Klaha shook his head. "But Gaku-chan, it's almost eight o'clock already. I told my parents that I was at a study group, and I'm late as it is. If I come home past nine they'll never believe that I was where I told them I was."
Gackt gave a long sigh, and snuggled closer. "I know ..."
The two of them were laying on the bed in Toshiya's apaato. As Klaha had said, it was a little before eight o'clock in the evening, a couple of weeks after the two of them had been reunited with each other. Klaha had begun to find ways to evade his parents' orders, and had been coming to see Gackt at every opportunity, whether he had to skip class or not. But he always managed to keep on top of his schoolwork, to prevent making his father and mother suspicious.
Toshiya had needed to work a night shift today, so he had given Gackt permission to invite Klaha over for longer than usual. But Toshiya was understanding. He always let Klaha stay for as long as Gackt wanted him to, for Toshiya had taken a liking to Klaha anyway, and would never send him away if he kept his friend happy. Toshiya recognized how much affection Klaha and Gackt felt for each other, and he wasn't about to come between it.
Klaha was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, having only run a hand through his hair before coming over, but he always looked good to Gackt. He had discarded his shoes near the entrance, and was now cuddling with Gackt on the bed.
Meanwhile, Gackt had begun to come back to life now that he was with Klaha again. Though he didn't have to work, he tried to help Toshiya out as much as possible, so he wouldn't feel so badly about staying with him and not earning his own fair share, despite all of Toshiya's reassurances. Since he was feeling so much better than before, he made a conscious effort to get himself up every day, and right now, he was dressed similarly to Klaha, in a pair of jeans and a tank top.
Somewhere, a clock chimed to state that it was eight o'clock. Gackt seemed disappointed, and loosened his grasp. "Maybe you SHOULD go ..."
But Klaha had changed his mind, and he pulled Gackt closer again. "Iie. I want to stay."
"What'll your parents think?"
"I don't care. I'll think of something. I always do."
Satisfied with this, Gackt let out a contented sigh and laid his head against Klaha's.
The curtains on the window were drawn aside slightly to show the nightscape. Since it was spring now, it became darker later in the day, and the sun was only just finishing its descent past the high sharp lines of the buildings surrounding them. The sky was tinged a dark blue all the way up near the rising moon, and closer to the horizon, it was orange and pink, mixed with a few reds and purples as the flaming sun slowly went to sleep. They hadn't turned on too many lights indoors, so a few more shadows were cast in the room with each dying moment.
Klaha and Gackt were laying in each others' arms now, heavily embracing each other and merely resting. They treasured every moment they had together, even though they dreaded the times when Klaha had to take his things and go home before anyone became suspicious. K�zi, who was apparently spending more and more time with Kami lately, was kind enough to cover for him, usually.
They were so comfortable now that they were almost falling asleep. "Klaha-chan ...?" Gackt mused softly.
"Mmm. Hai?"
"What are we going to do from now on?"
Klaha stirred slightly, coming more awake for the time being. With Gackt's head against his shoulder, he couldn't quite see the other boy's face, but he wasn't worried. Gackt's tone was only curious. "What do you mean?"
Gackt tilted his head so that he could peer upwards at Klaha's face, nestling against his body. "We can't do this forever, you know," he pointed out quietly, poking Klaha's chest. "For a while, we can, but is this how it's always going to be? I don't want to have to see you in secret for the rest of my life."
"I know," Klaha admitted. He sighed. "I don't want to either."
"Eto ..."
"Daijoubu, Gaku-chan. I have a plan, anyway."
Gackt almost mockingly raised an eyebrow at him. "A plan?"
"Hai." Klaha laid his head back against the pillows and closed his eyes as he spoke. "It's only a few more months until I graduate. And not too long after that, I'll turn eighteen. I won't have to stay with my parents anymore, and I'll be an adult. Like you," he joked, ruffling Gackt's hair. "Then they can't control me. I'll probably go to college or something, or move."
"Move?" Gackt looked anxious.
"But I would take you with me, of course. If you wanted to come."
"If you were leaving, I'd go anywhere."
Even though Gackt's tone had been light and soft, Klaha knew that he'd meant it. Therefore, he granted Gackt another gentle smile and cuddled him closer. "I don't think I'll move, though, unless I decide to do something with my music. Become an opera singer, maybe. Either way, I'll have my own freedom. That's the important thing. You and I can get an apaato together. Nothing can keep us apart then."
"That would be wonderful ..."
"I think so too." Klaha stroked his cheek. "It's agreed, then, that once I turn eighteen, you and I will live together. And we'll stay together forever."
Gackt smiled up at him. "Forever," he vowed softly.
"Then it's a promise."
A few moments passed, and Gackt sighed, stifling a yawn. Klaha only nodded, taking a deep breath, and relaxing.
They remained like that for a little while longer. Gackt seemed to be on the verge of falling asleep, and though Klaha had been tired also, he now spent the time watching his dear friend. He allowed his fingers to gently smooth Gackt's hair, sometimes stroking Gackt's cheek briefly, and the breath that rolled steadily out of Gackt began to grow more and more quiet. 'If he falls asleep,' Klaha thought to himself resignedly, 'I'll never be able to leave.'
He tried to carefully awaken Gackt. "Oi, Gaku-chan. I really should go ..."
The sound that came out of Gackt then was almost feline, a pleading, complaining whine of sorts. He shook his head and slid his arms a little tighter around Klaha's body, leaning his head against his chest. "Don't leave," he whispered. "I like it better when you're here."
Klaha smiled. "I know."
And so, he resolved to stay ...
Slowly, as Klaha lay there, Gackt's breathing DID turn into a steady, even lull, and when Klaha glanced down, he saw through the shadows that Gackt's eyes had closed. The other boy was sleeping peacefully upon his chest. Klaha couldn't bring himself to leave, and so, knowing that he himself much preferred to be here than elsewhere, gave himself over to his weariness. Gradually his own eyes started to flutter closed, without him fully noticing it, and then, he was asleep ...
[The land of slumber]
Dreams slowly wove around Klaha as he slept, entering his subconscious, and he was helpless to push them away. He didn't really feel the need to, for at first they were soft and inviting, painted pale warm colors that danced and comforted him.
He was standing in the ghetto suddenly.
But it didn't frighten him, not yet.
Klaha looked around slowly, taking in his surroundings. He remembered this scene. This was from the fall, he could tell just by the heavy mists, the coat he was wearing, the look that he could see in his own eyes. This was before he had met Gackt. There was something about him that was different when his heart wasn't graced by the other boy's presence. Klaha seemed out of place in the middle of all the graffiti and the turned-over trash cans, everything which was so inharmonious with the usual clean safety of the city he called his home.
Klaha's eyes fell upon a figure sitting across the street from him.
"Gaku-chan!"
How could he not recognize him immediately? Gackt was sitting just as he had been when they had first met, in his lush, tattered kimono, propped against the wall, looking miserable. At first Klaha almost smiled, knowing in his heart that this time he could change that misery for good, but then he noticed something peculiar.
Gackt was crying. That wasn't right. Tears were rolling down Gackt's cheeks, as a sob would occasionally break forth from him. But when they first met, Gackt hadn't had the ability to let himself cry.
Klaha went over to him.
He crossed the street and paused beside the one who he now knew as his lover. "Gaku-chan, don't cry," he said, taking Gackt into his arms. "Please, don't cry. You know how much I hate to see you when you're upset ..." He expected, of course, that Gackt would know him just as he knew Gackt, and that immediately recognition would be sparked.
But Gackt looked shocked, and frightened, and tried to pull away. "D-Don't touch me!"
Klaha was surprised himself, and stared at him. "Gaku-chan? What are you saying?" His heart started to sink. "It's me, Klaha---you know me!"
"I don't know you," Gackt said, shaking his head, still looking disturbed.
"Yes you do!"
"I don't. Please, don't touch me ..." Gackt started to cry again, and hid his face.
Klaha just stood there staring at him. How could this be? How could Gackt not know him? They had been through so much together, and had given up everything just to be with each other. But now, Gackt seemed to regard him as a stranger, as yet another of the people who would approach him and try to purchase his body. THAT was why he didn't want Klaha to touch him. That was why he seemed terrified to see him, because he didn't know him, because he was a stranger, and because Gackt was so hideously tired of prostituting himself.
Then, suddenly, the mists began to rise. They whooshed up rapidly, taking the scene with them, and Klaha felt the wind in his hair.
Stunned, he looked around, only to discover that he was in an entirely different place. He was standing in the doorway of a room now, an unfamiliar place, and was looking across the floor at two people who were poised near a bed.
Gackt was there. He looked different somehow. Now he was dressed all in black, and with shock Klaha recognized these as garments that Gackt had borrowed from him when they had been living together. But there were a couple of small rips in the pants, and Gackt somehow looked even more miserable than before. He was sitting on the edge of a bed, looking up at a man that Klaha didn't recognize. Who was he? He seemed to be in his late twenties, a normal-looking man, who could even be considered attractive, but something about him was almost intimidating.
"So? Will you do it?"
Klaha blinked. The man was talking to Gackt, not him. Neither of them even saw him.
Gackt swallowed hard, and then looked down into his lap. His hands tightened on his knees, and he seemed as though he was thinking hard, very hard, about something. "I ... I don't know if I can ..." he managed to whisper. Especially towards the beginning, he had seemed so blank, so strong, and so expressionless that it was hard for Klaha to see him so weak and timid like this. Gackt said, "I haven't let anyone for a very long time."
A brief pause. "Well, you want the money, don't you?"
"I ... I NEED it ... Hai ..."
"Then what's the problem?"
Now it was Gackt's turn to remain silent. He thought about this very hard too, and it seemed as though there was some inner struggle going on within him. But at last, one side of him weakened and the other became stronger, and he couldn't fight against it anymore. Closing his eyes briefly, he whispered to himself, "Gomen nasai, Klaha-chan ..."
"What was that?"
Gackt shook his head, wiping at his eyes. "N-Nothing."
And as Klaha watched, stunned, Gackt and the man went over the prices. Klaha had never been there in person to witness Gackt making one of these such deals, but now, in his dreams, he was witnessing it clearly. Whether it had happened or not in real life wasn't important, but sure enough, it was happening now, and the visions tortured Klaha's mind. He stirred in his sleep, but he didn't know that. All he saw now was Gackt agreeing on a payment with the man. Too cheap, Klaha could only think! Not enough money being offered, for something so precious as Gackt's dignity! But then, NO amount of money could be enough for that ...
"That sounds fair," the man said, however, contradicting Klaha's thoughts. "Go ahead, then. Strip. I'll get ready."
Gackt tensed up and nodded.
Slowly, Gackt drew himself up to his feet and began to remove his clothing. He seemed to be fighting tears as his hands crept up to his neck, pulling the shirt, Klaha's shirt, off of his body. Doing so revealed his slender torso again, and with shaking fingers, he carefully discarded the garment off to the side. Then he started to remove his pants, glancing up at the right moment to see that the man's hazy eyes were fixed upon him, watching every movement. Gackt swallowed yet again, but could do nothing to stop the man from looking at him. He merely went about removing the rest of his clothing, and setting it aside.
"Good. Ano ... What's best for you?" the man now asked, having rolled up his sleeves.
Gackt only shook his head.
"I have a belt."
A nod. What other response was there?
"Do you need to be tied up?"
Gackt winced. He shook his head again.
There was nothing left to be said. Therefore, Gackt went back over to the bed, each motion displaying how he would have done anything, rather than this. But he couldn't fight it, so slowly, he got down onto the mattress and slid beneath the sheets. From experience, he knew how he'd done this in the past, and so, he mimicked his movements from before. He turned himself onto his stomach and slid the sheets down to about the level of his hips, at least keeping his body mostly concealed. From the waist up, he was revealed. He rested his cheek upon the pillow and closed his eyes, resting his hands on the sheets nearby.
"Are you ready?"
Gackt only bit his lip and gave another nod.
The man came forward then, his eyes roving over Gackt voraciously again, as he held his own belt in his hands. This was his own perversion, and since he had no one to exact it on in his personal life, he had no other option but to pay someone else money to allow him to do this to them. He didn't exactly mind, of course.
The first time that the man brought the belt down on Gackt's back, Gackt let out a small whimper, but bit down on his lip harder and closed his eyes tightly.
"Not hard enough?"
The man started to beat him harder with it, again and again. Each time, another tear wrung itself loose from Gackt's eyes, and Gackt's hands gripped the sheets tighter and tighter.
As it happened, Klaha watched the entire thing from the door, powerless to stop it. He'd felt this helplessness when watching Gackt have sex before, knowing that he couldn't do anything to save him, and now he had to feel it again. Every time he knew that Gackt was feeling pain, it was as though his own back was being ripped open. Klaha's eyes welled up with tears. He was so distracted with his own grief that he barely noticed when the man gave Gackt the money and left, because then, the scene changed, for the final time.
Gackt was left alone in the room now. The man was gone, and Gackt had collected his fee. Once he knew he was alone, he painfully drew himself up from under the sheets, putting the money away, trying hard to stifle his sobs.
Klaha ached for him. "G-Gaku-chan ..."
Gackt pulled his underwear and Klaha's pants on again, but not the shirt. His back was still exceedingly sore, and besides that, he didn't seem to be willing to leave the room for quite some time. He was crying, after all, and in no state to leave. Klaha only wanted to run over to him and comfort him, but somehow, even without really knowing that he was dreaming, he was aware that he could do nothing to help Gackt.
"Gomen nasai ... Klaha-chan ... Don't hate me ..." Gackt sobbed into his hands, speaking to himself, maybe not knowing that Klaha was there.
Klaha didn't care about barriers suddenly. All he cared about was Gackt. But when he tried to walk forward, smoke rose up in the room.
He couldn't explain where it came from. Without warning, a great darkness settled in the room, and Gackt's figure sitting on the bed became more and more shadowy from Klaha's eyes. In fact, Klaha couldn't even walk any farther, unsure of where he was or what would happen to him. He tried to rub at his eyes or to clear his vision, but to no avail.
"Gackt?" he called. "Gackt!"
No answer came.
However, he heard voices through the smoke in the room, and abruptly he could see the dark outlines of not one, but two figures: one was Gackt's, still poised on the bed, and the other was a man standing up. Who was it? Klaha peered to make him out, but it was too hard.
"Damn you! You little bitch!"
The voice was furious, enraged, heartbroken. Klaha was shocked. That voice! But it couldn't be! Yoshiki was dead, wasn't he?
Apparently, such rules didn't apply to visions, though this seemed so real that Klaha was convinced that this was no dream. That was Yoshiki, grabbing ahold of Gackt like that, glaring down into his tear-streaked face as tears of anger welled in his own eyes. It couldn't be anybody else, no matter how illogical it was.
Yoshiki grabbed Gackt by his collar and jerked him upright, holding him tightly by grasping the fabric in front of his neck, cutting off some of Gackt's air. But Yoshiki was heedless of this. He seemed overtaken with emotion. "I know you did it!" he shouted, shaking Gackt as he accused him. "You fucked him! Didn't I tell you not to go NEAR him?"
"Onegai! Stop it!"
"You're MINE! Do you understand? No one else's! He can't touch you!"
"But Yoshiki ... I ... I love him ...!"
"Love him?" Yoshiki seemed incredulous. "Don't be ridiculous! The only reason I let you be a whore is because we need the money. Otherwise, nobody would even LOOK at you. Don't you understand? You belong to ME! You can't love him! You're mine!"
"No ... I'm not ..."
Abruptly, Yoshiki reached through the smoke, and pulled out ... a gun.
"If you're going to sleep around on me, you---you worthless little slut---then---"
Klaha's eyes widened. Suddenly all he could see, through all the smoke, when everything else was blurry and indistinguishable from anything else, was Gackt. Suddenly all he knew he needed to do was get to Gackt, rescue him, before this horrible thing, which Gackt had warned him about, would become a reality.
Yoshiki still didn't notice him. Neither did Gackt. Gackt, still frantic, kept trying to pull Yoshiki's hand away from his neck, having by now noticed the weapon. Yoshiki, tears of rage rolling down his cheeks, lifted the gun and pointed it towards Gackt's heart.
"No!" Klaha shouted, gasping, trying to run through the smoke.
Too late.
There was a thunderous boom suddenly. "Klaha!" Gackt screamed in pain.
Klaha couldn't see. He wrestled with the dark fog, feeling it twisting around him and choking his heart as tears sprang to his eyes. The darkness was overpowering. Gackt and Yoshiki were still hidden from his eyes, even more so than before, and he couldn't even tell where he was anymore.
But suddenly, there was a great silence. The last traces of the boom disappeared into the quiet, and everything, even Klaha, became very still. Almost excruciatingly still. The darkness of the room began to fade away, and the misty black fog started rolling towards the opposite ends of the floor, clearing the center. Slowly, everything became visible again, although Yoshiki seemed to melt away with the darkness. Now, it was normal again.
Klaha stared in horror.
Gackt's body was strewn upon the bed, on his side. His eyes were half open, and his breath was raggedly heaving in and out of him as his fingers desperately grasped the sheets, trembling hard. Thick strands of his brown hair had fallen into his eyes, but his eyes had a glaze over them, and it was probably difficult to see. There was a wound in his chest suddenly, right over his heart, spilling dark red blood over his pale skin, sinking into the sheets, streaming between his fingers.
"K-Klaha ..."
Was the whisper meant to be heard? Did he know that Klaha was here?
Klaha couldn't even think anymore. Unable to breathe, he rushed over to the bed. No, not Gackt, not his Gackt! Klaha climbed onto the mattress and was immediately at Gackt's side, his own body shaking just as violently, but from shock and not from pain. He gathered Gackt's form protectively into his arms and held him again him, staring down at him, lost, stunned, confused.
"Gackt! No!"
Gackt's eyes slowly slid up to look at him, but it seemed for a long moment as though they were looking right through him. Then, there was a faint glimmer of recognition, but just then, he winced in pain.
"A-Ah!"
Klaha's eyes filled with tears again. "G ... Gaku-chan, hold on ..."
"Klaha ..." Gackt murmured.
Klaha could see, however, that Gackt was slipping away. Yoshiki's own life had died along with hide, and now, he had claimed Gackt's to take with him. Klaha's heart was suddenly filled with pain, and as Gackt started to grow limp in his arms, he only held him tighter. "No! Gackt, don't leave me!" he begged. "Please! Don't ... Don't go ..."
"Klaha-chan ..." This time Gackt only breathed the name out. The moment his lips closed again, he slowly, slowly fell still, his eyes drifting shut.
Klaha stared down at him in horror. He was shaking. Everything was very silent.
Then he started to scream.
[The waking world]
Gackt was jarred out of his sleep abruptly by the heart-wrenching sound next to him.
"GACKT!" Klaha screamed. "NO! DON'T LEAVE ME!"
Immediately Gackt sat up, gasping briefly, his heart beating quickly in his chest just to hear that sound. He had never heard Klaha like that before. Now, breaking forth from Klaha's chest after the screams were heaving sobs.
It was difficult to see at first in the darkness of Toshiya's apaato, but Gackt's eyes adjusted quickly. He glanced down and to the side, at the young man laying beside him.
Klaha was awake now. His own screaming had ripped him from his rest, just as it had torn Gackt from any dreams he may have been having. Now Klaha just lay there, his hands gripping the sheets, his eyes wide and fixed upon the ceiling as he struggled to catch his breath. However, more tears began streaming down his cheeks, and he sat up slightly, burying his face in his hands as he started to cry again.
"No! Gaku-chan ...!" he sobbed. "Stay with me!"
Gackt stared at him. "Klaha ..."
Klaha hadn't cried like this in front of him since the night he'd witnessed Yoshiki taking advantage of Gackt. Perhaps he had wanted to cry, but he had held it inside. Now, he let it all out, anguished at the torturous images presented to him in his dreams, of Gackt being abused---of Gackt ALLOWING himself to be abused, of Gackt being stolen from him, forever. Klaha barely even noticed the real Gackt next to him right now, so great was his distress, and his shoulders shook with his sobs as the tears trickled out between his fingers.
Immediately Gackt came closer to him, overtaken with worry. "Klaha! Klaha, it's all right! What's wrong with you?"
Klaha gasped suddenly, and lowered his hands, staring at Gackt. "Gaku-chan ..."
"What is it?" Gackt demanded softly, putting a hand on his arm. He was near to tears himself, from seeing Klaha like this. "Please, you have to tell me!"
Klaha shuddered violently.
"Klaha ..."
Klaha shook his head and choked down another despairing sob. "Don't leave me ..."
Gackt's eyes flew open. "What?" He had thought that he heard those words coming out of Klaha before, in the middle of the scream, but then, he had been more distracted with the sound itself rather than the words being pronounced. Now, to think of them, he stared at Klaha, unsure of what this could mean.
Klaha only reached out and grabbed Gackt's hand, squeezing it hard, still crying.
Gackt tightened his fingers within Klaha's, wishing for closer contact, or at least some kind of an explanation. "Klaha-chan, please," he begged, shaking his head. "I don't understand!"
"You ..."
Gackt held his breath.
"You were ..."
Gackt gazed at him in concern, and nodded softly.
Klaha continued to cry desperately, running his hand through his tousled hair. "You didn't know me," he managed between sobs. "I tried to hug you and you didn't even recognize me."
"What?" Gackt blinked. A dream. It must have been a dream.
"Then, that ... that man, that damned man ..." Klaha strangled himself on his words. "He was in your room, I don't know where, and he wanted to ... to use you. I tried to save you, but neither of you even saw me. I knew you didn't want to do it ... you cried for me, thinking that I wouldn't forgive you ... but he made you do it anyway! He ... He HURT you! He did that to your back ... I couldn't stop him!" he wept.
Gackt smoothed Klaha's hair, still rattled, not understanding.
"He left, and then ... Yoshiki was there instead. Yoshiki was hurting you too. He yelled at you, said you slept around on him, and then he ... he ..." He broke off here, sobbing. "He killed you. Right in front of me! And I ... I couldn't do ANYTHING! I tried to save you, I TRIED, but all I could do was sit there and hold you! You died in my arms!"
Gackt stared at him. "K-Klaha-chan ..."
Klaha buried his face in his hands again, his heaving with every gasp as he coughed out sobs. Since his frame was so slender, he appeared frail as his hair fell over his fingers and trembled along with his body. Klaha's tears ripped at Gackt's heart. Gackt remembered all the times when Klaha had helped him after Yoshiki had died---all the times when Gackt had been so distressed and inconsolable that only Klaha's gentle words and embraces were enough to make him stop crying.
Gackt pulled Klaha into his arms. Feeling his heart breaking, unable to keep away from him any longer, he held Klaha against him tightly and protectively, wanting only to comfort him. He stroked Klaha's hair for a few long moments, whispering in his ear, and then turned Klaha to face him. "Shhh ... Klaha-chan, please stop crying." He was truly begging.
Klaha couldn't respond, for his lack of air.
"I'm not going anywhere," Gackt pleaded. "I promise ..."
After a few moments, it became clear that Klaha was too upset. Gackt sighed and reached out, taking Klaha's wrists and removing his hands from his face. "I'm so sorry, Klaha. Shhh ... It was just a dream. Only a dream, nothing more. I promise. I'm here now, aren't I? I won't leave."
Holding his breath, trying to put a barrier on his own tears, Gackt leaned in and tenderly kissed Klaha's forehead. "Onegai ... Nakanaide yo ..." Gackt brushed his lips against Klaha's cheeks, kissing the tears away.
Klaha swallowed hard, pausing for a moment. "Gaku-chan ..."
Gackt held his gaze and let his fingertips wipe away any moisture that his lips had missed. "It's all right," Gackt murmured. "I'm here. I'll stay with you. Don't you remember our plan? You and I are going to live together. We'll be with each other, forever. Do you think that I would walk away from that? I could never leave you."
Klaha held his breath, staring back into Gackt's eyes.
"I promise, Klaha-chan," Gackt whispered. "Aishiteru ... Aishiteru, itsu mo ..."
With that, he kissed Klaha softly on the lips.
During all of this, Klaha had slowly begun to stop crying. Gackt's touch was so sweet and loving that it provided enough comfort to reassure Klaha even through his grief. With each whisper and brush of fingertips or lips, Klaha's sobs died away into sniffles, his sniffles into unsteady breaths, as he looked deep into the reaches of Gackt's soft eyes, almost smiling at the warmth that he found there.
Klaha reached up and took Gackt's hands, leaning forward suddenly and kissing him back.
"Aishiteru, Gaku-chan. Itsu mo."
OWARI
NOTES~The story is completed. Gackt and Klaha have made their promise ... What do you feel? Please tell me. I honestly want to hear from you ...
Glossary
apaato: apartment
iie: no
hai: yes
eto: well�
daijoubu: don't worry, it's all right
oi: hey
gomen (nasai): I'm sorry
ano: um�
onegai: please
nakanaide yo: don't cry
aishiteru: I love you
itsu mo: forever
