You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
Your grandma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You're involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
You use a rag for your missing gas cap.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their bathrooms so clean.
You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.
The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop is always bringing you home.
You missed the 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
Your working tv sits on top of your non-working tv.
Somebody tells you that you have something in your teeth, and you take them out to see what it is.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your 12 yr. old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman out of your league, bowls on a different night.
Anyone in your family has died after saying, "Watch this!"
Your junior prom had a daycare.
You can't marry your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You think potted meat on a saltine is a hor d'oeuvre.
Directions to your house include, "turn off the paved road."
Your family tree does not fork.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
The neighbors start a petition over your Christmas lights.
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