Part X: Wakarimashita
Author: Scarlet Kozi
I was dizzy and exhausted, as I felt Mana and Yu~ki creeping over to me and touching me. They weren't too rough with me, fortunately. Yu~ki, the stronger of the two, slid his arms around my torso from behind, while Mana busied himself with disengaging my body from K�zi's. Both of their movements were rough and quick, as though they had something else on their minds. K�zi lay there gazing up at me through moist, half-open eyes with longing and grief there, to be parted from me, but he couldn't stop them from taking me away from him.
Now they pulled me back across the floor, and then, Yu~ki set me down again. He propped me so that I was leaning my back against the wall as I had been before. Yu~ki paused next to me, and Mana hesitated a moment also.
He surveyed me. "Did you enjoy that?" he asked again.
I did. There was nothing that could make me lie about that. Perhaps earlier tonight I would have been upset enough to say something else, but now, I nodded, even as I shivered. "H-Hai, Mana-sama�"
Yu~ki eyed Mana almost uncertainly, and said, "Mana� about K�zi�"
Slowly Mana remembered this, and to my surprise, a dark, furious expression settled over his features. Before I could even blink, he stood up rapidly, getting to his feet, his blonde hair bouncing, and he turned around, his eyes focusing on K�zi's prone form. He clenched his fingers tightly into fists as he stalked over to K�zi, pausing just over him.
"You idiot!" he yelled. "What did I tell you? I said it over and over and over before today, week after week after week, practically since the day we met him! I told you to forget about it! I told you it would never happen!" Glaring down at K�zi in rage, he grabbed K�zi's arm, digging his nails into the skin, and wincing, K�zi gasped, coming upright slightly from a laying-down position. Mana fiercely shook him. "You were supposed to forget about all that! You were never supposed to even think of it again! I told you it would only complicate things!"
I stared with wide eyes. Yu~ki was watching impassively, a bit of irritation in his eyes, agreeing with Mana. What was happening?
Mana let go of K�zi now, in disgust, casting him off, but he glowered at him again. K�zi tumbled down, on his stomach, drawing himself up on his elbows slightly as he winced, powerless to stop his master from hurting him. Suddenly Mana got an idea, and got down on the ground quickly. He pushed K�zi flat on his back again, much to K�zi's startlement, and then he got between K�zi's parted legs. I saw with surprise, not to mention humiliation, as a flush crept over my face again, that my semen was still flowing out of K�zi's entrance a bit. Just as Yu~ki cleaned my blood from my thighs and body before, now Mana cleaned K�zi off, but much more cruelly, lapping the semen from his thighs and abrasively inserting his tongue up into his entrance. K�zi's face contorted in pain, and he moaned softly as this occurred.
"Dirty fool," Mana bit at him as he leaned up again, glaring down at K�zi. He pushed at K�zi's legs carelessly, then put one hand on the floor, supporting himself as he drew himself up to his feet again. He wiped his mouth roughly. "You were supposed to forget about it entirely, and even if you couldn't, you were never to say anything to him! Him, of all people! You know what this kind of disobedience means. I told you it was impossible, and clearly, you didn't listen to me!" In anger, he kicked K�zi in the ribs suddenly, hard. K�zi gasped and curled in on himself, wincing.
I couldn't stand to watch this. Struggling against Yu~ki's arms, I weakly tried to get away from him, go over and hold Mana back myself. I couldn't care whether he was my master, I could only care that he was hurting K�zi. "Don't!" I cried, horrified. "Stop it!"
Yu~ki glared down at me, and slapped me quickly. I barely felt it. "Shut up!" he snapped at me. "What Mana's doing is none of your business."
Mana had turned his cold eyes onto me, and he almost smiled bitterly, coming a bit through his anger. "Oh, you don't like to see me hurt him, do you? Well, you ought to get used to it. K�zi's life is filled with pain, and now that you're our slave also, then so will yours." To demonstrate this to me, to work out more of his fury, he jerked K�zi up from the ground and hit him across the face.
I nearly started to cry. "Stop it�! Please, let him go!"
"This is disgusting!" Mana shook his head in mock amazement. He released K�zi suddenly, so suddenly that it was unfair. He merely opened his hands, and not expecting this, K�zi fell down without support for himself, crashing onto the floor. Mana gave him one last kick for good measure and then swiftly came back over to me.
He extracted me roughly from Yu~ki's arms. "This is only the first session," he growled at me as we went, "and you're lucky I'm too tired to just beat you for this insubordination. Either of you." This was pointedly stated, as he shot another glare at K�zi while we rapidly approached him. To me, again, he retorted, "The next time, you won't know what hit you. But we'll have plenty of time for that, since you're our singer now. With enough practice and training, you'll become a good slave, I can feel it. Next time. For now," he finished viciously, stopping over K�zi with me, weak, in his arms, "the two of you might as well just cower with each other, instead of alone. Think about what you've done!"
Without saying another word, he shoved me down. I stumbled, not strong enough to catch myself or avert my path, and as a result I nearly toppled onto K�zi. I managed to avoid hurting him, luckily, as I landed just beside him.
Yu~ki was standing by Mana's side again, his eyes piercing, and the two of them looked at us long and hard. "Good night," Mana taunted us harshly.
With that, the two of them turned and disappeared into the shadows.
I sat there silently. One glance downwards displayed to me that K�zi was still laying there, having collided with the floor, and he was gasping slowly, his eyes focused on the ground beneath him. I tried to make out any shapes in the shadows, but all I heard was the sound of rapid breathing and lips fumbling. Mana and Yu~ki, apparently pleased to finally have a chance at each other without slaves to worry about, were making their way to the bed. After a moment I heard a thumping sound, as two bodies fell down onto the mattress, and the springs creaked slightly.
I still was having trouble understanding. But it was growing clearer�
Mana had yelled at K�zi, and I knew why. K�zi had told me that he loved me. He wasn't supposed to do that, apparently. I hadn't even known that K�zi felt anything like that for me� Could that have been why he was so gentle, and so sensitive to my pain this entire time? But before today, he had never been able to look at me. Then it struck me: Mana and Yu~ki didn't want him to love me. Mana and Yu~ki had told him never to think of me like that, because they wanted to make me their slave, not his lover. That was why he had always been afraid to speak to me� and that was why, tonight, he had taken so much joy from all my touches�
At last it was all clear. At last. I knew what was going on.
K�zi and I were left alone now. For a moment, we remained like that, silently, but I was starting to feel faint again. Swallowing, I braced myself on my side, on the ground, fighting for control over my mind.
Looking up suddenly, K�zi caught his breath and shifted closer to me, cringing due to the pain in his ribs from Mana's kick. He sat up in front of me, looking worried, as I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. The muffled, distant sounds of small moans and shifting on the mattress met my ears, but I tried to ignore them. K�zi reached out and touched my face, regarding the bruises that had been dealt me.
He also swallowed, and looked down at the floor shamefully. Perhaps he wanted to try and apologize for Mana and Yu~ki, for what they'd done to me, but I didn't need him to do that. After a moment, K�zi put his hands gently upon my thighs, studying my face to make sure he wasn't making me uncomfortable, and he parted my legs. His eyes were on my stomach, and his face flushed a bit, ashamed and quite disgusted to see that his semen coated my skin. He didn't know, of course, that I didn't mind� He leaned down now and gently licked up the remainder of his own ecstasy from my abdomen. I could see that he felt nauseous doing it, but he wanted nothing less than my discomfort. I stared down at him in surprise, seeing how careful he was. He absorbed even the most tiny or indiscernible traces that stained my flesh, so that my skin was returned to its usual whiteness. It wasn�t even an erotic gesture.
He pulled back after a moment, looking up at me unsurely through his hair, and I saw the eternal pain in his eyes. Why did something go off inside me, a little stretching feeling, when I saw that? I reached down and pulled him up to me, and I kissed him.
It could have been shock, relief or sorrow behind his lips as he responded almost instantly, but he was more gentle than me. He covered my lips with his own, working softly at mine, his tongue slowly entering into my mouth as we kissed. I glanced over his shoulder at one point, but I knew that Mana and Yu~ki were too distracted to notice or care. They had left us to ourselves for the night, in any case.
When I needed air, I broke the kiss, and I found that he was breathing heavily also. He let his tongue snake out to lick at his own lips, cleaning them off briefly, and most of his lipstick was gone. I saw the true, delicate appearance of his soft, pale pink lips. He stared at me, long and hard.
And then, to my surprise, he began to cry.
Suddenly his face contorted slightly, and at first I mistook it for pain. But� I had never seen tears well up and overflow so quickly in my entire life. It seemed as though they were endless, as they flowed down his cheeks nonstop, dripping off his jaw and chin and splashing in tiny drops on his fingers, before he raised his hands and buried his face in them, sobbing silently. It was strange� Even when he cried like this, even when he broke down entirely, he never seemed pathetic. He still seemed as though he was strong� and weak. All at the same time.
I was too stunned to say anything at first. Numbly, feeling dizzy again, I reached out and brought him closer, and without resisting he collapsed down on top of me so that his head was upon my chest, his soft red hair touching me.
"I'm sorry," he sobbed softly, whispering so as not to be heard. "I should have told you� I wanted to tell you how I felt� but�"
That was why he was crying? He was sorry for not having told me, over the months, that he felt that way for me? I wanted to beg for him to stop. He didn't need to cry about that� But again, all I could murmur, as I embraced him lightly, was, "Wakarimashita�"
K�zi seemed a bit comforted by this. He let out a long, shuddering sigh, making his tears slow down, until he was only sniffling a little bit, sometimes letting out a tiny sob, but growing more and more composed. He slid his arms around my body and leaned his head against my shoulder, as he pressed his cheek against it. It almost seemed as though, if he had been a little lower, he would have been listening to my heart. His eyes were closed. "Arigato, Klaha," he only whispered.
I swallowed and gazed down at him, starting to feel lightheaded again. He loved me�
However, K�zi didn't yet notice anything odd about the unsteady, gradually lessening way that my chest was rising and falling beneath his head. He continued to ease himself against me, reassured by my presence, now a bit weary himself because, after all, he had come twice this evening, and both times due to my stimulation. Mana's soft moan rose up in the distance somewhere, though neither of us responded to it. But after a long moment, he seemed to realize that something was wrong.
He slowly withdrew himself from me, half nervously and half curiously, pulling back and gazing up at me.
I could barely see him. My body was growing limp all of a sudden, and my breath was coming in and out of me softly and shakily, almost inaudibly. My eyelashes were fluttering, and my lips were slightly ajar. Overall, I was near to motionless. I couldn't move. K�zi was staring at me, and I tried to look down at him through half-closed eyes, to console him, but� he was so blurry�
"Klaha?" he whispered.
I wasn't sure what was going on anymore. From the moment I reached orgasm when K�zi and I were having sex, some of the last traces of my strength started to disappear. After all, I had received a lot of sound beatings and abuses this evening. But it wasn't until now, when I was finally laying here in K�zi's arms, that I began to relax. And relaxing, unfortunately, meant that my body was starting to take over by itself, deciding that it needed rest.
Slowly, the room had begun to spin in front of my eyes, and my vision was blurring even more intensely. I couldn't see K�zi's face at all now, and when he tried to speak to me, his voice was muffled. I felt myself finally losing my grip entirely on the situation. My eyes slowly closed themselves shut, and I collapsed forward into K�zi's arms, drifting off to unconsciousness, as everything went black.
I would be fine in the morning, I knew that. The wounds would heal� They would have to, since this would become my life. I was in the band. I was the singer. Malice Mizer was my family now. These games would continue being played, with me as one of the pawns, for quite a long time, maybe beyond my comprehension. It was what I wanted, wasn't it? I hadn't been expecting the pain, or the roles, and I hadn't realized that I would become an important member of them who would be treated like property. But for some reason, I didn't mind it�
I almost welcomed it. Even after everything, I loved Mana and Yu~ki. My masters. And K�zi� he would be with me too� he would teach me how to be a better slave. I would listen to him, and he could take care of me. I could take care of him. There would be much time to figure out what to do now. But for the time being, I let myself relax against K�zi, feeling comforted by his touch, as I fainted.
Rest� finally�
OWARI
NOTES: So what does everyone think? ^^;; Although I was more or less contractually bound to write this story, I have to admit that I enjoyed myself far too much while writing it. Tell me what you thought, ne? Arigato.
GLOSSARY
hai: yes
wakarimashita: I understand(stood)
arigato: thank you