- We
are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Make
it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
- He
who laughs last thinks the slowest!
- Always
remember you're unique, just like everyone else!
- A
flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- Lottery:
a tax on people who are bad at math.
- There's
too much blood in my caffeine system.
- Artificial
intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
- I
wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
- Learn
from your parents' mistakes -- use birth control!
- Hard
work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
- Friends
help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
- What
is a "free gift"? Aren't all gifts free?
- If
ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
- Puritanism:
the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
- I
used to have a handle on life. Then it broke.
- The
sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
- The
gene pool could use a little chlorine.
- Where
there's a will, I want to be in it.
- OK,
who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
- Few
women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
- We
have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
- Consciousness:
that annoying time between naps.
- "Very
funny, Scotty. Now beam me down my clothes."
- I!
Finally! Figured...out...how! To punctuate! Kirk's! Sentences!
- I
don't know how men will fight WorldWar3, but I do know how they will fight
WorldWar4, with sticks and stones.
- The
whole world is a vast insane asylum and they are letting the worst patients
run the place.
- Forgive
your enemies, but never forget their names.
- The
optimist falls ten stories. At each window he shouts to his friends,
"All right so far".
- Instead
of giving politicians the keys to the city, it might be better to change the
locks.
- On
a clear night you look up at the stars, and you wonder if there is
inteligent life out there or... just like us.
- The
brain is a wounderful organ, it starts working the moment you get up in the
morning, and does not stop working until you get to the office
- Drive
carefully; 90% of the people in the world are accidents
- A
true friend stabs you in the front
- So
this is where I say goodbye. This is where my story ends. And if there's one
thing that I've learned from life, is that it gets you in the end
- Sex
on television can't hurt you unless you fall off
- Don't
steal. The government hates competition
- We
are all angels but with one wing and only by embracing each other can we
fly.
- Have
the time of your life in the place of the worst.
I'd never
disscused your existence - God
- If
A=Succes, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z, where X=Work Y=Play Z=Keeping your
mouth shut - Einstein
- Everyone
else is dumber than you. But in your eyes only
- When
life gets me down and it seems everyone in the world is trying to piss me
off, I remember it takes 437 muscles to frown and only four to pull the
trigger of a decent sniper rifle