PICK-UP LINES  BOUND TO EARN A SLAP

·    'The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my place and spread the word...'

·    'Hey baby, can I tickle your belly button - from the inside?'

·    'I like every bone in your body - especially mine...

·    'My face is leaving in 15 minutes - be on it...'

·    'Why don't you sit on my face and let me eat my way to your heart?'

·    'I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I sure can make your bed rock...'

·    'Is that a mirror in your pants, because I can see myself in them?'

·    'When does your centrefold come out?'

·    'So do ya wanna see something really swell?'

·    'Is your name Gillette? Because you're the best a man can get...'

·    'You're like Pringles - once I pop you, I can't stop you...

·    'You have great legs, what time do they open?'

·    'If you were a car door; I would slam you all night long...

1. I wanna melt in your mouth, not in your hands

2. Can I borrow a quarter?
["What for?"]
I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams

I want to call your mom and thank her.

3. Is your dad a thief??
["No."]
Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?
(Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "yes")

4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.

5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

8. You must be tired.
["Why?"]
You were running through my dreams all night.

9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.

10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."

12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck??

13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a fuck??
["No."]
You don't like pizza??
(Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "okay")

14. Can I flirt with you??

15. Your dad must've been a baker cuz you got a nice set of buns.

16. (Look at his/her shirt tag.) When they ask, "What are you doing?"
Reply, "Checking to see if you were made in heaven."

17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.

18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

19. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

20. [Grab his/her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken??

21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

22. Can you give me directions?
["To where?"]
Your heart.

23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.

25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these clothes?

28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.

29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing].
Can I talk you out of it?

30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

31. I hope you know CPR cuz you take my breath away.

32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

1. I wanna melt in your mouth, not in your hands

2. Can I borrow a quarter?
["What for?"]
I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams

I want to call your mom and thank her.

3. Is your dad a thief??
["No."]
Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?
(Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "yes")

4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.

5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

8. You must be tired.
["Why?"]
You were running through my dreams all night.

9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.

10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.

11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."

12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck??

13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a fuck??
["No."]
You don't like pizza??
(Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "okay")

14. Can I flirt with you??

15. Your dad must've been a baker cuz you got a nice set of buns.

16. (Look at his/her shirt tag.) When they ask, "What are you doing?"
Reply, "Checking to see if you were made in heaven."

17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.

18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?

19. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

20. [Grab his/her ass] Pardon me, is this seat taken??

21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

22. Can you give me directions?
["To where?"]
Your heart.

23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.

25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.

26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these clothes?

28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.

29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing].
Can I talk you out of it?

30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?

31. I hope you know CPR cuz you take my breath away.

32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?

33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.

1. If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole? 

2. I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feedbag. 

3. If it's true that we are what we eat, I could be you by morning!

 4. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized? 

5. I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face. 

6. My love for you is like diarrhea-I just can't hold it in. 

7. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I like spaghetti. Let's go fuck. 

8. Is that a keg in your pants? 'Cause I would love to tap that ass! 

9. If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays? 

10. You remind me of a championship bass-I don't know whether to mount you or eat you! 

11. Your parents must be retarded because you are special. 

12. Could I touch your belly button...from the inside? 

13. I'm not too good at algebra, but doesn't U+I = 69? 

14. How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open and I'll put my head in.

The Woman's Revenge

Man: Haven't we met before?

Woman: Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?

Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?

Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?

Man: Your place or mine?

Woman: Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine.

Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?

Woman: It's in the phone book.

Man: But I don't know your name.

Woman: That's in the phone book too.

Man: So what do you do for a living?

Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)

Woman: Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter. (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)

Man: What sign were you born under?

Woman: No Parking. Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign?

Woman: Do not Enter

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?

Woman: Unfertilized !

Man: Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason

Woman: Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!

Man: I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.

Woman: You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?

 Man: I know how to please a woman.

Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you.

Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: I can tell that you want me.

Woman: Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you.....to leave.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:

Woman: Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?

Woman: Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Man: Your body is like a temple.

Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I'd go through anything for you.

Woman: Good! Let's start with your bank account.

 Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?