Ma Cherie: Chapter Six
Author: Scarlet Kozi
When Gackt walked him home that night, neither of them said anything. They walked along in the quickly approaching darkness, once Gackt silently redressed himself in his kimono and escorted Klaha out of the apartment building. No words were necessary, it seemed.
Klaha was still crying when they left the apaato. He was having a hard time controlling his sobs. After Gackt had made that offer, "Let me walk you home," Klaha had looked up at him desperately, furious at himself for being so unable to understand. But he gave a nod after a while, trying to wipe at his eyes with shaking hands. Gackt had helped him to his feet and gently led Klaha out of the closet, at which point he went slightly away from Klaha and shed his bathrobe.
Something in Klaha had ripped open to see Gackt be so unhesitating about becoming naked in front of him. It was as though another trust had been formed. Since Klaha had seen Gackt have sex, Gackt now had even more faith in him, even more childlike belief. Knowing that Klaha would never hurt him. Klaha didn't know whether he should be happy about that, or sad.
Gackt had faced away from Klaha idly, his eyes on the far wall, absent, perhaps remembering what had just happened as his hands came up to untie the belt around the robe. Then he had slid it down his shoulders and cast it aside, giving it one last look that seemed blank ... but one could see the slight contempt, almost drowned by the grief, if they looked close enough. Gackt nudged the bathrobe aside with his toe, his naked back to Klaha's astonished, anguished eyes, and then he went to pick up the kimono and obi that Yoshiki had ripped off him.
Silently, without looking at Klaha, Gackt stepped into the kimono and methodically pulled it back on. Then he fastened the obi around his waist. It made his figure look not quite as painfully thin, but that didn't matter. It didn't matter that Gackt hated wearing it, hated making himself look like the whore that he was.
Once he was dressed, he turned to Klaha. He tried to make his expression blank, but his desolation showed in his eyes.
Klaha was standing by the door now. Gackt had gestured with his eyes that Klaha should go to stand there in anticipation for when they left. Now, when Gackt looked at him like that, Klaha broke down again, softly. He lifted his hands to his face and buried it in them, sniffling and sobbing, trying to turn away from Gackt.
Gackt's eyes softened now, and he bit on his lip. How could seeing Klaha cry make him feel so much pain? He came over to Klaha without saying anything, his posture and his face indicating his hidden concern, which Klaha could see as he approached him. Gackt seemed to wince even as he made himself touch Klaha, feeling that some of his shame might rub off on him, but Klaha didn't care about any of that. He didn't care. Weeping quietly, he tried to face away from Gackt. He didn't want him to see him like this, just as Gackt hadn't wanted Klaha to see him vulnerable.
Although Gackt didn't speak, his composure faltered a little bit, his own distress showing through. He slid his arms around Klaha and pulled the other boy against him, pressing his hand to the back of Klaha's head, in an almost maternal gesture. Klaha was startled at first, and almost stopped crying, but then cried harder. He hugged Gackt back, fiercely, while he sobbed silently, not wanting Gackt to hear his voice so pathetic, either. Gackt was surprised that Klaha gave in to him so easily, for he himself had struggled when Klaha had tried to comfort him. But Gackt only tried now, to do the same for Klaha, even as he was so awkward and inexperienced with comforting others. It had been so long since he'd really had anyone to comfort. Mana and Shinya didn't count.
And then, after a while, they left.
Gackt pulled himself away from Klaha without offering an explanation, though his eyes, dull with their still-lingering pain, showed their sympathy for the boy who had been forced to watch him be violated. Gackt didn't want to let Klaha go entirely, so when they walked out the door and he locked it behind them, he held on to one of Klaha's hands. Klaha squeezed back shyly, as he swallowed hard, wiping his eyes.
They walked down the stairs, out of the building, through the slums, and then back onto the more decent city streets. They crossed the bridge, with their hands still softly grasping that of the other: no glances exchanged, no words spoken, nothing.
When they reached Klaha's house, Gackt dropped him off mutely and left. He didn't go in the gates. He seemed almost too timid to go back in there. Klaha's parents must have been home.
Klaha swallowed hard, however, and felt a frightening thumping in his chest when he looked over his shoulder and saw the way that Gackt's eyes appeared as they gazed at him now, as the other boy started to turn and go back home the way he'd come. Home. Home. He had to call that horrible place home. Klaha felt ashamed of himself, for all those times in the past when he hated his house. He was so selfish, to hate a lavish place full of luxuries and only slight discomfort that was caused solely by his parents, when Gackt didn't even HAVE parents, didn't even HAVE any luxuries! He didn't want Gackt to go. He was afraid of what might happen to Gackt now, and knew that he wouldn't get over this fear for a long time. Part of him would always be frightened of what might happen to Gackt when he wasn't there, when he wasn't able to protect him ...
[The next day]
At school, Klaha was sullen and quiet, as usual. All of his friends clearly noticed. They were all gathered now in the auditorium during free period, to help out with the renovations that the teachers demanded be performed. Chairs were being rearranged, props from the stage removed, and other such menial tasks performed. Therefore, a good hundred students, mostly male ones, were milling about in order to help accomplish all of these chores.
Klaha wasn't participating. He was supposed to be, but seemed unable to stir himself to work. In the rows and rows of chairs in front of the presentation stage, he was sitting in one chair, in the middle of the sea of others, his feet propped up on another one, his arms folded tightly, his hair falling over his eyes, shielding them as they gazed downwards and at no one.
His friends all seemed worried about him. Even Daisuke, who tended to be mostly easygoing, was casting unsure glances in Klaha's direction as he hefted chairs up with his strength and moved them around, about thirty feet away. When he passed Toshi, who was doing the same thing, he murmured some questioning things to him, about Klaha, and both of them looked at Klaha from afar, concerned. But they didn't do anything about it, just shrugged to themselves and kept working, at last deciding that whatever it was, it couldn't be TOO important. They'd been noticing how quiet and apparently distracted, even more so than usual, he had been over the last couple of weeks.
But Klaha was oblivious to all this. That, or he was ignoring it. No one else realized what was going through Klaha's head. How could they? No one else could see the many images floating around in his brain: Gackt's naked body, Gackt wincing in pain at being slapped, Gackt down on his knees, Gackt flat on his back, his eyes closed, moans rising out of him as his body trembled ... Klaha shivered just to think of them, both from his excitement, and his sorrow: his conflicting emotions.
No one else knew, of course, but they witnessed that something was strange about Klaha.
K�zi witnessed all this. Like Klaha, he wasn't doing any work. It wasn't that he wasn't able to: he was a strong enough boy, no matter how slender he was, but he was too busy to distract himself with silly tasks like that right now, when there were so many other willing students to help out. He was watching Klaha, as usual. Normally his eyes were always on the other boy in class, any of the classes they shared together. He couldn't help but be fascinated with him.
K�zi wasn't a bad person. He hoped that he wasn't, anyway. He knew that some of the other students had mixed reactions about him: some of them were afraid of him, because he was so different, because of the way he wore his hair, his makeup, the way he moved, and spoke, when he DID speak. He just didn't care to fit the mold, that was all. And some of them were intrigued by him, wanted to be his friends, merely because he WAS that different. Most of them weren't people that he cared to know. That was something that he had in common with Klaha, K�zi thought. They were both pursued by people who they knew wouldn't respect them enough, when they got to know them. K�zi didn't mean badly towards Klaha ... but he wanted him. Badly.
At the moment, K�zi was seated in a chair, one of the hundreds, but about eight rows behind. Unlike Klaha, he was leaning forwards and not backwards, one leg crossed over the other, his hand on his knee, his black-lined eyes fixed with interest upon Klaha. The other boy didn't turn around to face him. Probably didn't notice that he was there, looking at him.
Finally, K�zi decided to approach him. He got up out of his chair and went to where Klaha was sitting. Klaha didn't look up. He continued to stare blankly, dully, at his hands.
K�zi's eyebrows lifted slightly. Why was Klaha behaving this way? Of course, the other boy was always quiet and withdrawn, but there was something more sad about him than usual today. K�zi resolved to find out what it was, as he lowered himself into the chair on Klaha's right. The chairs were so closely packed together, to ensure that all students would be able to fit into the massive auditorium, that K�zi's elbow brushed against Klaha's without him even meaning it to. Not that he minded, of course.
Now, Klaha flinched suddenly, blinking quickly, his eyes widening, and he looked up and over to his right. He saw K�zi sitting next to him, realizing that he had come. His eyes flicked up and down K�zi briefly, and then the expression in them changed from startlement to slight disdain, as he looked away again.
K�zi was surprised. "What's that look for?" he asked.
Klaha didn't answer.
K�zi merely shrugged to himself and leaned back against the chair, slinging his arms over the back of it so that he wouldn't have to touch Klaha so much at first. He was patient, and he knew that forcing it wouldn't be the way. There would be time for all that.
A moment, and then, from Klaha: "What do you want?"
Snorting slightly, a little smile came over K�zi's face. He was amused by Klaha. "Nothing."
"Nani?"
"Absolutely nothing."
Klaha was beginning to grow annoyed with him. Pain flitted into his eyes for a moment, showing that the last thing he wanted was to deal with someone like K�zi right now when his mind was on other things, other people, other things that he had seen the previous day, that had crushed him. He'd been about to retort something at K�zi to make the boy go away, but then memories of Gackt came back into his head. They'd filled his dreams last night, turning them into nightmares, and had haunted him all day so far. Becoming sad again, he closed his eyes and looked away from K�zi, murmuring, "Then leave me alone."
K�zi didn't leave. He was surprised again, however. He had never pictured Klaha as being quite THIS closed off to him. Klaha had always seemed mildly intrigued by the fact that K�zi was interested in him before, even though he'd radiated the implication that he wasn't entirely pleased with it. Now, he seemed not to care at all about it. He just wanted to be alone.
K�zi was certain that something had happened in Klaha's life. 'I wonder what,' he silently mused, his eyes searching Klaha as the other boy looked away from him. 'Must be some family problem, or something.'
K�zi decided to give Klaha a few moments of silence, so he himself could contemplate. He thought back on how he noticed Klaha's changing behavior.
Just like Klaha's friends, K�zi had been unable to ignore that Klaha was acting differently lately. Why was he even more quiet than usual? K�zi had a talent of following people and staying out of sight, and sometimes he would hover behind corners and listen as Klaha spoke softly to his friends, saying many fewer words than they clearly had expected him to, thus leaving them surprised and worried about him. But spying on Klaha was nothing new. K�zi had always watched him, every chance he got. He knew that his lust for Klaha was quickly becoming obsession, which was unusual for someone like K�zi, who didn't like to get too caught up with other people.
K�zi wanted Klaha. Had wanted him for a year and a half, almost, by this time. But K�zi couldn't help but feel that his chances were threatened now, by the way that Klaha was behaving. If this "something" that was happening in his life proved to make Klaha so quiet, and so resistant to him, like now, then K�zi knew it would be even harder to find a way to get Klaha to accept him. His gaze darkened slightly as he looked at Klaha, studied him.
K�zi sighed and leaned his head back, closing his eyes temporarily also. Some rather interesting images came into his head ...
He fantasized about Klaha often. He didn't want to objectify Klaha TOO much, because he was somewhat interested in Klaha's odd personality also, but he knew that he placed a great focus on Klaha's body and his physical charms, and he wasn't ashamed of that. There was something very alluring about the soft way that Klaha moved. His motions were elegant, graceful, cultured, as though he had been brought up in a home that emphasized good posture and straight strides.
Without opening his eyes, K�zi started to see imagined pictures of Klaha in his head. He wondered what Klaha's face would look like when he was experiencing absolute ecstasy, when someone was pushing him down onto silky sheets, when he was consumed with passion ...
No, Klaha had never had anyone before. K�zi was sure of it. He could tell that Klaha was a virgin, and it amused him. 'He's so guarded. That's a sure sign of it. Doesn't want to show himself to anybody, because he's afraid that they'll take advantage of him, or see him for something other than he is. I can understand that. I used to get that a lot, and I still do sometimes.
'I want someone like him. No wonder I'm so attracted to him. I've been with a lot of people, and I know that there aren't many who fascinate me like he does. I want him because I know that he would be able to show me what real passion means. There's something so delicious about dealing with someone who's never experienced great pleasure before. I can tell that he hasn't. He must have been raised in a pretty uptight home, one that stressed that advancement of self, name, and money are more important than personal pleasure. But I can show him otherwise. I want his intelligence, his hesitance, his distrust. And I want that body, too.'
Subconsciously, K�zi's mind envisioned a picture of what he had grown to think of as Klaha's naked body. He had only seen Klaha's bare skin briefly, in locker rooms and the like, but had never seen as much as he wanted to, and had been left to fantasize up the rest. But it wasn't difficult to see that slender, graceful form through the uniform, through the close-fitting fabric that outlined it perfectly.
While K�zi sat there, he almost became a little too excited. His breath was coming a little faster as he sat there in the chair next to Klaha, his eyes closed.
Then he felt Klaha's gaze on him. Slowly, he opened his eyes and caught his breath, calming himself, turning his head to look at Klaha. The other boy was looking at him now with a slight mix of confusion, uneasiness, and what seemed to be nervousness, all of which were badly concealed. He seemed to want to ask K�zi why he hadn't left yet.
K�zi flashed him a brief smile and relaxed. He didn't say anything as he removed his eyes from Klaha again, but thought to himself, 'I hope you're ready for me, Klaha. I thought I'd be able to wait for you, but I can't wait forever.'
NOTES~I'm trying to introduce K�zi's character into the story more. Don't worry, he doesn't end up as an entirely lust-based character whose only purpose is to chase Klaha and try to get him into bed. Everyone is quite out of character here, of course, and this part is a bit short ... Gomen.
Glossary
apaato: apartment
nani: what
gomen nasai: I'm very sorry
To Be Continued
To the next part