Bumper stickers again

Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy

We're staying together for the sake of the cats

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition

Welcome to Texas, now go home

When you do a good deed get a receipt (in case heaven is like the IRS).

I is a college student

Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off

Don't steal. The government hates competition

 Is there life before coffee?

Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips

If money could talk, it would say goodbye.

When you're in love, you're at the mercy of a stranger.

The worst day fishing is better than the best day working.

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."

 "Conserve toilet paper, use both sides."

 "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"

"I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!"

"Work is for people who don't know how to fish."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"

"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!"

"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

An Irishman is not drunk so long as he can hold on to one blade of grass and not fall off the earth.

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply

I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?