Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
It's called a gravel road. I drive a pickup because I need to.
Now matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
They are pigs, cattle and oil wells. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like income to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 and I-10 go east and west. I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.
So every person in a pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
Trucks are made to get dirty. Don't bring your Eddie Bauer Limited Edition to my farm or hunting camp and expect it to leave clean on Sunday. It won't happen.
Well all started hunting and fishing at nine years old. Yeah, well if that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Go ahead and bring your $800 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off the handle.
We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for. We call it "bait."
Yeah, we eat catfish, carp, and crawdads. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religous holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women, will get you jack-slapped....by our women.
Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So again, get over it.
Our women are some of the best looking in the country. We open doors for our women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.
No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
When we fill out a table, there are three man dishes. Meats, Vegetables and Breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and tobasco sauce.
You bring "Coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, served over ice and plenty of it. You bring "Mary Jane" to my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar, lemon and a long spoon.
High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks. And a danged site more fun to watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards--it spooks the fish.
Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come out of there with an education and a love for God and country. And they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.
Our Military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman and child owns at least two firearms and has taken a NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.
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