Rule # 2 : If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchett?" "Okay. By the way, are you done using my 3/8" socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule # 3 : If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of
de-icer or something to hang from his rear-view mirror. Men love gifts for their car. No one knows why.
Rule # 4 : Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented jockey shorts.
Rule # 5 : You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money, buy your man a big screen tv with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips and flips and flips. Forget the program, your entertainment is watching him have fun!
Rule # 6 : Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of aftershave or deodorant. Men do not stink--they are earthy.
Rule # 7 : Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule # 8 : Never buy a man anything and then tell him he should read the instructions because the box says "some assembly required." It will ruin his special day. He will always have parts left over.
Rule # 9 : Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, a lumber yard, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, Winner's Circle, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto Parts, eh? It must be something I need for a Fairlane. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 WOW! Thanks!"
Rule # 10 : Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook--but they will barbcue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge! "Who wants a burger?"
Rule # 11 : Tickets to a Chief's game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule # 12 : Men love chainsaws. Never, ever buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why, please refer to rule # 8. (Remember what happens when he gets a label maker?)
Rule # 13 : It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule # 14 : Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says "I love you" like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.
Rule # 15 : NASCAR. Men love racing. Season passes if you are rich would make a nice gift....at least it gets the man out of the house 36 weekends a year.
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