"101 Ways To Scare/Annoy (Normal) People In A Computer Lab"

***Special thanks to Velexia aka Higashi for allowing me to post this up***

1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.

2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the damn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.

4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.

5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.

6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.

7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.

8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.

9. Use Interactive Send to make passes at people you don't know.

10. Make a small ritual sacrifice to the computer before you turn it on.

11. Bring a chainsaw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.

12. Type on VAX for a while. Suddenly start cursing for 3 minutes at everything bad about your life. Then stop and continue typing.

13. Enter the lab, undress, and start staring at other people as if they're crazy while typing.

14. Light candles in a pentagram around your terminal before starting.

15. Ask around for a spare disk. Offer $2. Keep asking until someone agrees. Then, pull a disk out of your fly and say, "Oops, I forgot."

16. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.

17. "DISK FIGHT!!!"

18. Start making out with the person at the terminal next to you (It helps if you know them, but this is also a great way to make new friends).

19. Put a straw in your mouth and put your hands in your pockets. Type by hitting the keys with the straw.

20. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.

21. Draw a picture of a man (or woman) on a piece of paper, tape it to your monitor. Try to seduce it. Act like it hates you and then complain loudly that men (women) are worthless.

22. Try to stick a Nintendo cartridge into the 3 1/2 disc drive, when it doesn't work, get the supervisor.

23. When you are on an IBM, and when you turn it on, ask loudly where the smiling Apple face is when you turn on one of those.

24. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.

25. Sit and stare at the screen, biting your nails noisily. After doing this for a while, spit them out at the feet of the person next to you.

26. Stare at the screen, grind your teeth, stop, look at the person next to you. Grinds some more. Repeat procedure, making sure you never provoke the person enough to let them blow up, as this releases tension, and it is far more effective to let them linger.

27. If you have long hair, take a typing break, look for split ends, cut them and deposit them on your neighbor's keyboard as you leave.

28. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.

29. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.

30. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.

31. Laugh hysterically, shout "You will all perish in flames!!!" and continue working.

32. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.

33. Assign a musical note to every key (ie. the Delete key is A Flat, the B key is F sharp, etc.). Whenever you hit a key, hum its note loudly. Write an entire paper this way.

34. Attempt to eat your computer's mouse.

35. Borrow someone else's keyboard by reaching over, saying "Excuse me, mind if I borrow this for a sec?", unplugging the keyboard & taking it.

36. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.

37. When doing calculations, pull out an abacus and say that sometimes the old ways are best.

38. Play Pong for hours on the most powerful computer in the lab.

39. Make a loud noise of hitting the same key over and over again until you see that your neighbor is noticing (You can hit the space bar so your fill isn't affected). Then look at your neighbor's keyboard. Hit his/her delete key several times, erasing an entire word. While you do this, ask: "Does *your* delete key work?" Shake your head, and resume hitting the space bar on your keyboard. Keep doing this until you've deleted about a page of your neighbor's document. Then, suddenly exclaim: "Well, whaddya know? I've been hitting the space bar this whole time. No wonder it wasn't deleting! Ha!" Print out your document and leave.

40. Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)

41. Stare at the person's next to your screen, look really puzzled, burst out laughing, and say "You did that?" loudly. Keep laughing, grab your stuff and leave, howling as you go.

42. Point at the screen. Chant in a made up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.

43. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.

44. See who's online. Send a total stranger a talk request. Talk to them like you've known them all your lives. Hang up before they get a chance to figure out you're a total stranger.

45. Bring a small tape player with a tape of really absurd sound effects. Pretend it's the computer and look really lost.

46. Pull out a pencil. Start writing on the screen. Complain that the lead doesn't work.

47. Come into the computer lab wearing several endangered species of flowers in your hair. Smile incessantly. Type a sentence, then laugh happily, exclaim "You're such a marvel!!", and kiss the screen. Repeat this after every sentence. As your ecstasy mounts, also hug the keyboard. Finally, hug your neighbor, then the computer assistant, and walk out.

48. Run into the computer lab, shout "Armageddon is here!!!!!", then calmly sit down and begin to type.

49. Quietly walk into the computer lab with a Black and Decker chainsaw, rev that baby up, and then walk up to the nearest person and say, "Give me that computer or you'll be feeding my pet crocodile for the next weeks"

50. Two words: Tesla Coil.

51. Bring in the "Human Clay" album by Creed. Insert it in the CD ROM, with the volume turned up as high as it can go. Whenever someone talks or types loudly, complain you can't hear your music.

52. Introduce your neighbor to your best friend Brian The Invisible Man. Have long, drawn out conversations with Brian discussing forms of government. Finally get into an augment with Brian, and storm out.

53. Bring in a ball and attempt to play catch with your computer, bouncing the ball off the computer screen. Begin to shout complaining your computer is a bad loser.

54. Walk into the computer lab with a goat. Try to force it to eat all the keyboards.

55. After fifteen minutes of surfing the web, jump up suddenly, scream, “Oh my god! The Earth *is* round!!!” and run out the door continuing to scream about your discovery.

56. Bring in a musical instrument and play “Mary Had A Little Lamb” completely off key.

57. Ask your neighbor if you can ride home with them since your five-year-old brother won’t be able to pick you up.

58. Cuddle with a stuffed animal as you type.

59. Set up Beast Machines figurines around your computer. Pluck them off one by one with spitballs. When done, jump up and shout “In your face Primal! No more organics on Cybertron!” Then throw all of the figurines on the floor and stomp on them. Pick them up, dust them off, repeat process.

60. Walk into the computer lab with a 15ft boa around your neck. Sit down calmly, pretending not to notice the snake. After 30 minutes, look down, and exclaim with surprise, “Hey! How did you get there?” Put the snake on the floor and allow him to slither wherever he wants.

61. Whenever you make a typo, attempt to use whiteout on the screen to correct it.

62. Spray paint your computer a bright lime green with blue polka dots.

63. Turn up the brightness on your computer as high as it will go. Claim that you’ve been blinded and want to sue.

64. Sneak into the computer lab before anyone else gets there. Pour a half bottle of glue on all the seats except your own. Chuckle evilly every time someone sits down. When its time to leave, you’ll be the first out the door.

65. Try to stick thumbtacks through the plastic of your monitor.

66. Come into the computer lab dressed for the beach. Look around and exclaim suddenly, “I knew I shouldn’t have taken that left turn at Alberkirky!”

67. Every time someone coughs, jump up and scream, “Oh no! He/She has the whooping cough!” then sit down calmly and continue typing.

68. Every time someone sneezes, get out of your seat and do a back flip.

69. Ride into the computer lab on a horse. Lecture everyone about the hazardous fumes of gas cars and saving the environment.

70. Every time someone sits down next to you, stare strangely at them, then get up and move to a seat with no one on either side.

71. Try to organize a game of duck, duck, goose.

72. If it’s hot outside, wear thick winter clothes and ask the supervisor to up the air conditioning. If cold outside, wear light summer clothes and ask the supervisor to turn up the heat.

73. Order a dozen large pizzas with the works to be delivered to your computer lab. When they come, stare accusingly at your neighbor and say loudly “I though I told you no anchovies on mine!”

74. Act out scenes from Star Wars Episode One: The Phantom Menace using the computer mouse as Darth Maul, a pencil as Princess Amidala, a paperclip as Anakin, etc.

75. Applaud your neighbor for a job well done every time he/she finishes typing a sentence.

76. Bring in a box of Pixie Stix, race the clock to see how many you can eat within a given amount of time. Complain later that you’re not feeling well.

77. Every time the computer doesn’t do what you want it to, kick it repeatedly.

78. Create a shrine around your computer dedicated to your favorite character in a child’s TV show.

79. Sing the Pokemon theme song while playing with Digimon toys.

80. Move from monitor to monitor fooling with the color and brightness knobs.

81. Talk to everyone in third person with a buzz on S’s.

82. Use a flamethrower on all of the slow computers.

83. Throw a large jar of yellow jackets into the room so that the glass breaks and releases them. Run out and lock the door. Grin in evilly through the window.

84. Hide under your desk and type by using a broomstick to whack the keys randomly.

85. Chew on the corner of your monitor. Claim it helps you think.

86. Remember: while macaroni and cheese may be good for you, it’s not good for computers. Bring in a big bowl of it to eat while doing your work.

87. Schedule a parade to pass through the computer lab.

88. Throw a chip at your neighbor every time he/she hits the space bar.

89. When doing a critical task, yell "OOPS!" for no reason.

90. Keep asking others if they know what they're doing.

91. Stand up and scream, "Let's play nitroglycerin soccer!"

92. Each time you hit a key, run frantically to the bathroom, scrub your hands thoroughly, run back to the computer lab. If someone asks why you are doing this, answer hysterically, “Because, man, germs are everywhere, man! We are participating in biological warfare every second, man! They’re, like, mutating, man, and turning into the deadliest, like, things this miserable little planet has ever seen… man!!!”

93. Pass love letters to your neighbor in Pig Latin.

94. Pretend to be a Velociraptor. Hiss, screech, and snarl savagely. Try to leap on and slash to death everyone in the room.

95. Recite passages from Swiss mathematician Leonhard Euler’s book “Mechanica” (1736-37).

96. Where a shoe on your head and do the Macarena.

97. Sit and stare blankly at your computer screen. Drool slightly.

98. Send a picture of Bill Clinton to each person in the computer lab.

99. Change the desktop picture to Bob Skir and the screensaver to different HASBRO producers running by trying to catch dollar signs.

100. Try to shove the computer speaker down your neighbors throat.

101. Make a list of 101 ways to scare and/or annoy people in a computer lab. Recite and test each way.