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| Discipline Matters! by Wendy Wiebe "And, ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 The basic difference between discipline and punishment lies in the focus. The focus for discipline is to teach future good behavior, whereas the focus for punishment is to inflict revenge for past misdeeds. It is not a parent's right to "get even" or to punish his children but it is a biblical responsibility of parents to discipline their children. Discipline should be done with love. Punishment is often done with anger. Loving parents will instruct, set limits, ground, or use reason to ensure that the child does not repeat his misdeed. A spanking that is administered by an angry parent who is venting his feelings, is punishment and cruel. If parents are constantly harsh and angry, their children will grow up resentful, angry, and rebellious. PARENTS MUST DISCIPLINE WITH LOVE. A few guidelines: *Remember kids are kids! Keep your sense of humour. (You'll need it!) *When giving instructions to your child, have him look in your eyes, to be sure you have his attention. Kids have a way of tuning you out! Have them repeat the instruction back to you to be sure they've heard and understood. *Be specific. "Clean your room" can mean something totally different to a kid than to a parent! Try "Put the toys on the shelf, and the clothes in the hamper. " *Do not make idle threats. Mean what you say or your words will not hold any weight. *Praise your child. "You did a good job cleaning your room!" Avoid empty flattery. "you're so cute!-all the boys will be chasing you!!" *Spanking is biblical (Prov. 13:24, Prov. 22:15) but is wrongfully and overused by many parents. Spankings should be reserved for outright defiance and willful disobedience. Use other discipline methods for normal kidstuff such as an irresponsible action. Do not slap a child in the head, face, ears, back, or jerk them by the arms. A common injury seen in Children's Emergency Rooms involve children with dislocated shoulders. A spanking only needs to sting enough to get the message accross. Leaving welts and bruises is not necessary and is abuse. *Keep the disciplinary action in accordance with the 'crime' as well as age-appropriate. Vary your methods of discipline, especially if one isn't working. There is an appropriate place for 'time-outs' or to deny privileges. Children that are careless with property (either by breaking or losing items) should be taught responsibility, by replacing the item from their allowance. When I told a fib as a child, my father (ever the school teacher!) had me write out scriptures about lying! THE GOAL OF DISCIPLINE IS NOT TO HURT (although it may!) BUT TO TEACH, TO TRAIN, TO CORRECT! *Toddlers get in trouble because of their curious natures. It is natural for them to touch, bit, taste, smell, and break everything in their reach. If they insist on touching your precious breakables, distraction is often the most effective method of discipline. *All parents 'lose it' from time to time. If you have over reacted or been unfair, go to your child and apologize. Don't let resentment grow in his heart. It will do your child good to hear you say, "Sorry, I was wrong." (Next time count to 10!) *ALWAYS end any disciplinary session with prayer, hugs, kisses, cuddles and LOVE. Never withhold your love from a child who misbehaves. (often a child's misbehaviour is a cry for love and attention.) A parents love (as God's love) must be unconditional. |
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