"Places to Go, People to Annoy."
"If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?"
"I'm a natural blonde--speak slowly."
"Of course I don't look busy, I did it right the first time."
"I used to be schizophrenic, but now we're just fine."
"Those who think they know it all, are an annoyance to those of us who do."
"I can only be nice to one person a day. Today is not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either."
"Welcome to Kentucky. Set your watch back twenty years."
"Five out of four people don't understand fractions."
"If you wish to be young again, remember Algebra."
"I chose the road less traveled. Now where am I?"
"And you're telling me this because..."
"I am too in shape. Round is a shape."
"Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
"They can send me to college, but they can't make me think."
"The problem with opportunity is that it only knocks. While temptation kicks in the door."
"Consciousenss: That annoying time between naps."
"I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on a disc somewhere."
"I'm your father, not an ATM."
"I have to body of a god, unfortunately...it's Budha."
"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running you should keep up."
"You know you're getting older when happy hour is a nap."
"I Saw That--God"
"Money isn't everything, but it keeps the kids in touch."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"Nice cologne--must you marinate in it?"
"I'm so broke, if you rob me, it'll be for practice."
"Warning: Retiree; Knows it all and has plenty of time to tell you about it!"
"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
"If stress burned calories, I'd be a size four!"
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and then used against you."
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