HOW TO ANNOY THE IRS (WITHOUT GETTING IN TROUBLE!)
Well it's tax time again boys and girls. So cough it up if you haven't
already! But no one says you have to go gentle into that dark night. Here are
some hints on how to annoy the IRS if you owe them money...
- Always
put staples in the right hand corner. Go ahead and put them down the whole
right side. The extractors who remove the mail from the envelopes have to
take out any staples on the right side.
- Never
arrange paperwork in the right order, or even facing the right way. Put a
few upside down and backwards. That way they have to remove all your
staples, rearrange your paperwork and re-staple it (on the left side).
- Line
the bottom of your envelope with Elmer's glue and let it dry before you put
in you forms, so that the automated opener doesn't open it and the extractor
has to open it by hand.
- If
you're very unfortunate and have to pay taxes, use a two or three party
check. On top of paying with a three party check, pay one of the dollars you
owe in cash. When an extractor receives cash, no matter how small an amount,
he has to take it to a special desk and fill out of few nasty forms.
- Write
a little letter of appreciation. Any letter received has to be read and
stamped regardless of what it is or what it's on.
- Write
your letter on something misshapen and unconventional. Like on the back of a
Kroger sack.
- When
you mail it, mail it in a big envelope (even if its just a single EZ form).
Big envelopes have to be torn and sorted differently than regular business
size ones. An added bonus to the big envelope is that they take priority
over other mail, so the workers can hurry up and deal with your mess.
- If
you send two checks, they'll have to staple your unsightly envelope to your
half destroyed form.
- Always
put extra paper clips on your forms. Any foreign fasteners or the like have
to be removed and put away.
- Sign
your name in ink on every page. Any signature has to be verified and then
date stamped.
These are just a few of the fun and exciting things you can do with the
IRS. These methods are only recommended when you owe money.