Title: Psycho Songwriter
Author: Psy ([email protected])
Genre: Sheer Stupidity!
Rating: G
Band: Dir en grey
Pairing: None
Comments: This little fic-let was inspired by the video for "304 Goushitsu, Hakushi no Sakura". The moment I saw Kaoru scribbling away in his cozy little cell, this insanity popped into my head and I cracked up. This fic is also dedicated to Spring, who laughed so hard she cried and had to pause the video for a good five minutes before she caught her breath!
Psycho Songwriter
by Psy
"This is the patient you were telling me about?"
"Yes, Doctor. Nikkura Kaoru. His is a very unusual case."
Two men in white lab coats stood outside a holding cell in a small, tucked away and secluded mental facility and surveyed their subject through the small window in the door. The man inside was dressed in white, the preferred uniform of the patients at mental facilities worldwide! He sat in
the sparse room on the wire-frame bed, a piece of paper clutched awkwardly in one hand and a pen with no ink in the other.
"Does he know there isn't any ink in that pen?"
The other doctor shook his head. "No. Nikkura-san is completely delusional. His normal rants consist of the belief that he is writing hit songs for his rock band."
"How sad," the doctor replied. "It seems he's lost all sense of reality."
"Yes." His associate agreed rather bluntly.
The man of whom they spoke was a stunning beauty. All the nurses at the hospital thought it was such a shame that someone as gorgeous as him was quite mad. Most had secret crushes on the tall, brown-eyed, pink-haired man but would never dare to tell anyone else for fear of ending up in a padded white room similar to his.
As the two doctors observed the patient, he became agitated with his "writing" and began flinging blank sheets of paper (which were covered with notes and words from his point of view) all around his little room. He tore the thin mattress off of his bed and then crawled underneath the skeletal wire bed-frame, his fingers gripping the frame tightly. His eyes were wild and he swiveled his head around maniacally.
The visiting doctor became concerned. He eyed the resident doctor. "Should we...perhaps...do something? His behaviour is becoming increasingly psycohtic."
"No, no." The other replied flatly. "No, there's no need. This is normal for him. He'll crawl out from underneath there in a few moments and begin writing again. Just watch, Doctor."
Sure enough after a couple more minutes of hiding under his bed-frame, Kaoru crawled out and began picking up the sheets of paper he had strewn about the room. He began mumbling to himself, words which were inaudible to the doctors observing him. Carrying an armful of papers, the pink-haired man snatched up his pen and plopped himself down in the corner. He once again began writing furiously, hunched over the papers oddly.
Now the resident doctor became concerned. His brow furrowed. "That's odd. He's never done that before."
"Perhaps we should go in and speak with him?" The other suggested.
"Hmmm...Yes, perhaps. It'll give you a better idea of what an odd case he is."
The two doctors cautiously entered the white room and approached the man huddled in the corner. Kaoru didn't look up, didn't acknowledge their presence. He simply continued scribbling nothing on his papers.
The visiting doctor knelt down beside Kaoru and looked from his face the blank paper and back again. He placed a hand on one of Kaoru's shoulders, causing him to jerk his head up and pull the papers tight against his chest. His eyes were wide and wild.
"Nikkura-san..."the young doctor began gently. "You do realize that you're not writing anything. Those papers are blank."
Kaoru shook his head adamantly. "No. No, they're not. They're my songs. My songs!"
He wiggled out of the doctor's reach and crawled to the middle of room. He sat there, rocking back and forth, his knuckles turning white from grasping the papers so tightly.
"Kaoru, no. No, there are no songs on those papers."
The pink head jerked up sharply and madness flashed in otherwise beautiful brown eyes.
"I WRITE THE SONGS THAT MAKE THE WHOLE WORLD SING!!" Kaoru shouted with a maniacal laugh. The two doctors went bug-eyed and looked at each other with baffled expressions on their faces.
Kaoru was still laughing. He got to his feet and began bouncing aimlessly around the room shouting, "I write the songs that make the whole world sing! I write the songs that make the whole world sing!" The doctors were now huddled in the corner that Kaoru had previously occupied, quite confused and a little frightened. Kaoru stopped bouncing suddenly and tip-toed over to them. He leaned forward, sticking his face just inches from theirs. "Do you know who I am?"
They shook their heads slowly.
"I write the songs that make the whole world sing." Kaoru repeated quietly. "I'm Barry Manilow. I'M BARRY-FREAKIN'-MANILOW!!!!!" He screamed in their faces. He began laughing hysterically again and bouncing around the room. The frightened doctors ran for the door and escaped the room into the hall.
"He's never said that before!"
The other man simply nodded slowly and they looked back into the room. Kaoru was tossing papers every which way, jumping up and down on his mattress.
"I'M BARRY-FREAKIN'-MANILOW!"
~owari~
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I am so sorry! I really am. This is the kind of odd, silly, stupid thing that pops into my head at least 50 times a day. But, if you were amused (and if you've seen the crazed look on Kaoru's face in that video, I'm guessing you were!) then by all means, send some feedback my way!