Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out through his nose?
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked how long I'd be gone. I said, "the whole time."
How come you never hear about gruntled employees? Who's been dissing them anyway?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got new skylights put in my place. The people that live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injection?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Why do you press harder on the remote buttons when you know the batterys is weak?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are the called apartments when they are all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they're in charge of everything outdoors?
Why do scientists call it research when they're looking for something new?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a wall has wet paint on it, and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a chair at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then what is the opposite of progress?
Why is it that lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingrediants, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscience?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? (Good question for those Evolutionists)
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
I went to the bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help" section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all those wonderful psychics know the winning lottery numbers, then why are they still working?
Isn't the best way to save face, to keep the lower part shut?
Back