Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Sample all the spray air fresheners.
Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk really slow, especially on thin narrow aisles.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the stereos to a polka station, then turn the power off and set the volume at ten.
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!...etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
Ride a display bicycle through the store: claim you're taking it for a test drive.
Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet behind. Continue to do this until they leave the store.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M & M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others as they go by that you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed & Bath.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Randomly throw things over into the neighboring aisles.
When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why don't you people just leave me alone!"
Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.) "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor shopping cart races.
While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
Dart around suspiciously in a very large gym bag.
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the patio furniture department until you get kicked out.
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voice again!"
Pay off layways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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