"I know how to deal with stressful situations."
I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks.
"I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills."
I talk too much and like to tell others what to do.
"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization."
I've used Microsoft Office.
"I'm honest, hard-working and dependable."
I pilfer office supplies.
"My pertinent work experience includes..."
I hope you don't ask about all the McJobs I've had.
"I take pride in my work."
I blame others for my mistakes.
"I have a sense of humor."
I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
"I'm personable."
I give lots of unsolicited personal advise to co-workers.
"I'm willing to relocate."
As I leave San Quentin, anywhere's better.
"I'm extremely professional."
I carry a Day-Timer.
"My background and skills match your requirements."
You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
"I am adaptable."
I've changed jobs alot.
"I am on the go."
I'm never at my desk.
"I'm highly motivated."
As soon as I find a better job, I'm outta here.
"I have formal training."
I'm a college drop-out.
"I look forward to hearing from you soon."
Like I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
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