Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without need for the timer.
Cocaine is a downer.
You don't sweat, your percolate.
When you find a penny you say, "Find a penny pick it up, 74 more and I'll have a cup."
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You have a picture of your coffee mug, on your coffee mug.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
You think sleep is for the weak-minded.
You heart beats faster as a reaction to the smell of coffee.
You wake up to Mountain Dew, before switching to JOLT.
You have a mini-fridge and a catheter under your desk.
You drink decaf by accident and slip into a coma.
You ask, "Sleep? What's that?"
You try to shut your eyes...and they won't.
Starbucks has decided to use you as their official mascot.
You've ever carried your coffee cup into the shower with you.
You can't remeber the last time you blinked.
You'd rather be beaten over the head with a sledgehammer than to give up that first cup of coffee in the morning.
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