Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Hey, you’re ‘sposed to say ‘who’s there?’
Who’s there? I ask.
Orange. Say: orange who?
Orange who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who? I sighed.
Banana… oh wait. I mean banana. Oh? Oh! I was ‘sposed to say banana when you say knock knock because then I would say that over and over and over and over again, and then I would say orange, and then you would say orange who, and then I would tell you ‘orange you glad I didn’t say banana,’ and then we would all laugh because isn’t that silly?
Yes, that would be very silly. Now Amber, please take a bite of your macaroni and cheese. It’s the yummy kind you like.
Are you sure that this is the yummy kind that I like because the one that I really really like is the one on da TV because it’ss da one dat is macaroni and cheese, wait, I mean da one dat is CHEESE and macaroni ‘cuz I like a lot of cheesy, ‘cept not when cheese is old and moldy like when dat guy on dat show said in dat other language, oh in Spanish, dat el kel-so es vee-e-jo e moldy, but I forgot how to say it right because I don’t remember, but I do remember that it was so funny that when Jimmy, who is this yucky boy in my class, saw dat movie he laffed and icky snot came out of his nose and he…
Really? I interrupted. Sorry I missed it. Now you don’t want to miss your favorite show, so please eat.
I don’t wanna miss my a-or-it show. What’s my a-or-it show ‘gain?
Barney. Please, open your mouth. The airplane is flying into Amber’s mouth. Open the hang-glider.
Oh, Barney. Barney? Oh that’s right. Lainey, did you know that my favorite show is Barney because I like him because he’s a purple ty… tyran… T-rex who is nice and ‘cuz his friend is Baby Bop and ‘cuz he sings songs like I love you, you love me, we’re…
Amber, I am so happy that you like Barney. Now, please open your mouth. Look! The choo-choo train is coming. Choo-choo!
I like the choo-choo trains. And I like cars and horsies and birdies and bunnies and butterflies butterflies and effelants and all da other ones dat I like. Which one do I like? And, oh, Lainey, Lainey, Lainey! Can I ask you something? Do you like food?
Yes I do. You like food too. Please eat.
Look, Lainey. See food. You ‘ike ‘ee ‘ood!
No, I like to eat food. You are supposed to ask if I like seafood, like shrimp. And I don’t. Please close your mouth while chewing.
Oh, ‘orry ‘ainey. I ‘orgot. A macaroni splattered onto the plastic fire engine place mat. I wipe cheese off my cheek.
Please Amber, please eat.
Okay Lainey. ‘Cuz my teacher told me… oh, do you know dat dis girl in my class she had to go to da baffwoom but da teacher who was mean said dat she couldn’t go but da girl, she really really REALLY had to go pee-pee, so when da mean teacher said no no and go to your seat and be quiet, dis girl, she peed right on the floor on the teacher’s shoes and then went to her seat, but no one was quiet ‘cuz she pee-peed on da teacher’s shoes and it was so silly! And everybody saying, eww gross!
Amber, stop talking. Eat.
I am. But Lainey, you didn’t say the magic word. Gee. Mommy said dat everybody has to always say da magic word like thank you, I mean, pwease ‘cuz dat is whad good girls and boys go and ‘cuz Santa knows if you are not good or bad so you might not get lotsa toys for Chrissmiss but ‘cept when I’m bein’ a good girl…
Please!