Title: Shadows of Doubt
Author: Psy ([email protected])
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Band: Dir en grey
Pairings: Kaoru & Toshiya / Kaoru & Die
Comments: Kaoru has come to set things right with Toshiya. Will Toshiya listen?This is the last part folks. Feedback desperately longed for!
Shadows of Doubt
by Psy
PART FIVE
Toshiya stood frozen in the open doorway, just staring at Kaoru. He was surprised to see tear stains upon the guitarist's face.
"K-Kaoru, what are you doing here?" Toshiya stammered. He suddenly remembered what he'd said earlier and pasted an angry look on his face, hardening his voice. "I thought I told you I never wanted to speak to you again!"
The hesitation in the bassist's voice and the obviously conscious effort to be mean gave Kaoru hope. Maybe he doesn't really hate me, he said to himself. He's probably just hurt. If I can explain to him...
"I'll just leave you two alone." Kyo tried to slip past Toshiya and Kaoru out the door, but Toshiya grabbed his arm.
"No. I don't wanna be alone with him."
Toshiya's voice trembled as he pleaded, but Kyo didn't want to be there for a fight...or makeup sex! "I told you before. This is between you and him. I have to go."
As he passed Kaoru, the older man put a hand on his shoulder briefly. "Arigatou, Kyo-kun." Kyo nodded and was gone.
For a moment the two remaining men simply stood in the doorway, looking at each other. Toshiya felt the tears coming again and he turned away and walked into the living room. Wordlessly, Kaoru followed him, closing the door behind him. He took Toshiya's hand and led him to the couch, bringing him down to sit beside him. He looked around and sighed.
"I didn't know you still had this apartment," he said softly.
"Um...well, I haven't had time to move everything out and break my lease and...stuff..." Toshiya responded, equally as quiet. His head was down and he stared at the floor, taking deep breaths to keep himself from crying. "So...what is it you want?"
Kaoru sighed again. "You know what I want. I want a chance to explain. I almost didn't come here after...after what you said earlier. But...Toshiya, I love you and having you hate me like this...I can't live with it." He took Toshiya's hands in his causing the bassist to look up at him. "I can't live without you, Totchi. Please believe me!"
"I...I..." Tears that had been fought against so hard spilled down Toshiya's cheeks and he pulled his hands away to wrap his arms tightly around himself. "I want to, Kaoru, but...I heard what you said to Die. And I wonder...which one of us are you lying to? How long after we got together did you start fucking Die? Or were you doing it before you came to me?"
He was angry now and throwing out accusations before he thought about his words. It cut Kaoru sharper and more deeply than any knife to hear these things coming from the one he loved. "Toshiya, listen to me. I've never had that kind of relationship with Die, and I never will. And I wasn't lying to either of you. I do love Die..." Toshiya's loud gasp stopped him mid-sentence and when the younger man opened his mouth to speak, Kaoru continued quickly. "As a friend. I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you. He knows that."
Toshiya shook his head. "I don't understand..."
"I didn't want to tell you this, but it seems if you're to believe me, I have to tell you everything." Kaoru paused and took a deep breath. "All of this has to do with why Die's been acting strange lately."
Toshiya said nothing, but he gave Kaoru a quizzical look. How? he wondered.
"Die came to me yesterday to tell me...to tell me that he's in love with me."
"WHAT?!" the bassist's lovely almond eyes grew round as saucers with his shock.
Kaoru nodded. "I was upset with him at first. I mean, how am I supposed to react to news like that? My best friend coming and telling me he's in love with me when he knows I'm already blissfully happy with someone." He managed a small smile at Toshiya. "He just needed to get it out. He didn't expect anything from me. What I was saying when you got home and overheard was that even though it isn't the way he wants, I do love Die. How can I not? He's my best friend. So," he sighed and leaned back against the couch as though what he had just said had taken a great deal of effort to get out. "That's the whole story."
"I don't believe it," Toshiya said slowly, his gaze fixed off into space.
"You don't..." Kaoru sat up, stunned.
Leaning back as Kaoru had done a moment before, Toshiya shook his head. "I can't believe Die's in love with you." He faced Kaoru and merely looked at him for a long moment. "So...Kyo was right? It was all a big misunderstanding?" Kaoru nodded. A huge grin split Toshiya's face and his tears turned to tears of joy as he threw his arms around Kaoru. "Oh, Kaoru! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry I thought you'd cheat on me! I don't hate you! I love you! I love you, I love you, I love you!" He was covering Kaoru's face with kisses, much to the guitarist's surprise and delight.
As he got lost in Toshiya's sweet kisses, Kaoru thought briefly about what had happened with Die earlier. Should I tell him? he asked himself. When Toshiya's lips crushed down on his and the younger man's silky little tongue slipped into his mouth, Kaoru decided not to push his luck. It was nothing, really, and Toshiya need never know. He kissed Toshiya back with a passion that was coupled with relief and happiness. How good it felt to have him back in his arms. He'd been so scared he'd never feel that slender, muscled body against him again. And now as Toshiya's mouth left his and the pretty man snuggled down against him, his head pressed to his chest and a contented smile on his face, Kaoru kissed the top of the blondish head.
"Mmm...Kao-chan?"
"Yeah, Toshiya?"
"Let's go home."
~*~
After a long night of amazing makeup sex, Kaoru watched Toshiya sleeping. His eyes lovingly caressed the curve of those rosebud lips as they rested in a small, satisfied smile; the thick dark lashes that lay delicately against the pale, creamy cheeks. This was his Sleeping Beauty and his heart swelled with happiness to have him once again.
Kaoru glanced at the clock. 7:28 a.m. exactly. He quietly slipped out of bed and padded barefoot into the kitchen, picking up the cordless phone on his way. As he set about attempting to cook a romantic breakfast, Kaoru used auto-dial to ring up Kyo and Shinya's place.
"Moshi moshi!" Came a chipper voice that in no way belonged to Kyo. Especially not before noon!
"Shinya. Good morning," Kaoru greeted the drummer in an equally cheery voice.
On the other end of the line, Shinya smiled. Kaoru sounded so happy today, he thought. Did he and Toshiya make up? It didn't seem likely, and yet..."Good morning, Kaoru. So how are you doing today?"
"Great!" the guitarist replied as he poured pancake batter into a skillet. "Toshiya and I...worked out our problems. Everything's back to normal!"
"Oh that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you. Kyo...um...told me what was going on," he confessed. "It must have been...um..."
"Hell, Shin-chan. It was hell," Kaoru said. "But, it's over. Anyhow, I wanted to call for a rehearsal today, say...10a.m.? Think you can get Kyo up and moving by then?"
Shinya laughed. "Only if I start waking him up now!" Kaoru laughed with him. "But, yeah, I can get him there."
"Kakkoii. See you later then."
"Ja ne," Shinya replied and, hanging up, took a deep breath and prepared to begin the long and arduous process of waking his koi up.
Frowning at the pancake batter that quickly began to burn instead of cook into a golden brown, Kaoru hit the button for Die's number and proceeded to dispose of the gooey, burnt mess. He was pouring bowls of cereal when Die answered the phone.
"Hmmm?" Die's voice was groggy.
Kaoru chuckled. "Ohayo, Die-kun. I wake you?"
Die groaned. "Yeah. Yeah, you did. So, how'd it go?"
"It went well. He came home."
"Congratulations," Die said softly. A part of him hurt that they'd gotten back together, but a bigger part was happy. He couldn't stand to see Kaoru as miserable as he'd been the last couple of days.
The older guitarist caught the faintly wistful tone to Die's voice. "Can you handle this?" Kaoru asked quietly.
"Yeah, I'll be fine, Kaoru. Don't worry about it. Just...be happy, okay?"
"Not a problem, pal." Kaoru smiled. "Oh, hey! Can you make it to rehearsal at 10a.m.?"
"Ugh!" Die groaned playfully before laughing. "Sure. I'll be there."
They hung up and Kaoru walked back into his and Toshiya's bedroom carrying a tray with two bowls of cereal and two cups, one containing hot tea for Toshiya and one containing strong black coffee for himself (even though he hated the stuff). He carefully climbed back into the bed, setting the tray on his lap. The shift in the bed woke Toshiya up. He yawned widely, running his tongue across his cute little crooked teeth. Kaoru grinned and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. When Toshiya turned to smile at him, he saw the breakfast tray and laughed.
"Oh! Kao-chan! Breakfast in bed! How romantic!" He giggled. "Even if it is just cold cereal!"
Together they laughed and ate their breakfast in bed, all cuddled up to one another. Life was complete.
~owari~
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There ya have it, minna-san. The conclusion to "Shadows of Doubt". I hope everyone enjoyed it, and the other stories in this trilogy. Take care now!