"My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips."
"I just do what the voices inside my head tell me to do."
(Picture of a Bible on front) on back, "When all else fails, read the instructions."
"Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping."
"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"It's hard to be nostalgic, when you can't remember anything."
"Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off."
"A day without sunshine is like night."
"Doesn't play well with others."
"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck."
"Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been cut off."
"Yes, Dear."
"How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on."
"Out of my mind--Will be back shortly."
"I married Mrs. Right, I just didn't know her first name was Always."
"Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark."
"I'm not cynical--just experienced."
"Stop following me, I am not a shoplifter."
"I'm dressed and out of bed, what more do you want?"
"You're just jealous because the little voices talk to me."
"I live in my own little world, but it's okay--They know me here."
"Chaos, Panic, Disorder--My work here is done."
"Never give the devil a ride, he'll want to drive."
(On the woman) "I'm the mom. No questions. No arguments. We'll just do things my way."
(On the man) "Listen to your mother."
"I'm not shy--I'm just examining my prey."
"My job is secure, Nobody wants it."
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