We Are Leaving
We are leaving soon. He told me this last night. He also told me the work
will be hard and I will not be greatly indulged on this journey. I don't care.
When he began to speak of going away my stomach would clench. I could feel every
muscle in my body tighten. He was going away ... I would be left alone again in
the house. It was more than just being alone ... He would not be there and that
is what made me want to run away before he could say he would leave and I would
be left behind.
Dina told me to tell him ... to beg to be taken on this journey. She even
suggested I tell him that I would become too needy while he was away to be left
alone. We laughed picturing my saying that to him.
But I did beg to be allowed to go. He did not respond right away and I thought
for a moment that I could not stand to be told no. Master Salen arrived then and
Master began to speak to him about the journey. He said he had a request ... a
favor to ask. I could hear them talking although I was in the kitchen. I thought
he was going to ask Master Salen to watch over me while he was gone. Time seemed
to stop ... I couldn't breathe. I looked at the door in the far corner of the
kitchen. It led outside and I thought, I will run through it if he says he is
leaving me here. My eyes were already stinging with tears and he had not even
said the words.
There will be three on this journey. Master, Master Salen and the slave joy.
We are going first to the cabin in the woods that is Master Varhan's. I do not
know if he is there or what he will say or do when we arrive. I try not to think
about it. I am a slave and what I want is of no consequence here. Whatever
happens is between men.