Thomas the Disciple

Part 1

BY MICHAEL CHRISTIAN

Acknowledgements:

My special thanks to the
Spirit of Inspiration, and
to my dear wife Shelley
for suffering it all
when perhaps I should have
been more gainfully employed.

"My sheep hear my voice,
and I know them,
and they follow me."

Words of Christ


CHAPTER ONE


THIS WAY NOT THAT


Two men were walking on a pathway; one said to the other as they met "You are lost and I am found, for the kingdom of God is this way not that."
For a moment the air was stunned and silent. Two strangers caught in a dilemma on a lonely country lane. Even the bird songs ceased and every eye turned to hear what would become of this statement.
"Are you sure?" said the man with the hat shading his eyes. His name was Thomas. His dress was casual with a white shirt bearing red squares open at the neck and knee length breeches buttoned at the knee as though he had been riding.
"I am sure of only one thing," said the other rather tall gentleman who's most striking feature was his large nose which seemed to make his face appear small by comparison, "that you shall know for sure only when you get there!"
Thomas lifted his black leather hat and mopping his brow with a white handkerchief said, "I'm not so sure then because I do not really know what there looks like, do you?"
"Yes," said this large nosed stranger. I once was shown my destination; a picture came to me of a great castle with fortified walls and I entered the gate and looked to see what was inside."
"And what did you see inside my friend?" the man with the hat asked, eager to see what he could not but wished to see.
"I saw a host of angels in discussion concerning many things. They stopped and turned as I approached, no doubt wondering just who I was. But they turned away and resumed their discussion about many matters and events to come. I overheard one say in a riddle."

"To this kingdom few arrive
but those that do have revealed eyes."

His friend answered in a most unusual way saying,

"The kingdom of heaven
is at last found."

"I did not at first see the significance of his words but in just being there I concluded, I must also have revealed eyes."
"This is indeed a wondrous thing which you have seen and more so the things which you have heard. What makes this drive you up this pathway to where we meet? Surely you must have more to drive you than imaginings!" said Thomas.
"My eyes have witnessed the glory of the Lord Jesus, who came to me in my despair. I called out to God who I had heard of in my youth saying, "I would rather be Your servant than to be a slave to this world."
"But surely these are imaginings also for we all have dreams and we all wish for better, especially in times of need. Tell me why do you journey this way on mere dreams and whispers" asked Thomas replacing his wide brimmed hat.
The man of vision looked deep into Thomas it seemed and a tear welled in his eye as truth wrenched deep at the roots in his heart.
"Almighty God came down from heaven that day and planted a seed in my heart and that seed began to grow as I read a marvellous book so old that the words were strange to my understanding. But as I read a tree began to take form inside of me with its roots established where every emotion in my body was sourced."
Thomas asked "Who are you that can say God came down to you and planted a seed and a tree grows inside of you?"
"I am, that's all. I can say no more for all that I have I carry with me, I have left everything behind that I was. I have no roots in the world any more, they have been torn up and I am free."
"You mean to tell me that you have no home and no family!" exclaimed Thomas.
"I did not say I had no home for you heard me relate my vision of a great castle where I am going, that is my home now and there I will live with my family. I may have left my old home but that does not mean I am homeless."
"You baffle me man of vision. What flimsy threads you hold too." scorned Thomas.
"Is that which you hold too sturdy enough a rope to save you friend?"
Thomas was visibly knocked by this for he had not considered the strength or need of salvation. He took of his hat and laid it on the ground and sat by a shade tree at the side of the pathway enquiring "What is this you say; salvation?"
"I once had the chance to go fishing for trout," the man of vision recounted. "The trout was swimming in a small stream feeding on morsels floating by. He was free. I cast a fly to this trout, a trout not young at all and measuring as long as my forearm. He took my fly and swallowed it and I had him on my line. He was caught. He was a clever brute and fought so well, nearly breaking my line several times, but I beached him. He was as dead. I had pity on the trout, being such a gallant fellow and had mercy on him to not kill him but instead revived him in the stream. He had salvation. He is a wiser trout today wouldn't you say?"
"So you are saying that salvation is knowing the value of freedom," Thomas pondered aloud. "This is an interesting thing to me for surely unless you have seen true captivity you can not appreciate true freedom. Tell me more of this place, this castle in the clouds."
"If I tell you of this place you would not be a man of vision like me but a man blown about by every wind of doctrine. For if someone else came by, a deceiver of men, and told to you a wild story, you would follow him also."
"But I wish to know more so that I can make up my mind as to what I should do," pleaded Thomas.
"What you should do is give up your life to my Lord and let him show you the destination also. But mind there are things you should know about my Lord before you do so because when he has you in his hand you are his and he does not let go of those who truly want eternal life."
"What is this eternal life you speak of. I like the sound of it. I could build up such an empire if I did not ever die," Thomas stated puffing up his shoulders and looking to and fro.
"Eternal life is a treasured gift my friend, one that you would rather sell all you have to own. It does not come to those who build empires for themselves but rather to those who build the kingdom of God."
"What do you say, should I work for someone else then? Why should I do that when I have to work so hard just to get sufficient for my own pleasure. No, you make no sense to me!" exclaimed Thomas.
"My friend you have found this truth that the kingdom of God is foolishness to men of this world," the man of vision stated. "I will leave you for I can do no more than this; to give a blind man the desire to search for his eyes and the beginnings of faith in his own ability to find them."
"Ah! you are a fool I think, I am not sure. Go your way and I will think over your words which have cut at my chest. I feel tired, I will rest a while here under this tree."
With that the two men parted as the man of vision followed his heart and the song he sung put a spring in his feet making the journey a very pleasant thing.

CHAPTER TWO


THE RAFT


Thomas lay there under the shady birch tree, pondering what this man had said. The gentle summer breeze rustled all the leaves above against the deep blue sky. He looked to see if he could just maybe see what the man of vision saw and presently drifted off. He began to dream and his dream went something like this:
Thomas saw himself on a raft floating down a river. The raft was sturdy and well bound with ropes and the river was swift but not unduly troublesome. He passed many things as he went, things along the banks. There were trees green and strong which had their roots well into the river drawing sustenance from the water which was his roadway.
This made him think that to one a river is sustenance to another transportation but still the same water. And he thought too, and as he did he saw, of the trout that the man of vision caught swimming along next to the raft and amazingly the creature spoke to him saying,
"I am your soul and I am yours if you chose."
Now this made Thomas wonder because he did not consider soul much more than an idea but here he was speaking to his own, a golden trout who's almost human lips moved to each and every word.
"What price do I pay for you, my soul?" he heard himself asking although his own lips never moved. From his heart the words came forth.
"I am yours and always was but you did not recognize me. I have always followed you as a passive unassuming friend, but you in that you did not recognize me, have given me over to darkness."
"What must I do to recover that which is stolen from me by ignorance?" asked Thomas his soul thinking also of how unfair it was to have your possessions plucked away without your knowledge.
"Reach down to your heart and break away the hardness of its shell, passing of your resistance to truth. Let me out by claiming me in," said the trout so pleadingly.
A tree beside the river began to wave its branches and whispered towards the raft as if the wind spoke plainly out of its branches, "Take heed your soul. Take heed your soul!"
But Thomas, unbelievingly, thought it the wind and let it pass.
A voice running deep with cunning called from the banks of the river to the trout, "Come over here for you are mine. Never mind the raft."
Thomas looked towards the voice and there he saw a man in the appearance of the very devil himself beaconing his very soul away.
He cried out, "Leave my soul alone. He's mine! He's mine! What right have you Satan to speak to my soul?"
But all the Devil said was, "All that is not found is mine by right for I am the king of darkness and all is darkness that is not in the light. All is mine that is lost."
Thomas wept deeply and cried out in his dream, "Save me Lord, save me!" and he wept tears that flowed from the very bowels of his heart. Tears telling the story of his childhood lost and mother's death and hopeless life he led. His tears ran as a tributary stream to the river joining the emotions of all those before him. The little raft altered course slightly as if it were pulled by an eddy in the river created by some giant hand. The raft went to the side of a boulder which divided the river in two so he went on to the narrow way which lay ahead, never knowing just how close he had come to going the other way for his tears flowed so profusely that his sight was lost to him.
All of a sudden Thomas felt warm as a spring shower passed overhead placing a glittering shroud on all the trees and flowered fields and a rainbow crowned his raft as it went along with the placid flow. He felt a hand on his shoulder which caught him at first by surprise but turning he felt reassured with its hold. His eyes could hardly bare the brightness he saw on the raft but there reassuring him sat a man in linen. The whole raft was aglow and the glow was warm and comforting.
"Who are you?" Thomas meekly enquired. No voice came to him but he knew this was Jesus of whom the man of vision spoke. He could feel the words that were true.
"Today you have found your soul," the feeling seemed to say, "and I am your Lord and saviour, Jesus your King." Thomas could barely raise his arm, his strength had gone from him though he tried, and the feeling said "no, do not try let me do it for you." With that the hand of the Son of God touched his lips making them new and with that He was gone.
Thomas could hear these words as He left as if printing them on his heart.
"Do always unto man those things I do for you. I have given you unfathomable speech to those of this world, but truth especially for you."
The warmth faded away as he rose from his dream. The shower had passed by, leaving a rainbow over the trees. The flowers of the field were radiant indeed with the refreshing moisture. The sun took on a special glow that Thomas had never seen before and he thanked God for the sun and rain and the flowers of the field and for the man of vision and his soul renewed.


CHAPTER THREE


WISDOM TEACHES


Now a mysterious thing appeared, a ray of light shone out of heaven at a tree along the way.
A voice came to Thomas saying, "Go there for I have prepared a lesson for you in that tree."
"What is there to lose?" Thomas said to the voice as he walked. "I really don't know any more. Perhaps I'll learn a thing or two."
As he reached the tree he saw two apples, one green and one red, and he though this odd because they were different kinds on the same branch.
He wondered, "What shall I do, eat one, but which?"
And the voice he had heard came to him again saying, "This is wisdom; ask for wisdom and it shall be revealed."
So Thomas closed his eyes and said, "Lord Jesus, my King, grant me wisdom that I might know what to do." As he opened his eyes a woman confronted him. "I am wisdom and I will court you all the days of your life if only you will do one thing for me."
"What is that which I can do for you?" Thomas asked inquisitively eager to gain wisdom.
"Pass off your foolishness and all of your worldly wisdom, for this is foolishness."
Thomas was not quickly moved to throw away all that he had learned in his life and so he toyed a little with the woman saying, "Surely it is not wise to throw anything away especially that which is so diligently earned."
Wisdoms' reply knocked Thomas flat.
"Keep your wisdom and choose the worm ridden apple or pass it off and have eternal life."
"Then I pass off my worldly wisdom gladly that I may eat the fruit of life," Thomas quickly replied marvelling at his sudden rush of decision making.
With that wisdom melted into Thomas and he walked away from the tree for he knew his lesson was learnt that no matter which apple he plucked they both belonged to the same tree and the tree was riddled with worms.
He turned away not knowing what was next but remembered the ray of light and so looked and there, yes faintly in the distance, was that ray leading him on. So he went and followed the light that was Jesus his Lord and came to a startling understanding.
"The light is not darkness and where I step is light as long as I follow Jesus."
His future seemed assured and Hope entered with Understanding as attendants to Wisdom, his new found bride.
Soon Thomas came to a deep blue lake where the ray of light seemed to be focussing his attention. The lake held many mysteries to him, the first as big as any.
"Lord why have you bought me here?" He asked aloud.
"I want you to find something for yourself," came the reply, "I want you to find yourself and I ask this question, Who are you?"
Thomas was dumbfounded saying, "This could take a while to be sure!"
He gazed into the reflection of his face in the water and all he saw was his face.
"But this is not me but rather him who I was," he said to himself. "I am more than a face in a mirror. Who am I indeed? Why, why I'm.... but I'm not really any more am I."
He asked Wisdom, "Who am I my bride?"
Wisdom replied, "You are a son of God!" came the quick reply.
Thomas pondered, "What does this entail I wonder," and he drifted off and lay on the white sand of the beach, closing his eyes as the spirit of sleep descended on him. His eyes that were internal, the eyes of his spirit, searched for Thomas and by and by found him fishing by the lake, though he did not at first recognize himself. This was a very placid fellow, eternally patient, waiting for a fish to bite his line. Then He saw his Lord standing by talking to him.
"Do you see what I see over there, Thomas?"
Thomas looked and in his dream and he saw the old man in himself like a shadow walking away in the distance and he called out to him.
"Don't be too hasty to leave."
Then he heard wisdom saying, "Why hold on to the past for I did not marry him but you. You are the one who courted me not he who has left."
"But who am I wisdom," he asked, "I am only what I will be from now on as though a baby. All I can say is that I am."
The word came to Thomas saying "Behold I will show you what you will be."
Following his Lord's hand Thomas looked and there he saw a boy like David, gathering stones for his sling before the giant Goliath. Boldly he faced his foe with only a sling and the living God between him and death. This frightened Thomas tremendously, he wished he never looked because the old Thomas could never do such as this. He woke up with a start by the lake's shore and dived into the water to break the dream with its coldness, but the truth was known and could not be denied. Yet he pondered that if his Lord thought him able then it must be, so he began to warm the possibility.
Thomas was a bit afraid inside but he felt confident in that as long as he walked in the light, darkness could not prevail over him. He would just have to make sure that he always saw the ray of light ahead. He swam on across the lake as it seemed he was already well into a mighty adventure which promised to be so exciting, more so than the life he left.
Thomas looked around for the ray of light from the middle of the lake but it was not to be found. Sudden fear came over him there so far from dry land and his ray of light, his only hope it seemed. The water was deep and he'd been swimming for quite some time and tiredness was beginning to take its toll. Panic began to grip his whole being making him shake as though he was very cold but it was not cold that gripped him but the icy hand of hades.
He remembered Wisdom, saying, "Where is my Lord, Wisdom?" the cry of panic in his voice.
"Fear not Thomas but return in the way you came and there you will find our Lord."
"Thank God for His Wisdom!" Thomas cried out to heaven as he pulled back the way he had come. "Thank God for Wisdom."
When he returned the ray of light still glowed on the beach where he had broken away, waiting for Thomas to take up his challenge.
The light focussed on a rock and these words came to him,
"You are as a rock to me and upon you I will build My own church."
This was a serious and powerful voice, like thunder rolling in the heavens, like crashing waves on an ocean beach. This voice had the power to raise even dead men out of the earth, surely the voice of Almighty God himself.
"These words I rain down on you My son; fill the shoes of my Son. Go the way of Jesus and life will follow in your wake."
Thomas was in awe and speechless. He had heard five voices; his soul, Satan, Jesus, Wisdom, and now Almighty God, and each had a lesson for him. Now Thomas knew not only who he was but who he was going to be and what he was going to do. He could not contain these thoughts though, they appeared too big for him to fulfil. What does it mean to build His own church?
The voice of Wisdom reassured him saying, "These things are not too large and bold for you. Know the Lord your God would not give you a task too great for you to do."
"But I am only an uneducated and childlike man who is supposed to build the most beautiful thing in the universe." Thomas contended as fear took over his spirit.
Wisdom encouraged him saying, "You are not the first to have been guided on this path Thomas. Peter the disciple of Jesus after his three times disowning Jesus became as a rock of the church."
"That's right!" thought Thomas, "and Jesus was the chief cornerstone I recall so that I am no more than another rock in the wall of the great city following those saints who preceded us."
Thomas pondered these things with fresh eyes on the scene and there he saw again that ray of light illuminating his next lesson on the pathway of his life.


CHAPTER FOUR


VAIN IMAGININGS


Far in the distance the ray shone clearly but he could not see upon what it shone so in faith he walked toward it taking his bearing on his future by what he knew of his short past. As long as he was walking towards it he was in no fear of being lost.
Over the rolling hills he walked, always checking his way by the light that Jesus had set before him. Thomas found himself trapped in his mind not knowing where it was leading him. The remnant of fear hung like clouds trying to extinguish the light. He wondered just what danger lay in the valley beyond and how hard the task of building God's own church might be. He began to put his own life as more important than the journey itself. He began to fear more than ever, death.
Voices began taunting him saying, "Are you really sure where you are going. Don't you think you are being silly following these imaginings. Take stock of yourself Thomas, you're throwing all of your past away in search of dreams."
Then suddenly Thomas stopped walking. He fell there on the ground into a depression. Self pity taunted him, pocking a finger at him. His eyes had become blinded by his own imaginings. Clouds hung over him damp and cold. The sun was totally obliterated by them. Thomas cried a deep hurt inside which spoke, "From Your grace O God I have allowed myself to fall." But these were not words of his normal tongue but a new language to his ears, one of feeling and compassion. One that flowed like a bubbling spring when no other words framed in his mind to cope with his cry.
Thomas was caught up by these words of a foreign tongue which came from his own mouth. He heard sweet flowing symbols and flutes and harps. He heard orders and commands that passed around him as though establishing defences. He heard his own heart taking dominion over his being and armies of angels falling into ranks by his side. He commanded them to blow away the clouds of doom around them and break the barriers down that kept him from his God. Thomas made a final cry out to God praying,
"Forgive me these vain imaginings O God for I have sinned in these thoughts so that I have been totally overcome. Forgive me O God and restore your servant and I will walk with you all the days of my life."
With that He stood and took up his walk leaving depression and vanity and self pity to wallow in their own mire without him. Joy came back into his heart as victory overcame him and his walk was sure and positive again toward the mighty mountain of God.
While he walked Thomas saw in the eye of his spirit an ear of corn opened and in its midst one kernel was brown, damaged and eaten by worm.
He asked the Lord Jesus "What are you showing me?"
I immediately he saw a hand as though pointing to the eaten part of the ear of corn where he saw the caterpillar devouring the whole thing so that in an instant it was totally messed up.
And the Lord Jesus said to him, "This is your life and the damage if not halted will destroy the whole ear for the worm is the destroyer and the destroyer is satan himself."
So Thomas at once made a declaration and proclaimed aloud saying, "These things which I hear of my Lord are true and I do here stand and acknowledge truth is established in me and the lies are hereby broken and my vain imaginings are put down. Amen."
"This thing, the worm, is a most terrible thing for it will be the continuing pestilence upon your life and must be at all times countered and rebuked," the Lord Jesus said to him. "If you want to follow me you must always know your enemy and be ever watchful."
"Lord can you not remove this threat from me so that I can walk in reassured peace forever?" asked Thomas.
"I have stated the situation for this is your testing," said the Lord "and you will at the end of your days in this world be triumphant and walk with me forever."
Thomas did not realise it but it was well into the night by now and hopes of finding shelter for the night were out of the question so he lay right there under the star bright sky and raised his hand seeing an umbrella establish over him in the spirit realm and there he slept peaceably 'till the night passed and the dawn light slowly walked over the mountains.


CHAPTER FIVE


FOOT HOLDS


Thomas listened to the delight of a skylark's chorus nearby. She had the beauty of the day in her song and his heart rejoiced even before he opened his eyes at the beauty that surrounded him. Daisy's and buttercup and dandelion plumes studded the field he lay in. A deer grazed near the edge of the forest and it did not run away when he stood, which fascinated Thomas as though peace surrounded his whole being. He walked right up to the deer reassuring it and touched it's nose as the deer reached out to scent his finger. But it was not to stand forever and pranced into the trees away from him when he tried to stroke it.
He thanked God for the new day and the peace and total reassurance that God was on his throne and Jesus was preparing his way and the spirit of truth was residing in his heart. But as he thanked God for life, he could see in the eye of his spirit a tree like an oak tree. It was sturdy and round the essence of strength, then with one blow an axe felled the tree to the ground leaving Thomas perplexed.
He asked, "Lord, what is this tree?"
And the Lord answered him saying, "This tree is the church that is, yet is not!"
Thomas was more perplexed inquiring of the Lord, "How is the tree a church that is not Lord?"
And the Lord answered him with wisdom and truth in his all knowing manor saying, "I am the Lord of all for I was there in the beginning and through me all was made. I did not waist my life for this that is to be felled for I have much to be accomplished. I live that others might have life and in that which is is death so that my axe will execute judgement which is righteous. For in the beginning the church was established in the likeness of me and from that base all should have preceded with pace yet do I look today and see it complete? No! for there in lies a darkness which is of the wanderings of man towards idols and not Almighty God of whom created all of this. How the heart of man is so easily distorted from the truth! How easily man finds comfort away from his God resting with gods. How easily he is deceived!"
"What is it that I can do? I am only a single soul amongst a generation of souls!" replied Thomas.
Jesus replied as though Thomas could see the tears which washed his voice saying, "Be free of tradition and you will find the true path for in tradition is a trap which has jaws of steel and locks of brass. Tradition has bindings that destroy a new soul and render him useless to me. Tradition is a thief and holds much power in the world. Yet you have my power, the power of the heavens at your disposal."
Thomas asked, "What is this you speak of, power in the heavens?"
The Lord Jesus quietly bought more truths to Thomas saying, "Truth is power. Truth is a strong vehicle to righting a wrong but it is not by confrontation or conflict that truth rides over a wrong but by example. I tell you truth is a straight edge that proves at a glance crookedness. Truth is a level to him who lays a basement and a plumb line to him who builds a wall. Truth is God's measure and judgement, his sceptre and scales."
Thomas walked without steps, his mind on spiritual matters taking in this revelation that in him was the power of heaven and the truth was that the power of death and hades was in a lie. Here was the power for his work in building God's own church and although men may despise his power and contrive to disprove and discredit him, to humiliate and overpower him with violent acts, to lie and cheat their way around him, yet Thomas had God's measure and judgement which could be made on the rock of truth.
If Thomas felt secure at all it was in that he walked with God. To be without God seemed so unreasonable to him now. So frightening that he reasoned fear a signal of even as much as a parallel walk. To be with God was not to be behind or in front or even parallel but right there with God. An integral part of God in that he was part of Thomas, not the old Thomas but the new. You see Thomas now knew that God was the rock of truth inside of him, an immovable rock of truth which he now gaged his whole life on.
Wisdom came to him saying, "A tree is more than a tree but also there are infinite varieties of tree. An oak for an oaks purpose. A palm for a palms purpose and a cedar for its own. The church is a tree for its purpose to hold together the family of birds of the air, of the heavens, a place of gathering together, roosting and nesting. It may bear fruit in its season just as all trees but will it bear cones or will it bear figs or apples. A man is a tree who may shelter a host of birds of song or a single bird of pray. He is a home either way and can determine his fruit."
Thomas asked, "How can a tree determine its own fruit? Surely it is the progeny of his parents!"
"If a tree sends its roots into the stream of life it will be nourished by life giving water. However should the tree remain shallow rooted and does not reach out for goodness it is bound to die at the mercy of the fickleness of the weather." Wisdom returned.
"Where is this stream of life that I might send my roots deep into it?" asked Thomas.
"Thomas you have found the stream of life and it has become in you a river of wisdom and truth, a light on your pathway and a generous portion in your life. God is in you!"
"How do I get this tree to drink of a different water?" asked Thomas, "It is not within my power to force a whole church to drink from a steam after many generations of living on lifeless water."
"Thomas you do not understand the power that is in the heavens. Their power is as the wind which can only blow over the shallow rooted. My power is as a fresh breeze in a man's heart and a gentle zephyr in a man's mind. Yours is a special breeze which has not blown for some time, the breath of my spirit. The power is not merely in the words but in the combination. They are jewels individually that together make fine pieces to adorn the wearer. They are precious stones well polished and smooth by my hand. They are life to the wearer. Truth is far deeper than the oceans might imagine and although the mind may not assimilate it yet the heart can see the truth with its own eyes and respond accordingly. This is the wonder of God!"

CHAPTER SIX


KINGDOM AT HAND


A vision came upon Thomas and he saw himself having entered a gateway to an ocean beach and in front of him a woman came out of the ocean a prisoner within the bounds of the fences around. He was reading a newspaper as he walked and on seeing the woman altered his course towards the main part of this prison. The woman he knew eyed his ability to walk freely between the outside and the prison and took it upon herself to try the same. But with that he noticed a lion prowling the beach which had also entered and he gave the warning to the many prisoners,
"watch out for the Lion on the loose."
He ran with the others for safety along the pathways amongst many pens of antelope and deer. The prisoners crushed into their buildings and so he could barely squeeze in. As he watched the lion came swiftly amongst the crowd and seized a young animal caught in the rush. Thomas was perplexed by all this and asked what it might mean.
Wisdom came with understanding saying, "These are the children of God who have laid up prison walls around themselves so that they might protect themselves from the marauding beast and yet have made themselves prisoners within their own walls. For the beast is the destroyer and a lie and they sacrifice to him in the hope that they will be spared."
"Then what must I do Father," Thomas inquired.
The voice of the Lord came to him bearing still more truth to his growing crop, "You are the one who in his saying can speak the good news of the day and in finding a people imprisoned set them free from the lie that enslaves them." "But," rebounded Thomas, "what in heavens name will I say. I must get to work and prepare a speech so as to convince the people of the truth and yet I have no topic. What shall I do?"
"Thomas," came the voice quietly and ever so tenderly, "You have Me in you. Be at peace. Know that I am the Lord your God and Father of all these children and I have this day called upon you to witness of Me to my children and say to them that which I say to you for you will not speak of Me but I through you. This is the course you will take for in so doing you will build with My hands the kingdom of God for each that witness' of Me is in Me and the kingdom will spread from this beginning in you as it also spread from a beginning in he that witnessed to you concerning your direction upon the road that is my pathway. For he My servant did not convince you of himself but rather opened a doorway that I might convince you as you were to be convinced. As he also set your mind to searching so you will set in the minds of man the desire to search. This is a kingdom growing and stretching and yearning towards eternal life and having found it, also found peace. For I am that which is but a ripple less pond and you are seated at My footstool beside the living water. Listen to me Thomas I call you this day go disciple men and fear not for I am and always was and always will be and you are there by My grace gifted and free for I would not bind you but encourage you as a loving Father. Go and teach of this kingdom of ours and we will take this world by storm and make of it a peaceful nest on which I can sit and make My children a home under My wings."
Thomas felt more at ease and really peace had seemed to descend upon him and he determined in his own mind some realities. "Peace is only the removal of confusion and confusion is when truth is not yet revealed by the light. I wonder whether I can train myself to be at peace and not allow this Lion to destroy my contentedness and therefore my peace which is where I sit before the feet of God. I wonder if even I can be as Christ in that He, even He, lives because of me......"
"How precious it is that He spent His life so that I might grow into life also and I be spent also that another, or dare I even contemplate many, might enter eternal life because of me. How gracious is the love of the Father that He also gives of the inheritance of His son to one who least of all deserves that he might also give it away to his brother. For as much as comes there is equally more. For the kingdom of God is inexhaustible in that truth and love and grace and wisdom are without boundary that individuals might exclusively own them, and such in themselves that by inheriting them one is bound to share them."
"Is this me who is thinking these profound thoughts?" Thomas enquired of God. And yes without needing to search out the answer he knew already for inside of this man came a fountain of truth in itself, self-knowing, self-judging and self-enlightening. Life was to know one was alive and enjoy the contented conversation of ones own heart which is the alter place of God.
"Then I shall go to work!" Thomas stated and with that looked about for the ray of light which illuminated the next need to fulfil for the establishing of this glorious kingdom. The truth is that the lie shall be put down and the kingdom will grow day upon day and the sun shall not halt in the sky until this day is done.
And there came to him a woman dressed in rags and he perceived that she was lost and in need of clothing. So that in pure concern for her health he took from his back his own shirt to cover her nakedness.
The woman was not at all clean or good looking but a hag and he saw the years of difficulties etched upon her face, the hardships and grief and pain she had borne and his compassion rose in him like a flood which overwhelmed him because he would never have acted this way in the past but rather been repulsed by the sight of her. He laid his shirt on her shoulders and found himself saying, "Come alive good woman for the kingdom of God is at hand."
The woman though having a quick tongue found herself at a loss for words and barely uttered saying, "I am no good. What are you talking about? I have done many things which I am ashamed of just to have enough to eat and my children I have abandoned because I could not feed and cloth them. I am but a wretch. Though I have tried I have failed in this miserable life. The grave is to me a blessing to get it all over with."
And Thomas bewildered by this frankness found himself saying, "By the kingdom of God you are not lost but rather found and though you have sinned and are cast down in your own eyes by the tormenting of the liar, you have been redeemed this very hour."
With that a power came through the woman and her back was made straight and she stood tall and the black scarf covering her head fell to the ground to reveal a warmth. It took away the years of pain from her face and redeem the years. That very hour a self confessed hag turned into a princess before Thomas's very eyes for what Thomas was now seeing was a miracle of God and though he did not yet know all he had shared the mantle of his inheritance with her and by it she came in to inherit the same.


CHAPTER SEVEN


IN THE DELL


"Have you ever seen the daisies of the dell?" the woman asked, "Have you ever sat in the dell over amongst the trees and listened to the birds singing? Come and sit with me a while and tell me about this kingdom."
Thomas introduced himself quietly, although he really did not know what to say he really was, but then given the circumstances he thought it unwarranted, she could probably deduce that better than he. "My name is Thomas, and I am a recent convert to believing in such matters myself yet without even realising it I have been utilised in the will of God that is to share His kingdom with whoever might receive it.
The dell was indeed a very pretty sight to share with daisies carpeting the floor and great fir trees completely surrounding as walls of a great cathedral and yet much much more beautiful and with an air sweet with the perfume of the carpet and the hush of the presence of royalty. The branches of the trees seemed to bow down as if to shake their hands and indeed Thomas took hold of one while unnoticed as a greeting and giggled inside of himself as if the tree had said "Good-day!"
The woman began to unfold her feelings as she reclined amongst a clover patch drinking in the sunshine as if it were food to her soul, "I can not understand what happened to me just then and yet I know for sure that it happened. I was being moved as soon as you laid your shirt on me as if the sun had just broken through the clouds. All was grey and gloomy in my life or rather death as it seems now. My God doesn't the sky look blue all of a sudden. I'm so happy and content. Can you hear that little songster in the trees over there?"
"Yes isn't it sweet," replied Thomas with a smile remembering his own transformation only days earlier.
"Do you expect this will last," asked the woman. "My name is Joan by the way," she introduced herself with a smile. "Well," said Thomas, "if my case is anything to go by I expect you will be swept of your feet with new things from now on. It's quite the most exciting time I've had in my life! But I guess there is a different path for each child of God into the future but they all end up home eventually."
"What do you mean home Thomas," she asked.
"Do you know that the kingdom of God is in heaven and all who are redeemed are son's and daughters of God so that home to them is where their Father resides. I imagine home is where the heart is, if you love your Father and He loves you, you'll never want to part."
"Then if God is our Father then He must be here with us in this dell because He loves me I know, I felt it so strong there before. I never felt love like that before Thomas, never in my whole miserable existence have I really known love. Once I knew a boy and as teenagers we really enjoyed each others company but he went to war and I never saw him again. I guessed he was killed and it hurt because I didn't realise it but I was fond of him in a way. It hurt when he was gone, you know, because I missed him."
"I know what you mean because I felt this love too when I came to know God. At first I couldn't quite get a grip on it as though it should hurt but it didn't," Thomas replied with some wonder in his voice as if looking into a void of unfathomability. "It's a bit like a great waterfall crashing all over you and the warmth of it makes all the tension let go and run away in fear."
"It almost felt like someone had picked me up in His enormous hand and was stroking me like you might a kitten. Do you know my back feels like it's bent backwards, it's rather odd."
"Actually it's not bent back but just straight now rather than hunched like you were when I first saw you," explained Thomas.
"Do you know I can sort of see fairies over there in the corner of the dell, walking, no flying towards us," the woman said pointing. "It's like a choir of angels and they're rising up," she pointed with her raised eyes, "and singing beautifully something like, "Hal- le- lujah, hallelujah, praise to him that lives forever."
"Yes praise indeed to You Father, Praise you indeed for this wonderful miracle," Thomas said as he found fault in himself for neglecting praise to God for the wonderful things happening. The trees formed this pillar-like cathedral of praise and worship and the angels of heaven it seemed had come to sing with the songbirds praises and delight also to the mighty works. All of creation it seemed was delighting for their purpose and place in this life with them and inside this dell life existed for living and living they all did for this moment in time with joy and happiness.
Thomas enquired with his inner voice of what had transpired and a new understanding came to him as though a veil curtain stood beside him. From his side he could see all that was the kingdom of heaven and then also the other side which was the world at large but the veil was a blank wall to those who looked from the world's side. Heaven was at hand but only available to those who believed; to those who seek and knock and ask. There was a whole kingdom at ones side without barriers and all were held at bay by the untruth that is passed down from generation to generation by the perpetuation of the myths and lies.
A door had opened, the clouds had lifted to reveal a new dimension of faith for God had been there all along thrusting His hand through the veil to those who He loved. Christ came and died and the veil was torn in two. Christ rose from the dead and the mystery of the kingdom was put down and mankind could come before God if only he believed. How easy it was to trust in God when you know that access is not restricted by anything that He has imposed and grace is a free gift to those who reach out in faith.
"Faith!" Thomas spoke out unaware of his whereabouts, "This is indeed something to behold; a precious gift indeed! But his heart was crying inside, it was plainly evident on his face to anyone who looked but now the dell was empty, the woman was gone own her path in the kingdom of God. Christ had come and opened her eyes and now it was Christ who would teach her at the pace in which she could be taught. Others would help if help was needed but mostly the kingdom takes care of its own and she was in the Hand of God.
"Where is this church you build on me if the first stone has walked away Lord?" cried out Thomas.
"Thomas, did you expect to build something for yourself. You should have known you were building for you Father who is in heaven. For you were not the cornerstone but far up the wall you are placed, upon the generations before. Freedom is not to be caught in a congregation of people searching but rather out plundering the realms of the enemy. Could you see what potential you have in My sight as a follower of men rather be a leader of men for if you should find comfort in a flock of mans building you would be slaughtered in My sight and devoured by them and your blood would cry out to me for eternity saying "Why Father, Why was I not shown the way?" and yet you have been shown the way as all the rest but if you chose to stay with them then it is upon your own head."
A vision came to Thomas of a roadway paved and open and it led to a great castle who's gates were in view. On this highway came the children of Almighty God by a man has set up a stall beside the road in the name of Jesus the Christ and he tells the people that he is the one who will save them as their elected and equipped minister of the Christ. The stall holder directs the children of God to a holding area off to the side of the road where they pay tithes and wait in the sight of the castle walls in a state of readiness to be saved. Meanwhile the Father in heaven sits in His court waiting for His children but they do not come and He wonders and asks "Where are all My children, why do they not approach Me and present themselves to Me?" and His son who sits at His right hand must say to His Father, "There is one who sells his wares at a stall outside the wall and the truth is not in him and he deceives the people with fine words so that they remain in their sin and he comforts them with his wares. He convinces the people that he has the light but I am not in him for darkness is all about him and he casts a broad shadow on the land."
Thomas knew the cry in his heart now to be for all those of his family trapped in ignorance and the would be shepherds who are misguided and blind to the destruction they are nurturing. The appointed shepherd's are asleep, blind and captive. They are not shepherds at all for their flock remains unshorn and in poor health. Where are the lambs? Why do the not multiply?
The neglect in the church had caused Thomas himself to stay away. The hypocrisy was in the lost state of the church. They said this is what Jesus did and Jesus is alive today yet where are the wonders of old. The promised land was in his own hands.


CHAPTER EIGHT


BRUSH WITH DEATH


For the first time in several days Thomas remembered his stomach. He had not eaten since before the meeting with the man on the road and with that thought hunger pangs began to invade him. The dilemma of existence had invaded his mind.
"Lord I must go and find food and rest a while!" he stated quietly out loud.
"My son fear not that you will outrun your own body. Instead look to spiritual food and you will walk in the light of a thousand men."
"But Lord I have no means of buying food or even renting a bed. How shall I live?" Thomas queried suddenly realising how his life had changed from the life he had led only days before.
"I am in your eyes and in your ears for the benefit of mankind Thomas. Fear not for you need do nothing more than trust in Me."
"That's all very well," said Thomas rather indignantly, "but I am a human being not just spirit. I need to keep my body in good shape otherwise I will be of little use to you or mankind."
"Trust Me Thomas. I will not let you die of hunger but achieve what we will you need to follow the path clearly for you do not know what complacency will enter your soul should you begin to indulge immediately in things of the flesh. I have a plan and if you can follow Me you will achieve this plan easily but should you wander on your own way then I can not be sure of being able to guide you back safely."
"But this sounds like slavery to me, without food and caught in this plan it is as though prison walls were around me and my jailer was a hard man."
"You must see things from My perspective Thomas. You will eat at the time for eating and work when the time is for working for all things have their season. Would you prefer to be blind to this world and be dominated by it as you once were?"
"Perhaps it was better to be blind to the captivity of the world as long as I was free in it to eat and rest in comfort," said Thomas somewhat arrogantly.
"I say this to you that if you desire to live for this short time on earth in that light then I say you are free to do so but are not free at all. When your time is up death will claim you as all the rest and Hades will be your home forever. Do you consider forever Thomas? It is much longer than you can imagine to be incarcerated without hope. There is no reprieve once the time is established for you."
"Our outlook is so limited without Your eyes Lord. Please forgive me for my short sighted-ness and stupidity for not knowing the limitations of my own knowledge. I can see that the knowledge in Your hand is complete and mine does not even register on Your palm."
"You are wise by My wisdom though Thomas if only You look and see and ask so that I might answer. This is far greater wisdom than most of mankind will ever have at their disposal so count your blessings for I am that which will make you stand when death calls upon you."
"Then Lord cast out of my stomach the pangs of hunger."
"Just keep your mind on where we are going and the pangs will have no water to feed on and they will die."
Thomas did as suggested and rising up he looked in the light ahead and with energy returning to his muscles returned to the roadway and continued on his journey. But one thing still perplexed his mind and kept him from striding forth with a spring in his step. It was the thought of eternity and incarceration without hope. It became so great a domination upon his mind that it began to become a fearful thought etched on his memory. In fact it would become the driving force to his walk for the rest of his days and though he could put it aside for a long while it would still be to his ship a lighthouse proclaiming "Keep clear of the rocks of destruction."
"What on earth?" cried Thomas inside. A strange feeling had come over him as if a cloak had been placed on his shoulders. He looked around rather frightened but saw nothing but the roadway front and back. Suddenly in the eyes of his spirit he saw a terrible creature spring from the trees at the side of the road in the form of a black hooded man. Its form was vague as if trying to hide from him and not be recognized.
"Who are you? What do you want with me?" Cried Thomas fearfully.
"I am death and I have come to defeat you!" he heard in his spiritual ears. "You can not escape me but must face me I lay claim to your life."
"Leave me alone I am a son of God! How dare you come against me!" With that this creature came extending a long black gloved arm and pointed a back finger which touched his upper right arm.
"Leave me alone I am saved and you have no hold on me."
But the finger pointed and never wavered from his arm. The thoughts in his mind were confused and Thomas searched for the pathway out of this frightening dilemma. Thoughts of suicide went through his mind as arrows from a long bow. The finger was accusing him inside and now pointing at his head like a gun barrel.
"Lord save me! Save me!" he cried out but still the finger persisted with confidence.
"Father what can I do?" The panic of the feelings in him restricted him from the peace that was necessary to communicate with God but as he asked it was as though peace began to descend and the panic ebbed away and he saw a vision of a knight and a dragon fighting. The knight had a sword but he was only slashing at the flames so that the dragon was not hurt by his actions. He also noticed the flames did not actually burn the knight and realised the words of this creature were actually all that was hurting him in his mind. The words were trying to make him want to kill himself and He wondered if it had any more power over him than that. Words began to frame in his mind and saw the sword of the knight beginning to drive toward the feet of the dragon but lifted as the words became solid saying, "You are no more than a lie for I see beneath your clothing and you have no substance. You are the very vile of the earth, a destroyer of men and you have no authority over me, only the lie that you are." And with those words the feelings vanished. The cloak lifted and peace reigned all around.
"Thank-you Lord, now I trust you for You knew all along this was laying in wait for me and You had prepared me for this battle in fasting and I am grateful for Your wisdom and preparation and salvation."
Thomas was beginning to get a grip on salvation, that it was not a place but rather the prepared state of a soldier in an army who are fighting their part in the victory of life. It was part of the soldiers armour. Rather than where he rests his head it was protection for it. And the sword which the knight had used was also protection in that when spoken it dispelled lies and revealed the truth which his salvation had made available to him. The battle had taken a lot of strength and Thomas felt rather worn out afterward and though he walked on for a bit he felt sleep descending on him and he let it have its peace with him as he lay in the dry grass of the roadside.
The thoughts of the knight fighting the dragon recurred in Thomas making him wonder if perhaps a shield was a good thing to carry about him to stop things like death having such a violent effect on things.
"If I had a shield I wonder what it would be?" He asked aloud.
"If you carry a shield at all My son carry it well. Hold it high to the enemy for he is not about to let you walk the earth freely without some attempts at restricting you. He would like nothing more then to cut down your tree because you can be sure he knows how very dangerous you could be to destroying his tree. He has built up a library of lies enough to topple even the most wise of men."
"So my shield is not to listen to these lies but instead grasp and hold tight to the truth which comes from You Father. I take my shield down when I take in the lies.... Father this is indeed simple yet complex in that I do not know all things.... but then I have You which allows me to find out the truth about all things... Yes I think I am beginning to understand the simplicity of Your way. You are my library and I have free access to wisdom and understanding simply in the asking."
"If you should need these things also it is yours before the need arises so that you do not need to hold all of the complications in your mind but rather free your mind to peace and prayer. In prayer all things are revealed so that it is not a library but a seed which comes from a tree with much fruit. Each seed is ready to fall to fill the precise need. Just reach up and pluck for it is yours already for I say to you all that is mine I have given to you."
"Then it is simply my faith in You, my trust in You which is my shield and My hope is in You of things to come! All of this comes with the robes of our family; all is linked together like a cloak of mail protecting us and you are that cloak, our overall protection. When I reach out this cloak You also encompass them and protect them. So then the woman on the road was brought into the kingdom simply by my extending the kingdom to her....." Thomas remained in awe at these realisations not quite conscious to his whereabouts, but found in his thoughtful to and fro-ing of his mind.
"Then our inheritance is this cloak made of many colours each for its own purpose...."
"Seven colours to be precise!" the voice interrupted.
"Look at the rainbow Thomas. What do you see? Here is your hope in these colours, red is for life, orange is for love, yellow is for grace, green is for mercy, blue is for purity, indigo is for peace and violet is for truth."
Thomas saw again the rainbow of protection above him the umbrella of seven colours which was his shelter. He could sleep with truth and peace, purity and mercy, grace and love and above all life everlasting.
When he woke he was refreshed and inside of him exploded the learning given him as he slept for even his sleep was a classroom of education. Sudden understanding were in his mind as he woke like paintings on a gallery wall. His eyes were still closed to the world but opened inside to great treasures. Gradually though he grew accustomed to the light of his bodily eyes and the others faded into memory. It was early in the evening and the sky was orange with sunset reminding him of the love God has for creation. The awe of the sunset filled his whole comprehension. The total majesty if this portrait gave him a sense of the master artist which is God. Every day a new and fresh landscape, different colours and hews, varying shadows and intensities. "How the colour of creation reflects You Father, I never realised how close You were to us. How ignorant we are in our self-importance and how humble You are in your existence."
"In every tree and flower and soul there is a story and each is a gift to all but only seen by him who has eyes, or the truth be known, who bothers to look and see." the voicE explained. "Things are only things until the light dawns on them and man makes endeavours to understand them. There is a thread which passes through the whole of creation, a simple thread of gold attached to My own hand for it is by My own hand that all of this was and is and ever will be. It is by My command that all existence has breath."
"How very blind we are and how ignorant we are only beginning to understand for the simplest stupidity is not to bother looking," Thought Thomas. To eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil is to eat a partial diet which does not nourish the whole person but only the flesh. It leaves the soul as if it did not even exist and tries to influence your deeds towards destruction in the futile attempts at satisfaction man makes when he lives without God. His whole past life seemed so vile to Thomas now; so far away as to be another lifetime which was over, gladly buried and death was welcome to it. It seems the attempts to cover up his past emotions each time only made a bigger hole to cover up all over again. He remembered his broken marriage and his children who he had abandoned because he couldn't get on with his wife any more. They had separated after years of disharmony but the contract had not been broken. The love had gone but not the memories and the attachment of time.
"What had become of them?" Thomas thought to himself and he shed a tear or two mourning the loss which before had not been a loss but rather glad of the peace when it ended.
"Some day when I can I shall go to see them again. I wonder if they will even give me the time of day? I wouldn't blame them if they didn't. I uplift this to You Father; place it in Your care to prepare the way. In You I will hope!"

Part Two