Pangs
He left me in service in the Tavern last night. He was tired and needed his rest
and I had not been released. I felt an odd pang as he left and a sense of loss.
The feeling surprised me deeply.
Michael used to leave parties to go home earlier than I did and I'd dismiss him
with a barely lifted wave of my hand and a casual "later" tossed over my
shoulder.
I grew used to Master Varhan's absences. The first was painful and confusing. I
remember falling asleep before the hearth in the great room, my head on Master
Szol's leg, as he assured me Master Varhan would return. After that, the trips
away grew increasingly frequent and I ever more bold, which is what precipitated
his last journey away. I mourned him long ago. I think he is not going to return
and will choose a solitary life away from Ar.
My feelings last night gave me pause. He asks me when I offer him his wine and
say to him "Master, i bring you wine" ... "What else do you bring?" "Cheese," i
said once. "A naked girl to kneel at your feet ... a red silk girl to entwine
herself around your feet." I've said all those things. Although I speak the
truth, I am not being completely honest.