Take This Scientific Quiz to Determine Your Guyness Quotient

1. Alien beings from a highly advanced society visit the
   Earth, and you are the first human they encounter. As a
token of intergalactic friendship, they present you with a
small but incredibly sophisticated device that is capable
of curing all disease, providing an infinite supply of clean
energy, wiping out hunger and poverty, and permanently
eliminating oppression and violence all over the entire Earth.
You decide to:

a. Present it to the president of the United States.
b. Present it to the secretary general of the United Nations.
c. Take it apart.
 

2. As you grow older, what lost quality of your youth do you
   miss the most?

a. Innocence.
b. Idealism.
c. Cherry bombs.
 

3. When is it okay to kiss another male?

a. When you wish to display simple and pure affection without
   regard for narrow-minded social conventions.
b. When he is the pope. (Not on the lips.)
c. When he is your brother and you are Al Pacino and this is
   the only really sportsmanlike way to let him know that, for
   business reasons, you have to have him killed.
 

4. In your opinion, the ideal pet is:

a. A cat.
b. A dog.
c. A dog that eats cats.
 

5. You have been seeing a woman for several years. One
   leisurely Sunday afternoon the two of you are taking
it easy--you're watching a football game; she's reading
the papers--when she suddenly, out of the clear blue sky,
tells you that she thinks she really loves you, but she
can no longer bear the uncertainty of not knowing where
your relationship is going. She says she's not asking whether
you want to get married; only whether you believe that you
have some kind of future together. What do you say?

a. That you sincerely believe the two of you do have a future,
   but you don't want to rush it.
b. That although you also have strong feelings for her, you
   cannot honestly say that you'll be ready anytime soon to
   make a lasting commitment, and you don't want to hurt her
   by holding out false hope.
c. That you cannot believe the Jets called a draw play on
   third and seventeen.
 

6. Okay, so you have decided that you truly love a woman and
   you want to spend the rest of your life with her. How do
you tell her?

a. You take her to a nice restaurant and tell her after dinner.
b. You take her for a walk on a moonlit beach, and you say
   her name, and when she turns to you, with the sea breeze
   blowing her hair and the stars in her eyes, you tell her.
c. Tell her what?
 

7. One weekday morning your wife wakes up feeling ill and
   asks you to get your three children ready for school.
Your first question to her is:

a. "Do they need to eat or anything?"
b. "They're in school already?"
c. "There are three of them?"
 

8. What, in your opinion, is the most reasonable explanation
   for the fact that Moses led the Israelites all over the
place for forty years before they finally got to the Promised
Land?

a. He was being tested.
b. He wanted them to really appreciate the Promised Land when
   they finally got there.
c. He refused to ask directions.
 

9. What is the human race's single greatest achievement?

a. Democracy.
b. Religion.
c. Remote control.