PAIN-IN-THE-ARSE  CORNER

·           At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair-dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

·           Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

·           Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

·           Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example: 'If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom.'

·           Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

·           Insist that your e-mail address be 'xena_goddess [email protected]' or '[email protected]'.

·           Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

·            Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair dancing.

·           Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.

·            Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

·           Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc, in the lunchroom. When people complain that there was nothing there, lean back, rub your stomach, and say, 'You've got to be faster than that.'

·           Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

·           In the memo field of all your cheques, write 'for sexual favours'

·           Reply to everything someone says with, 'That's what you think.'

·           Finish all your sentences with 'in accordance with the prophecy'.

·           Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

·           Don't use any punctuation.

·           As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

·           Ask people what sex they are.

·           Specify that your drive-through order is 'to take away'.

·           Sing along at the opera.

·           Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

·           Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.