almost like a collateral. Like my heart was on collateral?
"Sure thing," I’d told him. Then I waited those long, nerve-wracking days.
I’d called him halfway through the third day, having written the number from my hand on a piece of paper on the wall next to my phone. It stared at me, saying ‘Kaoru, what have you gotten yourself into? Do you really want to call Shinya? Do you hate this?’ Mentally, I nodded to myself every time I passed it. Then my fingers shook, their guitar-string calloused tips pressing the number into the phone. I wanted to get on with it, get on with my life; but I wanted Shinya there with me. That damn guy.
"Kaoru-sama," Shinya’s voice greeted. There was no hello, no Hi, how are you. Nothing like that, just "Kaoru-sama". I practically purred.
"Ne, Shinya." I said firmly. "How are you?"
"I’m ready," Shinya said. "I’m ready now."
"Ready for what?" I asked interestedly. Possibilities roared through my mind like a bullet train.
"Ready to be a real part of Dir en Grey. I really did need to sort out my life, you know?" Shinya said. I let silence lapse for a moment as I thought.
"No more commitments?" I wondered aloud.
"No, no more commitments." His voice cracked a little. "I’ve gotten rid of it all. Cleared my life out because I want to do my very best for the band."
"I hope you haven’t cleared anything you wanted to keep." I said, feeling all at once a little miserable for being such a jerk. I felt that perhaps I had forced this on him, because of my selfish desire to keep such a great drummer, such a great person.
"No, nothing that can’t be replaced." Ambiguous to a fault, that was Shinya all over. It drove me to distraction, still does, in fact. "Do you want to come over tomorrow morning, come get me for practice?"
"Mn…Uh, at your actual place?" I asked in shock.
"Yeah."
That was a big moment for me. Just like now. But now, as I’m sitting on Shinya’s couch many times past when I had first seen it, I think that started a few days ago. On the tour bus, the day before we started to head home. One show to go and that’s always the most exhausting. That day, we sat on the bus, all five of us. I scratched my nose and stared out the window. It was silent except for the irregular tinkling laugh of Toshiya and a satisfied hum from Die.
Kyo glanced at me and kept eating his lunch, the man in question was reading an English music magazine quietly and Toshiya and Die were reading some men’s magazine together at the other end of the bus. It seemed too quiet, but I wouldn’t break the silence if I didn’t have to. Maybe everyone else was comfortable, merely aware of each other’s presence and accepting that. It has been a while now that we’ve been together.
A strand of hair falls into my eyes, blondish now that we’ve grown so far. God, my hair has been so many colours since I’ve known Shinya and all I can seem to think is, "I wonder which works best for him?" I never know. I glance around again and notice that he, with his now short reddish-brown hair, is looking up at me.
"Ne, Kaoru, are you okay?" he asks in that voice.
"I’m fine," I nod. "Am I really being that creepy? I guess I’m just restless."
It’s so different now. He and I are both wearing jeans now, no leather and skirts for the moment, even though we’ve both worn them over the years. Not until later, because right now we’re off stage and comfortable. There is no drama between us any longer, just pure soul. Sure, just Shinya and I, or at least just Shinya and I with Kyo, Toshiya and Die nearby. As close to being alone as I can imagine right now.
"Maybe you should try and get some sleep." He tells me in a concerned voice. I can feel my cheeks shining in response to the hot, muggy weather and wipe them accordingly.
"It’s okay. I’ll find something." I smooth the denim on my left leg and continue to stare out the window. Who knows how much time passes by, but I’m sure it isn’t that long. Kyo’s now finished his noodles.
"Hey, Kao-kao. Do you want to read this with me?" Shinya asks. I look around at everyone, and then nod silently. "I need help with this, anyway. I can’t read the English so well."
"Sure thing, will I read to you aloud then?" I ask, finally brushing the hair out of my eyes. I wonder if he likes my eyes suddenly, and then throw the thought away. Kyo shakes his head, indicating that he’d like to sleep and so I have to find somewhere else to do this. Shinya leads the way up the metal stairs and there is a satisfied clunk to his boots.
I sit next to him, my Shinya, and begin to read. I wish I didn’t think of him this way, not since a year ago when I found him and Die messily screwing around in a change room. It was a frenzied, one time only fumbling but I burned all over with jealousy then. I still do sometimes, thinking of how ravishing Shinya looked then and how much I wish I had been the one ravishing him. "Damn it," I say aloud. Next to me, the younger man looks shocked.
"Sorry, I think I forgot something back at the last hotel," I lie. Revealing my inner most thoughts would not make me a good leader, not to this band that I love so much. I’m entirely content to watch Shinya from afar. So why do I sense that I’m overwhelmed with loneliness?
"Are you okay, Kaoru?" He asks again. "Seriously, I mean. You look distressed lately."
"Um, have you heard this song by Rouage," I begin, fumbling through a change of subject. Am I really that obvious? Oh god, what if I’ve always been?
"Sure," Shinya says softly. "Of course, you let me hear it a few days ago." He looks back down at the magazine and hums to indicate that he really does listen to me. I feel like there’s a tiny fire being stoked somewhere deep inside me. I scratch my chin a little, wondering what to do next. Read some more, why not? It’s not like anything else was working right then.
"So, um… I can’t think straight, sorry Shinya. Give me a moment." I stand, I stretch, I resist the urge to panic and/or yell at the top of my lungs. I’m worrying him, this man with delicate yet deliberate mannerisms and gentle, deep eyes. I can’t stand that. "I’m so sorry, Shinya," I murmur. As if I’m apologizing for the way I feel, maybe.
"Ne, Kao-kao… Don’t worry about it, okay? Come here, perhaps you need a hug." His long, thin arms stretch out towards me and I’m powerless to resist. Sitting there sighing deeply into his chest, the way he smells is something far beyond intoxicating. It destroys all sense of reality for me and I feel as if maybe I’ll be something more than just the leader one day. "Tell me what’s wrong," he insists.
"I don’t really know," I croak softly. "It’s weird lately. I can’t… I don’t know. Oh, Shin-kun, I really have no idea what’s wrong with me. I’m so lonely, you know?" Why did I say that? It’s because Shinya’s always been there for me and because I’ve always been there for him. I’ve kept that pledge to help him ever since the night I asked him where he lived and he gave me his phone number. My special relationship; my Shinya, always.
"I know. I see it, Kaoru. I see how lonely you’ve become." Shinya’s matured so much since I’ve known him; it never ceases to amaze me. In moments that come and go he seems like he’s taking care of me and I’ve just never noticed it before. He laughs quietly, almost chuckling. "You know, I’ve known you for so long now. Can you remember all the things we’ve been through together?"
I think of it, much as I always do. "I remember that time we were sitting on the couch together in L.A. and I tickled you until you nearly passed out and you kept yelling at me that you were going to wet yourself. I remember diving into the crowd to catch a drumstick you didn’t mean to lose before the end of the show. I remember when you thought I was attacking you in a dark hotel room one night and kicked me in the shin so hard I couldn’t stand for half an hour. I remember after when you held an ice pack on my shin to make up for it and told me the stupidest jokes you knew. I remember when you went out and bought me those Marilyn Manson boxers because you knew I’d like them. I’m wearing them right now actually." I laughed, my soul practically glowing at how happy I remembered being with him over the years. Ah, my Shinya, you’ve always been there haven’t you?
He looks at me seriously, staring into my eyes in the way only he can. "Do you feel so lonely now, remembering that?"
My eyes widen, I can feel them so round my face is beginning to hurt. What can I say to that? What does he mean? Oh, god, I could do so many things right here, right now. We’re all alone. Of course you don’t make me feel lonely Shinya, I… I adore you, Shinya. I want to touch you, to smell you, to grab you and throw you on the floor of this bus and… "No, I don’t feel so lonely anymore. Thank you, Shin-chan."
"Mn, lets go back downstairs and take a nap then, what do you say?" He smiles sweetly and stands, swaying gently on the clunky heels of his boots.
"I think I’ll listen to some Plastic Tree up here. You go ahead though." I hear myself say, waving around my CD player. I don’t think I could sleep right now, not with him in the same room. Maybe I need to be alone again. I undo a button on my shirt and start bobbing my head gently. Shinya doesn’t move.
"Oh? Okay then." He sits back down next to me and starts singing along.
Yes, I guess that is really when it started. I think back now to when it was our last show, that night. Last night before we’d be going home and it was impossible to say whether or not I’d see Shinya during the break after. After the day we’d spent together laughing and singing along at the top of our lungs, getting told off by Kyo and generally acting like fools, I couldn’t come to terms with being without him for even a day. The concert started, I was covered in makeup and wearing some leather get-up, putting my all into it like I always do. It’s so exhilarating, to be covered in sweat under glowing lights, doing what I love most in the world. Die came up during the show and rubbed his crotch against my butt for good measure half way through and Toshiya bit Kyo so hard he moaned out loud, a sound the fans appreciated as much as I’m sure we all did. I kept glancing back at the drummer who was wearing a PVC miniskirt and fishnets and comfortable in this outfit as much as he was in the shirt and jeans earlier. I wondered if I dared fanservice him myself.
Shinya was so into the drums that I stopped to think, does he even notice? Would he notice if I went over there and just… Before I knew it, my guitar was playing outside my realm of consciousness as I wandered over to a spot behind the drums, leaned down and licked his neck. It was a satisfying taste, kind of like cinnamon. I couldn’t even think, the sensation was so exhilarating. Girls were cheering somewhere, half in shock. I think I was the most in shock. Shinya glanced up at me, surprised and kept banging away at his drum set. "You rock Shinya!" I called to him as the song came to an end. It was impossible to make myself do anything more. I felt shy and unsure again, none of the other members were taking too much note of the whole experience but I personally felt it was life altering. To be able to taste the one you want most in the world and under a cover, so that you can forget about regretting it afterwards. I knew nothing could ever make me regret it.
I envisioned the end of the show in my mind. Shinya would emerge from behind the drums, happy and excited. He would be adoring, would jump on top of me and molest me right there on stage. The end of the show did come, as it always does. Shinya stood up; I set my guitar down, all ready for him. He took a step forward, looking delectable in his skirt and perspiring sexily. Toshiya bombed out of nowhere, landed on top of him and began dry humping him like a dog in heat. People screamed. I thought I would, too. Die laughed oddly and shrugged, looking towards me. He came up to me, he jammed his tongue in my mouth and while it was erotic and very pleasant, it wasn’t what I was looking for. In the corner of my eye I could see Shinya beneath Totchi, lying there and I couldn’t tell if he was doing anything back. I rubbed Die’s chest calmly. "Need to breathe there, feisty," I teased.
When it was all over (much too long, I felt) I headed back to my dressing room, yanked my clothes off and dry-sobbed into my makeup remover. "Fuck," I murmured to myself. "What is wrong, Kaoru?" And it sounded to me as if Shinya himself were saying it. Can I not move on? Can I not just leave him behind and maybe even find a girl for once? There were certainly a few of them available. No one interrupted me for the rest of the night and I didn’t really feel like sleeping.
It was about three in the morning when I went to bed that night, having spent most of it in the bathtub whimpering to myself like an idiot. I hated the way things were turning out. They always tell you how relaxing bathtubs are, but they never mention that if you’re in there you’re also left alone with your thoughts. I wish I was the type to cry, sometimes, so that it wouldn’t build up inside me and hurt like a bitch. Except that Shinya hadn’t done anything wrong and I had nothing to be hurt over. It was a constant ache, stabbing at me from the inside. "I’m so fucking lonely," I remember whispering to myself as I fell asleep.
The next morning, I was the first one on the bus and I pretended to be asleep by the time the others actually arrived. As I’ve said, I love them all but I just couldn’t deal with talking right then. After a moment I felt a gentle poke in my side. Couldn’t be Kyo, or Die: too soft. Couldn’t be Toshiya, not insistent enough. Must be Shinya. "Shin-chan?" I asked so quietly it was nearly inaudible even to me.
"You’re awake, Kao-kun." He said pleasantly, as quiet as I had been. "I was wondering if you’ll give me a ride back to my place. Once we get home, I mean."
"Sure thing," I told him absently. My eyes were still closed but I wanted badly to see the look on his face. I turned over and stared at him through half-closed lids. There was a funny look in his eyes as he settled next to me and peered at his lap. In it lay a new English magazine and a pile of CDs. I could barely make out the titles, mostly just recognizing Rouage and Plastic Tree. I blinked and wondered if I should get up. While I was doing this, I actually did fall asleep.
Sometime that afternoon I woke up and found Shinya asleep next to me. It looked like we still had an hour or so to go until we arrived home so I stood up and glanced around, wondering where the CDs had disappeared. They were there on the floor next to his feet. I picked up the Plastic Tree CD, nodded and wandered to the front of the bus. A half-asleep Kyo glanced at where I was headed and shook his head. I smirked at him and gave him the finger, being a man on a mission. The front of the bus had a CD player in it, into which I inserted Ryutaro and his band. I set the volume at medium, just loud enough to wake anyone who happened to be in the bus and sleeping. Then I dashed up the metal stairs. My boots had the satisfying clunk to them, now.
I leaned over the railing then, I remember. I stared into the clouds and thought to myself about life, the person I was and where and what I could possibly say to make that different. Eventually I heard a person approach behind me. "Shinya?" I asked tentatively.
"Hai, Kaoru-sama," he said slowly.
"Shinya, I thought you should know…" I thought of telling him then. I love you, Shinya. I die a small death every time I think of you. You…Oh, but you’re so lovely and so unusual. "You’re my best friend, Shinya. I thought you should know that."
"You’re my best friend too, Kaoru." He told me quietly. "Maybe you should know that, too." He joined me at that railing and we stared out into the sky together, two grown men who couldn’t figure out what else there was to say. Eventually I caught sight of my car.
Silence remained while I drove home into the waning sunlight. "Here you are," I told him not ten minutes ago. It brings me up to now. He stood; he smiled at me.
"Will you come up for a sec," he pleaded. "Just for a moment. It’ll be too weird being so alone all at once."
"It always is, isn’t it," I agreed. Then I came upstairs and stood in his doorframe, the doorframe to the apartment I had practically memorized from sheer desire to exist there for an eternity.
"I’ll grab you something to drink, right? How about something hard?" He looked at me quizzically and put his hand against his hip. I was enchanted, as usual.
Mostly I was shocked, though. How about something hard? It rang in my mind loudly, as if a beacon to my nether regions. "Uh, lets see. How about just a glass of wine, if you have any? Oh wait, if I drink I can’t drive home."
"So stay here," he insisted casually. "It’s not like you haven’t been away from your place for weeks now already. A wine, you say. Sure thing."
That’s exactly when I began to wonder what the hell I’m doing here. Just now, I can hear the pleasant sound of a cork popping free from a too-tight space and I’m still staring at the couch. I’ve thought back to how I came to be here now, thought about how I feel and what I need to do to continue coherent thought. I haven’t even gotten around to the wine yet. I’m sleeping here? What’s that? I didn’t even agree to it, I don’t think. But wouldn’t I be stupid if I decided I’d like to leave? Now, when I’m as close to heaven as I’ll ever be. I’ll just sit here and examine this damn couch, prolonging the awkward moment.
"Actually," I hear Shinya calling from the kitchen. "I’ll be right back." A sound in the hallway, I can identify it as the door to his bedroom opening. I’m blinking stupidly and going quietly mad. Maybe, it could be different tonight. I could say what I want; I could represent more than just his bandleader. He’s already said I am, hasn’t he? I’m his best friend. Right at the moment, I’m all for getting drunk off my ass. Fake courage is still some sort of courage.
"Back," he tells me as he comes out carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses. He was wearing pants and a shirt earlier today, I’m sure of it. Now he’s got that damn tiny black PVC skirt on and a black see-through shirt. I think I’m mesmerized. Is he saying something? I can’t even tell any more.
"Are you more comfortable in skirts?" I ask curiously, grateful for the glass of wine he’s handing me.
"I don’t know," he shrugs. "Clothes are clothes, right?"
Ah, but all clothes are certainly not created equal. This little number is far more than I can possibly handle. I’m in love with what he’s wearing! Casually, he crosses his leg. "Oh dear god, Shinya. You look incredible." Did I just finish that entire glass of wine?
"Really," he smiles, smoothing his skirt.
"Yeah." I nod emphatically. "Hell yes. I want you so bad right now." Oh, shit what am I saying? I… is that his breath I feel against my chest? I gaze down at the open, sleeveless shirt I’m wearing and blink.
"Take me then, Kaoru," Shinya is saying to me. I hope this is really happening, I hope to hell this is really happening! "I insist."
"Please, pinch me first. I don’t want this to be one of my fantasies warping my brain and I’ll end up doing something stupid." There is a satisfying pinch on my bum in response and I am far more ready to go than at any moment previous in my entire life I’m on top of him, kissing him, nibbling on his neck. He still tastes like cinnamon, it must be natural to his skin. Somehow, my fingers know where to go instinctively. I could come every time I hear him moan as I rub and pinch his nipples through this ridiculously thin shirt. "Oh, Shinya," I murmur as I pull the shirt over his head. Somehow, the button on my jeans has become unbuttoned and the zipper has been unzipped. Now, I can’t even say anything let alone think coherently. I’m fumbling to slide my hands under his skirt, adoring the slippery sensation of the material.
Halfway up his thigh, I stop. Suddenly I remember Shinya in the dressing room with Die and feel slightly sick. "Shin…ya." I gasp, trying to slow down my breathing enough for him to understand. It takes him a moment to respond, I note with satisfaction.
"Hai, Kaoru?" He asks with a worried look on his face.
"Is this a one time thing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Like with Die?" I say, feeling stupid as soon as the words escape my lips.
"You saw that?"
"Yeah. I mean, I just want to know if you only want me for tonight."
"Because you wouldn’t be able to do it if it were, right?"
"Yeah." Yes, that’s exactly it.
"What if I were to tell you I wouldn’t be able to either?"
"Oh." He slumps over, running his fingers through his reddish brown hair sadly. "What?" I ask in surprise.
"I can’t believe you saw that."
"Forget about it, okay? I’ve wanted to do this ever since I’ve met you and one night eons ago isn’t going to change that." I grab him and pull him into my arms, ready to finally be the one to ravish him.
"Sure thing," he shrugs and turns to face me, kissing me hard on the lips. I’ve wanted those lips for so long it’s like an intense release in itself, all my dreams coming true and all the stress and loneliness melting away.
"Hey Shinya, you know I’m in love with you, right?" I say into his belly button. I’m all over the place; kissing his legs and chest, his stomach, his arms and face. He gurgles something in response, it’s a really beautiful happy sound and I don’t care if I can’t actually tell what he’s saying. I want him so bad right at the moment that nothing can stop me.
I’m sidetracked for a moment though as he pulls off my shirt and then yanks off my jeans. His hands slide inside my grey boxers and stroke me hard. I can feel the familiar clear fluid leaking out of me and onto his hand as he massages my erection. "Mn, oh, oh god I can’t stand this. Please, please let me…"
The only thing between glory and me is a little black skirt. "Can I keep this on?" I ask him. "It’s really sexy."
"I think your socks look sexy, Kaoru." He murmurs. I look down at the white socks hanging messily off my feet. I snicker until he says, "Do whatever you want to me."
I stand him up in front of me, in front of that couch that lately has fascinated me so. His skirt, his –crotch- comes to me at nearly eye level. Perfect. Always the paradox, my Shinya, as I lift that terribly feminine skirt and am brought to see a long, firm erection, plaguing him as much as mine is plaguing me. "You weren’t wearing anything underneath," I say with a grin, just as I grab his hips firmly and take him into my mouth.
He is like putty in my hands, squirming about powerfully as I hold him against me and lick and suck till my jaw aches. I love every inch of my Shinya, every taste and sound he releases to me. Faster and faster I move my lips, loving him fully. I imagine that my blonde hair really does work for him as he grips it tightly and comes in my mouth explosively. It’s hot and sticky, exhausting as it slides down my throat. I can’t stop yet, even as he collapses onto my lap. Trying to breathe, I manage to gasp the words "Anything I want, right?"
Shinya looks nearly spent, his skirt bunched up around his thin hips, kissing my jaw and neck as I rub his back. I’m so hard it’s starting to hurt. "Anything," he mumbles into my chest. "Your body is so hot, Kaoru."
I smile and set him on his back on the sofa. The colours I examined earlier are a blur to me now, I can’t care as I spread his legs and hold his wrists up against the armrest. It takes me a moment but I find my way into him, into the tight, merciless hole of my Shinya Terachi. His eyes are watering as I begin to thrust my hips, ever so slowly at first. "Are you okay, koi?" I ask as naturally as if I’d always called him such.
His eyes widen as he looks up and nods, silently touched by my words. His thin hips begin to move in time with mine and I can feel him beginning to harden again underneath me. The experience is mind-blowing; I can’t remember my fantasies about him ever being this good. "Harder," he cries out to me as I continue to hold his wrists and bang my hips against him repeatedly. I’m not one to disagree.
My release comes as a cosmic experience to me. It’s been so long since it’s been this good – no, it’s never been this good. I’m finally where I want to be, aren’t I? The sun’s gone down but not in my world. I feel as if the world is on fire and my liquid fills the man I fell in love with years ago in hot bursts. I think I might have yelled his name at the top of my lungs, but I can’t even tell any more. He’s pulling me into his arms, kissing my shoulder affectionately. This is what I’ve waited forever for and it’s unbelievably worth the wait. I’m ready to be with him, ready to settle in his arms for the night, ready to accept where I’ve come to be. The look in his eyes as I collapse on top of him tells me two things: that he’s always thought of me as more than just his leader and more so, that this has always been a sure thing.