Date: Mon, 12 Jan 1998 20:06:52 -0600 (CST)
From: xxx
To: James Holliday
Subject: Movie Truisms
* 20 THINGS WE HAVE LEARNED FROM THE MOVIES *
1. During all police investigations it will be necessary to
visit a strip joint at least once.
2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to
armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man
lying beside her.
3. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
4. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his
wounds.
5. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within
the price range of most people - whether they are employed
or not.
6. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.
7. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
8. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
9. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you
bump into will know all the steps.
10. Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire
to cut. You will always choose the right one.
11. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
12. Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to
become prostitutes or welders.
13. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a
threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
14. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly
bluish.
15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to
make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is
their total opposite.
16. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English
to each other.
17. Radiation causes interesting mutations - not to your future
children but to you, right there and then.
18. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a
world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
19. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned
down three days before their retirement.
20. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
their archenemies using complicated machinery involving
fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating
sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes
to escape.
* * *
