Perfect Days

Perfect day for a Woman

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

 8:30 Weigh 5 lb. lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer

10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out

12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife has gained 30 lb.

1:00 Shopping with friends

3:00 Nap

4:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist from a secret admirer

4:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage

5:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror

7:00 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing

9:30 Hot shower. Alone.

10:00 Make love

11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

11:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms

Perfect Day for a Man

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blow job

6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section

7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee

7:30 Drive mint condition '63 Corvette 30 miles to airport

7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport

8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia

 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club

 9:45 Play front nine, finish 2 under par

11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell & 3 Heinekens

12:15 Blow job

12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par

2:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis

2:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew

4:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin -1249 lb.

5:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Kathy Ireland

7:00 Watch CNN News flash. Clinton resigns

7:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York Strip

9:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cuban cigar.

10:00 Have sex with two 18 year old nymphomaniacs

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi

11:45 Go to bed

11:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room.

11:55 Laugh yourself to sleep