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| United or Divided? by Wendy Wiebe "Behold how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity." Psalms 133:1 I observed a situation with a young family one afternoon. It went something like this....... A two year old little girl, *Cassidy, was playing hapily while her parents chatted with friends. She found a clothespin on the floor and proceeded to try to pull it apart. Her father noticed and gently told her. "Cassidy, please don't play with the clothespin. You're going to break it." The child's mother, her protective instincts rising to the forefront, (and probably not wanting a scene) immediately stuck up for her daughter. "Oh leave her alone. She's not going to break it. It's not hers!" argued the father. "Who cares? It's just a clothespin. It doesn't matter." said the mother. As they bickered back and forth, little Cassidy's eyes went from her father to her mother and back again, her little fists clutching the clothespin for all she was worth. With her mother on her side, she was not about to give it up...... The thing that really bothered me about this situaltion was not that the child could break a clothespin. That really was a non issue. Although the father did have a valid point in trying to teach his child not to take that which does not belong to her. But what really got to me was that the parents were not on the same team. The father spoke first and the mother interfered. In matters of discipline, children need to know that their parents are on the same team and will back each other up. Children learn VERY young how to play one parent against the other if one tends to be more lenient than the other. Parents may not always agree in matters of rules and discipline. In fact some parents are miles apart in their ideas of child rearing. This can cause big problems in a marriage as well as with the children. How can we as parents get on the same team and let peace reign in our homes? First of all, pick your battles. If it's something very major and important to you, then you definitely need to talk about it. But NOT in front of the kids! Let me say that again, in case you weren't paying attention. NOT in front of the kids! But a non issue, such as Cassidy playing with a clothespin, well, just let it go! It won't hurt her to not play with it. The more important issue at hand here is that Mommy and Daddy are in harmony. Even though the mother did not think it was necessary to disturb her daughter, they all would have been better off if she'd just not said anything, especially at that time. If Daddy wants to pick and issue with the child, then let him deal with it! If Mommy really can't stand it, then she should wait until an appropriate time and discuss it with Daddy then. One thing I appreciate about my parents is that if one parent said "no," the other parent would back them up. We knew to go to Mom for money, or Dad for permission to go out! But once the final word was said, they were in harmony as parents. This really eliminates confusion and frustration for both the child and the parents. When there is harmony between the parents, the child is more secure in his world. Discipline is that much easier because the child knows that his parents are unified and in agreement. If one parent says yes and the other no, guess what the child is going to do? Whatever he wants! So parents, if you are not in harmony and agreement with each other, I strongly urge you to take some time ALONE together, and work out your issues, and be unified. It is not the will of God for your house to be filled with strife. In fact, in Galatians 5:20, strife is listed in the same sentence with witchcraft! This is serious business! Philippians 2:3 pretty much sums up the root of strife and divisions and how to get rid of it. "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than themsleves." Keep this verse in mind as you discuss your differences. Respect each other's views and listen to your spouse. There is a chance they may be right! Every Christian home ought to be full of peace, and harmony. When there's harmony, there is also love, and joy! Parents, it isup to you to bring harmony to your homes. Harmony within a home begins in the marriage. If you and yourspouse are constantly bickering, yelling, fighting, and full of strife, it will affect your children for the long term. So remember if you're going to disagree, make sure it is worth it. If it is something that really won't matter 5, 10 years from now, then it just might be in your family's best interest for you to keep your mouth shut! 1Corinthians 1:10 Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." And my final words to ponder.....United we stand. Divided we fall. *name changed |
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