Part IV: Virginity
Author: Scarlet Kozi
Abruptly, Mana’s fingers released Közi’s wrist, and immediately Közi removed his hand from my hips so quickly that I might as well have been on fire. My relieved breath whooshed out of me, and since I still had some hope, I prayed that whatever came next would be better than what had already happened so far, as I lay there silently on top of Közi.
Moments passed in silence.
Then, suddenly, I felt hands on me, creeping onto me unseen.
Mana had sneaked off the mattress and strolled around it when I wasn’t paying attention, and now, he stood at the foot of the bed. He leaned down and slid his arms around my body from behind, and I gave a start, but he pulled me up from Közi’s arms and pressed his partially-vinyl-covered body against mine. My feet were unsteady, but I managed to keep my balance. Közi surrendered me over, an unreadable expression on his face.
I felt Mana’s breath on my neck and shivered. Something about Közi’s touch, how soft and gentle it had been even when Mana and Yu~ki had been ordering him to do unspeakable things to me, was confusing, but I couldn’t think about that. Something told me that it was too soon to be relieved or grateful.
When I tried to look over my shoulder, I could see nothing, so I just stared down at the hands linked around my chest. "M-Mana-sama…?" I whispered.
"Now you’re mine," Mana throatily murmured. He started to lick the flesh just underneath my ear, the tender, extra-sensitive flesh above the curve of my jaw. It nearly tickled, and I tried to pull away from his tongue. This was much worse than being with Közi, and I knew it.
"Don’t fight me." Mana leaned forward, sliding his leg a touch against my hip, as he pressed his cheek against mine from the side. He breathed out, "You did all of that to Közi, and now you won’t even let me kiss you…? That’s hardly fair. You’re not allowed to play favorites, dorei-chan, especially between slaves and masters. All you have to worry about is how to train yourself, how to obey our orders, how to please us so that we’re satisfied… Don’t you think?"
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t find the voice to speak, because if I did, I would probably have lost control of my words and said something I would have regretted.
But apparently Mana thought that an answer was necessary. He was outraged by the fact that I dared to keep silent when he addressed me. Reacting to my silence, his hand on my chest snaked up to my throat, which he dug his fingers into briefly. The squeeze that he gave was painful and hard. "Well? Answer me!"
I gasped abruptly and responded, "H-Hai, Mana-sama!"
"Exactly." He let his hand slip down again, sounding content with my show of submission. "Now, dorei-chan, what would you say to me if I told you that I wanted to fuck you?"
I felt a jolt of fear. "Nani?"
"I said, I want to fuck you." I couldn’t say a word, and my body was filled with cold dread, as his voice continued, "I want to take you, my little dorei-chan… I want to be your first, whether you want it or not. I want to steal your virginity so that you’ll ALWAYS belong to us."
Yu~ki’s high-pitched, protesting voice piped up from the bed, temporarily buying me time. "Oi, Mana…" He sounded as though he was lightly complaining. Mana looked over my shoulder, and I glanced up without realizing it. We both saw that Közi was still sitting there silently, looking down at his hands, but now Yu~ki had come over and was leaning his chin on Közi’s shoulder, his arms around Közi’s body. Now, Yu~ki frowned slightly. "Who said that you got to fuck him first?"
"I said so."
"And why is that? I’m the one who found him."
"I’m the leader, remember?" Mana reminded him, with an eyebrow raised sternly that I could just feel. "You’ll get your chance also. But for now, I run the show. What I say goes. Oh, don’t look at me like that, Közi-chan." Közi, realizing what Mana was about to say, had looked up and was staring at Mana as though shocked, aghast, and even annoyed. "I took yours too, remember? Years ago, when you first joined the band. You were afraid too, just like Klaha-chan here." Mana took my chin and spoke into my ear, in a chilling voice. "Sweet little virgin…"
I felt a shiver to be called that. It was like an insult.
"Terrified of us, aren’t you? Tell me you’re scared, dorei-chan. Tell me we frighten you."
I bit my lip hard, frowning. I didn’t know what to say.
He seemed annoyed, but this one time, he chose to let me get away with it without inflicting more punishment or pain on me. Instead, he just continued speaking. "What do you think of the idea of us fucking you… fast, slow, hard, any way we want to, over and over, until you pass out?"
Those words were even more horrifying. I released a little whimper of alarm without meaning to.
Now Mana was more satisfied with me, thanks to my reaction. "Poor Közi-chan was just like you when he joined, when I gave him his initiation and turned him into my slave. But midway through, he realized that he couldn’t escape. He realized that he would have to learn to want it… to learn to want to feel me inside him, filling him up." His voice was purposefully soft and hot in my ear. "He let me do whatever I wanted to him. He was sore for a week."
These mocking words didn’t help my fear at all. Another shiver ran through me. I couldn’t even picture having some of those things done to me, some of the things that Mana and Yu~ki were doubtlessly planning. It was a bit easier to picture Közi taken for the first time by Mana, somehow, though the images brought me pain. These threats from Mana caused my stomach to knot up.
Közi flushed a little bit and closed his eyes, avoiding the impulse to give a little visible sneer of distaste. "Please, Mana-sama."
Mana recognized that Közi would rather not have remembered it. Therefore, he sighed, but smiled at the same time. "Hai, hai. But my point, Yu~ki, is that I get to take him first. We agreed upon that before."
Yu~ki let out a long exasperated sigh, and settled to start nuzzling Közi’s neck. "Hai. As long as I get my turn too."
"Of course." Mana nodded once again to reassure him, and then he exhaled purposefully, his warm breath touching my flesh. I stood perfectly stiff, now more afraid than ever, and Mana was delighted by it. He only hugged me against him tighter. "Now, are you ready for me?"
Without waiting for a response, he pulled himself away from me and put his hands on my shoulders.
He guided me to the bed, as Yu~ki pulled Közi off of it and out of the way, and pushed me lightly down onto it. I allowed myself to be pushed merely because of my dazed state of mind, although I was starting to feel as though my anxiety was eating me from the inside out. Mana got onto the bed after me and followed me to the center. However, though I crouched there, trying to shield myself, he immediately rose to his feet again, staring down at me from a standing position high above. He balanced himself on the mattress and put his hand on his hip, using the other to gesture cruelly at me. "Now, plaything… on all fours."
I flinched again, realizing sullenly to myself that Mana and Yu~ki would probably be barking two-to-three-word commands at me all night. They were treating me as their pet dog. "Come! Knees! Stay! All fours…!"
I tensed up to think of these statements, but then I realized the implications of the last one. I stared up at Mana. "A-All fours?"
"Do it. Now."
"But… But Mana-sama…"
"Silence!" Mana’s voice was sharp and amazed, as though he couldn’t believe that I hadn’t jumped to follow his command. He nudged at my ribs with his foot, and a frown came over his face. He became frozen after a moment, and only his eyes moved as they searched me… my form, which I knew must have looked horribly helpless, white, and frail. When he spoke again, his voice was slower and more dangerous. "You heard me, didn’t you?"
I could only nod, feeling too intimidated to speak.
"Do you think you’re too good to obey me?"
I looked down. Yes… No. I didn’t deserve this… did I?
Mana chuckled humorlessly and shook his head, sneering slightly. "Ridiculous." To hear this sole condemning word, I felt cold and slid my arms up to embrace myself. Mana only poked fun at my pose. "Look at you crouching there like that. If you could see yourself as you are now, you wouldn’t still believe that you can obey my orders and get away with it. You wouldn’t still believe that you deserve better than this. I am your master, and clearly you don’t understand the relationship between us."
He paused. "I have all the power that you don’t. When you disobey me, I punish you in order to teach you the right way. When you say the wrong thing, since the wrong note, smile at the wrong time, I will take you aside and show you what you’ve done wrong, with my strength. Yu~ki will do the same, as your master. Just look at Közi. Yu~ki and I have taught him to be a good slave. For some reason, he is being childish and weak-hearted today, but normally he behaves much better."
After glancing with a frown at Közi, Mana looked back at me, still with a hardened expression. "This is what you deserve. This is where you belong. With us. Your destiny is to be with us, to be ours. Your purpose is to sing for us, and to give us your body. Don’t you see that? You are a pitiful little slave, but you are OUR slave, dorei-chan, only ours. That’s what you’ll always be, now. That’s our collar around your neck, our chain. Those things show that your body belongs to us… Even when they’re gone, you will still be ours."
There was a long pause. I sat there trembling by now. More tears had come to my eyes. Mana stood above me, looking down at me coldly. At last he flicked his wrist. "Don’t disobey me again." He spoke slowly, to make sure that I could understand him. "I said, on all fours."
I remained unmoving. I still didn’t understand this idea of love through violence and negotiation. None of them seemed to love me. Only…
Mana reached down and gripped my hair, as painfully as before. "Get on your hands and knees. NOW."
I could do nothing but obey, because of the pain. Mana’s hand at last drifted away from me, as I did what he asked. Inside, I still felt terrified, since I knew what was coming next. It filled me with a dull sense of panic, and as though preparing for such an event, my numbness became denial. Somehow inside me, I believed that I would be able to escape this. I had myself convinced that it wasn’t about to happen, even as I felt my stomach seize in fear. What had already been done to me was horrible enough. I couldn’t picture this kind of violation, no, not now.
Mana was contented at the sight of me struggling to comply. He sank down onto the bed again, crouching, getting behind me.
Meanwhile, Yu~ki returned to the bed slowly, pulling Közi along with him. Yu~ki came first, slinking up to my body and laying down next to me as I knelt, watching me support myself on my hands and knees. Then he leaned forward and somehow slid himself underneath me, between the space of my chest and the bed. Leaning up, he kissed my collarbone, even as I jumped in surprise. Közi glanced at Yu~ki, then took up his own place by sitting directly in front of me. He crossed his legs to hide himself, then looked up at me.
Very, very softly, he kissed my lips once. He was staring me right in the eyes. I stared back, quivering. What was that look, deep there, in the endless dark brown? I couldn’t tell yet.
Slowly I began to understand, why even Yu~ki was not being harsh with me. He and Közi were supposed to try and help me prepare for what was going to come. And what was going to come was something that terrified me. "Please," I mouthed to them silently. I was afraid of having Mana hear me begging for help. "Let me go. Please stop."
Yu~ki ignored me, and kept kissing my skin. Közi’s eyes softened a bit, as though he knew he could do nothing to stop this, so he reached up and stroked my cheek with his fingers.
Then I felt Mana climbing on top of me. Such a lightweight person, but still, so frightening.
Mana’s mouth pressed against the small of my back first, beginning a trail upwards as he slid his arms around me again and leaned onto my back. His kisses ended at the base of my neck, at which point he halted. All I could focus on, suddenly, was feeling that Mana had hiked up his skirt, and that his firmness was now brushing against my hip, against my thigh, getting closer and closer.
Right before it happened, I squeezed my eyes shut. It was just in time, because Mana thrust himself into me immediately afterwards.
I screamed without being able to choke it down. My voice became unusually torn and unsteady, as it rose in a cry of shock, agony, fear, and humiliation, ripping through the silence. I’d never heard my own voice like that before, and even now, I was too distracted to concentrate on it. My entire body lurched forward as Mana shoved into it. This feeling was horrible. He was tearing me apart. That was what it felt like… Jagged flashes of pain dominated my mind. I started to shake violently as Mana held the position there.
The tears filled my eyes again, glazing my vision over with a dancing crystal layer.
Yu~ki kissed my neck from underneath. I almost didn’t hear his words. "Congratulations, dorei-chan. You’re not a virgin anymore…"
Közi, sitting in front of me, reached up his hands again and cupped my face with them, hiding sore pain in his eyes. He leaned forward and licked the tears from my cheeks. The motions of his tongue were soft, sympathetic, trailing in lines around my eyes, from where the tears had been about to spring. "I’m sorry," he whispered. Fortunately, the others hadn’t heard him say it.
Mana’s soft, muffled moan met my ears. For a moment he seemed to be getting accustomed to the feeling too, his arms tightening around my torso even when I almost sank down onto the bed. That wasn’t too hard to understand. If Mana had only been having sex with Közi and Yu~ki for the past couple of years, with no one new to take, then he probably hadn’t been used to being in someone who was so unstretched for a long time.
Mana’s breath quickened just behind my hair, and he started a rhythm, slow, but gradually speeding up.
I felt dizzy. Whether my hips were trying to match Mana’s speed or somehow force him out of my body, I didn’t know. I couldn’t tell. I knew at first that I wanted this to stop, but then something else came. The pain was stretching my body to the limit, but there was something else, just as piercing as the pain, and almost more agonizing because I didn’t want to feel it… pleasure. No! I didn’t want this. I didn’t want to enjoy it.
Yu~ki glanced underneath me and saw that I was getting harder again. He blinked, and his eyebrows lifted. "Ara!"
I didn’t know what was going on, but my discomfort was growing. Stars were dancing in front of my eyes, taunting me with their blurriness that I couldn’t focus. Mana was pushing in and out of me faster and faster, his soft little gasping moans echoing in my ears, and my pain was simply immeasurable. It was hideous, what I felt. I felt incredibly cheap, and ashamed of myself, for letting this even happen, though they were the ones who were forcing me. I was going through all of this for a job, to become the singer of their band? But also, my body was starting to heave, to seek a release to this horrible sensation, both the pleasure and the pain.
Now, Yu~ki turned onto his side and shifted underneath my slightly elevated body again. He seemed curious, and I managed to look down at him, through my tears, wanting to inch away.
He found my erection and began licking at it. I gasped, and my eyes flew open again. Wasn’t this torture already enough? This was too much! I wanted to plead with him to stop, not to touch me…
It didn’t take long for these dual sensations to take their toll on me, since I was already weakened. The feeling of Mana pressing up against me inside, pushing against something that made me feel this way, joined with Yu~ki taking me into his mouth briefly and running his tongue along me… these feelings were enough to start bringing me on the path to an unwilling climax.
I felt it coming. I knew it was coming. But it wasn’t "yes" that I moaned in passion.
"No!"
I gasped it out, muffled because I was biting so hard on my lip, trying to distract myself with other pain. I wanted to pull away and run from here, but they wouldn’t let me leave. On top of that, I couldn’t AFFORD to leave.
Then, in a moment of ultimate torture, I stifled another cry, and I came. My body started to jolt, as though I was electrified, and I was so overwhelmed with ecstasy, mixed with ripping pain, that I nearly fainted there, as I was. But I came anyway. Yu~ki swallowed it all. He did it much more efficiently than I had done, when he and Mana had made me do it to Közi… but then, Yu~ki was probably much more experienced than me by now at this.
When Yu~ki was done, he licked me one last time and pulled away from me. He snuck out from under my body at just the right moment, lest I fall on him, and he was careful not to get hit because I was being shoved into every second by Mana.
Through my own haze I managed to hear to hear Yu~ki’s words to Közi. "Here, Közi-chan. Taste."
I looked up, shocked, and saw a glimpse of the reluctance in Közi’s eyes, as he balked away like a nervous horse. But he could do nothing, and merely sat there obediently, neither responding nor refusing, as Yu~ki leaned forward and kissed him, so that Közi could taste my semen on his tongue. I almost felt sickened by these actions. I felt like an object…
I had to wonder why Mana wasn’t done yet, after all this time, but assumed that he was just hard to satisfy, considering that he was still going. He continued thrusting into me in that same repetitive pattern, though it was becoming more uneven now. His voice was passionate and fevered as he moaned softly, as I had never heard it before. Apparently he was enjoying doing this to me much more than I was enjoying having it done.
I felt so weak… I couldn’t take it anymore. I collapsed down onto my elbows on the bed, no longer able to keep my balance. I squeezed my eyes shut as I bowed my head, black hair falling over my face, the muscles in my back trembling.
This was fine by Mana. He refused to stop even now, only placed a knee on either side of me, bracing my hips, and resumed his rhythm despite the fact that every thrust shoved me further down into the mattress.
At last, after what seemed like an eternity, he came also.
It had taken so long that my misery was overpowering, and more tears had come to my eyes. I felt my body being filled suddenly with something warm and liquid, something that seemed to reach so far inside of me that I had to wonder whether it filled my entire frame. It made me jerk suddenly and feel nauseous, terrified by the thought. I bit my lip, swallowing hard, unable to stifle a small retching sound. I controlled myself in time and just lay there helplessly, as Mana finished up on top of me.
Then he pulled out, and I exhaled in pain. A sob came out along with my breath. My muscles were twitching, trying to figure out how to relax after an intrusion like that. The three of them moved back to give me some room, Mana and Yu~ki pulling Közi with them.
I was grateful for the space. I wanted them as far away from me as possible…
---to be continued---
GLOSSARY
dorei-chan: "slave"
hai: yes
nani: what
oi: hey
ara: expression of surprise, such as "look!" or "oh!"
To be continued
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