Happiness

Happiness Is......Having a Baby! So Why Am I So Sad?

By Wendy Wiebe

Having a baby is a wonderful joyous occasion! Just look at any greeting card conveying congratulatory messages to new parents! But there are tremendous adjustments to having a new baby. Babies do not come with instruction manuals so parents have to guess and second-guess what their baby wants. Sleep becomes a much coveted commodity, and many new moms are totally overwhelmed and unprepared for the downside of having a baby. Babies require a tremendous amount of energy. Being on call 24 hours a day is a huge responsibility.

After the birth of my first child I was in a total state of bliss. I adored her, and she was my whole world. I felt that I could handle it all - child care, housework, cooking, laundry - on my own. Even her colicky epeisodes didn't get me down for long! When I became pregnant with my second child I started to get these little fears. Will I be able to love another child as much as the first? Will I be able to cope with the demands of two children with such different needs?

When the new baby came, of course I fell in love with her, but I was totally unprepared for the feelings of inadequacy that swept over me. I could not keep up with my own expectations of being SuperMom. If I spent time with Brianna I felt guilty that I was ignoring the baby. If I spent time with Bethany, then I felt guilty that I was ignoring Brianna! If the house was a mess I felt like a complete failure. Bethany, although an easy baby in most ways, was a poor sleeper, so I was also physically exhausted much of the time. Guilt, feelings of being a failure, exhaustion, isolation, and being tied down as well as hormonal changes soon brought me to a case of Post-partum Depression. I felt so sad much of the time when it should have bee such a happy time. I never thought it could happen to me. I wanted those babies. In fact, I would not admit I was depressed until I was pregnant with my third child. I came to the realization that if I don't enjoy these babies now, I will never get the chance to enjoy my babies, for they will be grown before too long!

I turned to library books about post-partum depression. They were helpful in making me realize I was not alone, and that I nedded to change my thought patterns. I needed to learn to ask for help instead of doing it all on my own. I stopped being so hard on myself about housework and such. And as I watched my daughters grow and develop a wonderful relationship with each other, I realized that any individual attention they may lack from me, they make up for in each other. I stopped expecting perfection from myself as a mother. I would ask myself, when faced with a choice between housework and spending time with my children, what will matter ten years from now? Although all these things helped to reduce my stress level, I could not seem to shake the feelings of sadness that always lingered in the background of my mind. I tried to 'snap out of it' and would do OK for awhile, but then the sadness would find its way back.

Finally I cried out to the Lord and realized that it had been a long time since I had really talked to Him. I mean REALLY talk to Him! Then I realized my Bible was suspiciously dusty as well. Perhaps my sadness was a gentle nudging from the Lord to remind me of how He feels when we neglect Him. I cried tears of repentance that I had been so wrapped up in being the perfect mother, that I had neglected source of strength and guidance that I so desperately needed to do the job. I began to read the promises of the Lord:

" ......for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Nehemiah 8:10

"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: In thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

"Blessed is the people that know the joyful sound: they shall walk, O LORD, in the light of thy countenance. In thy name shall they rejoice all the day: and in thy righteousness shall they be exalted." Psalm 89:15,16

"The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly." Psalm 118:15

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126:5,6

"For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name. " Psalm 33:21

"Therefore the redeemed of the LORD shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away." Isaiah 51:11

As I began to read about the joy that God has for His children, I began to cry for I knew that I was finding help at last. I had come to the source of Joy - Holy Ghost Joy! The Lord did for me what the slf help books could not do. While they are a valuable resource in some cases, they cannot replace the Word of God. They cannot renew your mind.

After the birth of my third child, I did pretty well for the first couple of months, but again, I battled the old black dog of depression. It began with my physical illness when Ben was three months old. Fatigue, dizziness, tingling feelings in my hands and arms, headaches, chest pains, and a variety of aches and pains quickly brought me to a point of utter despair. I thought I had some disease or was dying, (and sometimes wished I would and get it over with!) Anxiety and depression completely overwhelmed me. Again I turned to Jesus in utter depair. HE WAS THERE! Throught it all, He was there. Even when I felt like He'd deserted me, He never let me down. Depression is real and can be very debilitating, but there is a Friend who knows all about our struggles. Turn to Jesus in your dark hours. He'll be there. The darkest hour means that dawn is just in sight. Joy comes in the morning!

To read more about my battle with depression go here.

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