| FEBRUARY 1, 2008 Wow! It has almost been 8 years since my surgery. August 2008 will be my 8th anniversary. Both John and I have gained 20-25 pounds back. We know why. We are compulsive overeaters, and gastric bypass is NOT brain surgery. We still have the urge to stand in front of the refrigerator and look inside, just BECAUSE. We trigger one another to snack. If I hear paper rattle in the kitchen, I go in to see what he is eating. Snacking between meals has been our enemy. We have found that when we kneel in prayer together each morning and ask God to help us, He does. Sometimes we don't want help...we want to snack. We have recently tried NutriSystem and have re-educated ourselves on proper portions. We are not eating between meals and are feeling better from all the veggies and fruit and protein we are eating. Maintaining a healthy weight will be a life-long struggle...even with weight loss surgery...it is only a tool. A wonderful tool! We are still happy that we did this. The 23 pounds I have gained in 7.5 years is unwanted, but I know I will do something about it...heck, I could gain that in one month before surgery :0) LOOK AT THIS DATE! May 16, 2004!! I cannot believe that it has been THREE YEARS since I have updated this site. I am ashamed. I had so wanted to help folks, but what help is stopping in 2001? Both John and I have gained some weight back. Me...15 pounds since 2000. Him... 35 pounds since 2001. Why: Snacking at night. That is soooo against the principles of this surgery. Now I know why, when we new surgery patients would post "100 pounds gone forever!" The "oldbees" would say..."not necessarily so." Readers....Be careful about getting into the "I am normal now." thinkin'. I am a compulsive eater...this was NOT brain surgery....I still have those compulsion. I am thinking of re-joining Overeaters Anonymous. It was a great program. I will put some of my abdominal surgery pictures on, as soon as I get this link off of my class website. :0) Tuesday, October 30, 2001 I just helped John update his journal. It is hard to do websites after you have lost weight and feel like NOT sitting for hours. I guess that is a good thing. Life is just so great! I have done a lot of traveling the last 2 months, both in the car and on an airplane, and I cannot believe the comfort involved. On the plane......people don't look paniced as I approach to sit by them. I can really see the difference in their faces. I could tell that I wanted to snack more than usual during the World Trade Disaster week. It affected me so strongtly...and of course, food was part of the imagined "fix." The insanity does not stop with this surgery. I have subscribed to a 12 step study group on the internet. As far a weight loss...it is still at 93 pounds. I may stop at 179, but I feel so good and have a closet full of size 16 clothes. LOL I refuse to get compulsive about getting into a certain size....feeling healthy is my goal. I went to 1.5 hours of water aerobics today. I love it. I do 3 hours a week and get my protein in...need to work on more water tho. Well, I'll be back...hopefully, it will not take me 4 months. Monday, June 25, 2001 John has come out of his surgery with flying colors. We have 5 friends who are taking our example and having this life-saving surgery. Our hearts are full. We took pictures today and I downloaded them to our sights. John has lost 34 pounds in 2 weeks and did not think it made that much differenct. However, the pictures show the difference. He still feels sore on the inside, so he does not feel the loss yet. My weight loss is slow, but steady. I was at 186 (86 pound loss) for one and a half months. Then, all of a suden I went down 5 pounds. Then another 2. So, I know that plateaus happen and then they pass. I weigh 179 today....in 7 more pounds, I will have lost 100 pounds and be a BIG LOSER! :-) I just feel so good and energetic! I just cannot get used to it and looking in the mirrow and seeng my body so small. The word small is not usually in my vocabulary. :-) Thursday, June 7, 2001 Well, my hubby, Hoppy, is about to follow in my footsteps. You know....the one who said, "I'll never have THAT surgery!" Yes, that's the one. :-) However, he is blessed to be having it done LAP. His surgery will be at noon, this coming Monday June 11th, at Sutter Hospital in Roseville, CA. We must stay in town for one whole week, so I'm staying at Larkspur Landing Hotel and he will join me on Thursday. I have just gotten off of a 2 month plateau. Longest so far. I was at my 70% weight loss, so I thought that perhaps I was done losing. It has only been 10 months......I've gone from 272 to 186...that is a 86# loss, but I thought it might be over for me. I did not panic, as I feel so wonderful and wear a size 16, so I am comfortable where I am....BUT.... if God wants me to go down further I'M QUITE WILLING! :o) So, as of this morning, I'm down to 181......91 pounds down. This is such an adventure, to be sure. And now...it is John's turn. How strange it will be to watch him go through what I went through, minus the incision. Well, I'm dressed in a long, lacey, pink satin nightie/robe combo....so I'm going to go make an appearance, like Loretta Young, and twirl into the family room and take his remote control away for an evening of high romance.... Wish me luck! :o) Friday, April 20, 2001 Well...it has happened. My dear husband, who said, "I will NEVER have THAT surgery!" is going to have THAT surgery. However, we found him a woderful doctor who does it lap. So, his tummy will look prettier than mine, but we will both enjoy good health and energy. I expect that remote to gather cobwebs arfter his surgery LOL We drove to Lake Tahoe yeterday and John consulted with Dr. Billy. What a guy. He is not only really cute (OK...that did not impress John, but it did me LOL) but he is compassionae, his information was extremely detailed, he is a good listener and he is something most surgeons are not.........humble and personable. He is also very thorough and wants good results and success from his patients. John has to go to a nutritionist, phycologist, cardiologist, and internist before Dr. Billy will do the surgery. He is feeling every emotion possible : JOY/FEAR/ANTICIPATION/EXCITEMENT/FEAR/BUTTERFLIES/APREHENSION/HAPPINESS and did I mention fear? As for me........life is soooooooooooooooo great. We just had our 21st grandchild...Dallin, and he will never know the gramma who could not get up off the floor gracefull. I did a cartwheel for my co-workers today They cheered and applauded. It was a wonderful cartwheel! More later Sunday, March 25, 2001 I cannot BELIEVE the energy that I have! We are preparing our home to sale, and I worked 10, almost non-stop hours on the house last week both on Monday AND Tuesday, and about 4 hours after work Wednesday and Thursday ALMOST WITHOUT EFFORT. My energy level is FANTASTIC! I know that doing my swim aerobics, drinking water ever time I think of it, eating fewer carbs (they make me sleeepy) and taking my vitamin suppliments contribute to all this good health. My knees are so happy to have 80 less pounds to deal with. They did get sore, but only after many, many hours of being on my feet.....but I lifted, bent, got up and down from the floor and my back did not even hurt slightly. This is heaven on earth. If you are reading this, and you have been thinking about having this surgery.......run, don't walk (LOL) to learn more about it and talk to your doctor. Let's see....what are my latest milestones. *I am still enjoying the heck out of crossing my legs. It is so comfortable, and it is just plain fun to be able to do it. *I am down to few clothes, but hope to buy some in a few months when there is extra money... I just don't care tho. As I'm getting smaller, my closet is looking larger! :-) LOL *I ran the other day....from the building I work in, out to the car. I felt so...well, so...young! *I am getting compliments up the wazoo......I am learning to just say, "Thank You" and be gracious and not explain how much MORE I have to lose. Mom taught me to just say "thank you" years ago when receiving compliments. Thank you mom......you were always right.:-) *Shaving my legs and putting on panty hose is so easy now!! *I shopped in the regular section and bought a pair of size 18 jeans. I almost felt as if I did not belong in that section. It felt weird to be there.........like I'm just "visiting.," :-) *I think that, through my example, my husband may be deciding to get this surgery. It is up to him. He wants the energy and good health that I am enjoying. No one should get this surgery unless he/she has tried everything and is totally hopeless. They must do it for themselves and no one else. It is too drastic not to want it with all your heart and be willing to work with it. All I can say, in 3 little words, is that LIFE IS GREAT!!!! Sunday, March 4, 2001 HUMBLE, HUMBLE, HUMBLE...those are the only words that I can think of. I don't know why I am a compulsive overeater.......whether it is mental or physical, but I will be forever grateful to my Heavenly Father for inspiring me to look into this surgery. My faith in Him and my personal belief in His church has been the foundation of my success. This surgery is the best tool invented...OK..the wheel has been pretty handy, but gosh, I am in such awe of the way my eating has been modified. The surgery was not fun...but the results are heaven on earth. I can eat a Lean Cuisine and feel full...I feel like a "normal" person (whatever that is :-) I still find myself smiling when I cross my legs...even putting panty hose on...bringing my knee up to my chest to point my toe into them makes me think of pretty models on TV that do that. The other night, as I laid in bed on my stomach, I could feel my hip bones rub on the mattress...when I lay on my back I can REALLY feel them AND my rib cage. And ...Wow....I am so blessed to have my friend pass her clothing down to me, but she is only about 6 weeks ahead of me with her surgery and weight loss, so the clothes she passes down are still somewhat big on me. Perhaps if our income tax return is decent, I can buy a few clothes that fit. I bought a t-shirt (16/18!!!!) and I have it on for the new picture on my picture page. Having clothing that fits shows that I am getting a figure. Opps...I'm starting to sound un-HUMBLE...better not worry about appearance, but health. AND I DO FEEL HEALTHY! (I'd better go drink water and take my supplements. :-) I have a grandbaby due this month and one next month. I feel that I will be around a lot longer now for all 21 of them, as long as I don't get hit by a Mack truck! :-) That was one of my goals!(not to get hit by a Mack truck :-) Oh.....speaking of goals I AM UNDER 200 POUNDS NOW!!!!!! Did you hear me scream yesterday morning? 197! Wednesday, February 14, 2001 Happy Valentines Day! Gosh, do I LOVE life! I always did, but life is so much B-E-T-T-E-R, feeling healthy and energetic. I don't know if I can find the words to express my gratitude to my Heavenly Father for the miracle of this surgery. I just can't seem to get this smile off my face. I often wonder if I smile in my sleep. There are three friends looking into this surgery because of my example, and that makes my heart happy. I have also been corresponding with two new WLS friends. One from from Washington State and one nearby, from Reno NV. It is so gratifying encouraging and supporting others. My hair-loss seems to be slowing down, but my clothes-loss is escalating. My closet is almost empty!! I gave just about all of my clothes away to friends. The ones left in my closet are really too big, but I did not want to have "nothing" in there. I went to WalMart and splurged on two shirts and two pairs of pants. I keep hearing things like "You look small," and I know that at 202 pounds, I am far from small, but relatively speaking, I am smaller-er. I was walking by a store window the other day, and instead of avoiding looking at my reflection, I looked on purpose. The vision did not make me flinch, as in the past. That made me smile too. Sunday, January 7, 2001 Happy New Year.....I'm losing my hair! :-) I wrote a song about to today. Hey, I know that it will pass and I won't go bald, so I might as well be good-natured about it. (Sing to the song "The Autumn Leaves") Click here to hear "The Autumn Leaves" My falling hairs, lay on my pillow My falling hairs, of brown and gold. I see those wisps, on clothes, in brushes This won't last long, so I've been told. Since they went away, my head seems lighter, And soon I'll smile, cuz I'm a fighter. But I miss them most of all, my darlings When little hairs, start to fall. OK....that is it for now, because my hubby just came in, kissed me and announced that he is going to bed, and I'm the one who said, "Let's start going to beg together" so....I'd better do it! Goodnight! Wednesday, December 21, 2000 Something dawned on me the other day. Drinking lots of water helps flush those fat cells out of my body as waste. In fact, that is how all the unwanted fat cells leave my body... through waste products. So, when I attain my goal weight, one could say I was "all pooped out!" hee hee So far, I have "pooped out" a fourth grader....my goal is to "poop out" an eighth grader. Ohhhhhhhh I am so funny! Sunday, December 10, 2000 WAAAAAAAAAAA that drastic weight loss after my 3 week plateau had some water involved, because right away, I went back up to 219. So, that would be a 53 pound loss. Oh why do I even worry about a pound here and there? It is going to come off sooner or later. I do not like obsessing about each pound. Wish I had what it takes to NOT weigh but once a month. I find myself wanting to know in case someone asks. But this keeps me into the "numbers." Weight loss surgery old-timers suggest that we concentrate on our accomplishments instead of the numbers. Crossing my legs is amusing to me....it is almost entertaining. I am shocked each time I go to do it and CAN. Bending over is now effortless and putting on my panty hose this morning was so easy. I can bring my knee right up to my chest to put the toes into the hose. This coming week, my college water aerobic class holds its last classes until mid-January, so I must start walking...cold or not! My neighbor has promised that we will walk each night together. Brrrrrrrrrr Oh well, my mother used to say, "You have to suffer to be beautiful!" ....I will replace that word with "healthy." That is my greatest desire. As for now, (this minute anyway), I don't care what the scale says.......I just feel wonderful!! Thursday, November 30, 2000 Oh brother! I need to write this down so I can read it the next time I experience a plateau. I weighed 223.5 (48.5 pound weight loss) for THREE LONG weeks. I drank water, went to water aerobics 3 hours a week, at "protein first" and ate healthy snacks, but the numbers would not budge. Well, all of a sudden, last Sunday, I stepped on the scale and weighed 220.5! Then Monday, I weighed 218.5 and THEN Tuesday, I weighed 217! As of this morning, I have lost 55 pounds! Holy cow! I mean calf! :-) There is a silver lining after the dreaded plateaus! I must remember this for the next time! :-) Monday, November 20, 2000 I have lost 48.5 pounds since August 9th.....from 272 to 224. Now, I'm only 5'3" tall, so even though I feel a lot better and look somewhat better, I still have a LONG way to go to get healthy and have a nice figure. However, in this last week, I have experienced three comments from men that just did not make sense to me, and embarrassed me. OK...here are the scenarios: My husband and I were eating breakfast at a restaurant...and a former neighbor, an older man, said, "Hey John....where is your wife, and who is that young woman you're with?" Then, at the store yesterday, a co-worker of John's said, "Hey John, are you teaching your daughter how to shop?" Then TODAY, another co-worker of John's came into my office, and he complimented me on my weight loss. As he was walking out the door, he stopped and turned around and said, "Ol' John is going to have to watch out cuz the guys are going to start......" I cut him off with a big smile and said, "John does not have to worry about a thing....he's my sweetheart!" The guy smiled and left. Now, these comments are all so foreign to me and make me uncomfortable...... First of all, I do NOT look THAT much younger OR thinner OR sexier. I am still a 224 pound, 5'3", 54 year old woman. It is just too weird to hear these comments and they embarrass me. I really wanted to ask the guy today, what makes him think men didn't *want* me 48 pounds ago. LOL My common sense tells me that they are saying these things to encourage me, but they still embarrass me. So, now these comments are coming. I am uncomfortable with them because I don't feel that I am even *there* YET and don't deserve them, but wouldn't I be sad if the compliments did NOT come? Such a Catch-21 In the "old days" comments like that would convince me that I could stop dieting....ha ha...not now! The exercise, the water consumption, the protein-first attitude and the weigh loss continues, compliments or not, but, I wonder, does it ever get easier to accept compliments? Saturday, November 4, 2000 What a wonderful tool this surgery is.....what an absolutely fantastic tool to encourage modification of my eating habits. I never cease to be amazed at the slow, but steady progress that I am making towards better health. I'll continue to place pictures of my progress on this website, but the REAL progress is how I feel inside. Not mentally, as my mental attitude has always been good...but PHYSICALLY! I am now effortlessly crossing my legs; bending over to pick things up and tie my shoes; walking at a quick pace; sliding into any restaurant booth; getting up and down off the floor; leaning over the bathtub to give a grandbaby a bath.....ALL THIS AND I STILL HAVE 64 POUNDS TO GO BEFORE ATTAINING MY PERSONAL WEIGHT GOAL!! Weight Watchers would have me weighing 140 pounds, but I would like to make it to 160. I don't want that "gaunt" look. I just want to feel healthy, and I already do! As of this morning, I have shed 48 pounds. I had to do the math three times to believe it. Sunday, October 29, 2000 Every morning is a new adventure, it seems, in discovering a new body. It has been 10 weeks and I have lost 46 pounds. My body is reshaping. It feels so neat to lay on my back and feel my stomach sort of sink in just before I get out of bed each morning! No protrding hip bones or anything yet :-), but the day will come. I just got off of an "evil plateau". It lasted the first 3 weeks of October, at my 40 pound weight loss. If not for the two support groups that I read daily, I would have panicked, but over and over, oldtimers say, "It will pass......your body is catching up." So, I just tried to relax and sure enough....when the three weeks were up, I dropped 4 pounds next day. This whole process is just amazing. I'm going to have John take my picture again, on November 9th. I feel so great...already! I can't imagine how healthy and wonderful I'll feel at goal...around 160. Wednesday, September 27, 2000 Let's see....what words of wisdom do I have to share from this past week. I learn so much from the OSSG (Obesity Surgery Support Group) site at www.onelist.com ! I keep thinking that I will share "this and that" in this journal, but then I forget what I read. ;-) I have a couple of special email-pals that I am writting regularily. One has appointed herself my personal cheerleader. She is a funny lady! She wrote me a song that is sung to "London Bridges" the other day! I'll have to put it in this journal. I'm not at home right now, or I would do that. I am still really enjoying going to Swim Aerobics three times a week! As far a eating, I am not so "self absorbed" with working. I DO plan ahead for taking food to work. I have only dumped once and that was an accident.....I had made a protein powder drink, flavored with sugar-free chocolate mix, made with water and that was fine. There was only 9 grams of sugar in the flavoring and I can "do" 9 grams. Well, one morning I made this drink using milk, not realizing the the milk had 9 grams of sugar TOO! OH MY GOODNESS! Needless to say, I went back to bed for 4 hours. I NEVER want to experience THAT again. As far as food goes, I am eating PROTEIN FIRST, and then carbos last. I have found that carbos make me sleepy. I feel much better...the more protein I eat. Well, for now, that's it. Wednesday, Sept. 20, 2000 (week six) I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........today was my first day back to work and I actually stayed ALL DAY. Not only that, I went out to dinner with John, then to a pizza parlor to a farewell party for my co-worker AND it is now 9:30 PM and I am still awake. I am so happy to be getting my energy back. John and I went to a Mexican Restaurant. Since he is on the Atkin's Diet, he ordered Poyo Loco (sp?)...it is hot chicken with peanuts and grilled onions and a spicy sauce. He left his rice and beans and enjoyed the meat. I ordered a cheese enchilada (wish this program had spell check :-) I ate about 6 bites of it and gave John a bunch of cheese from it. I dabbed at the beans and did not touch the rice. I took the left-overs home and will see if it is good tomorrow. Left-overs are not really my "thing" but they may very well become it. :-) At the going away party, a couple of co-workers asked a lot of questions about the surgery. They happen to be two of my favorite people at work, so I was flattered that they wanted to know about it. The whole thing is really so intriguing.....even still to me. How I can be SO overweight and unhealthy and miserable one month ago and feel so GREAT and hopeful the next month. I got the idea from another Weight Loss Surgery website's writer and counted ahead to see what I could possibly weigh by Christmas. If I lose at 3 pounds a week (and have no plateaus) I could weigh about 187 by Christmas.........OH-MY-GOSH! That is so unbelievable. Almost "normal" Wow! Just.........Wow! :-) Saturday, Sept. 1, 2000 (week three) The last three weeks have been so interesting. The first week was just trying to get comfortable enough to sleep. I AM NOT A BACK SLEEPER, and viewed my bed in the guest room as a torture chamber. Even tho my dear John padded under the top of the mattress with pillows so that it would slope up for me, I hate sleeping on my back. Then came week two. I could sort of sleep on my side, but I am still waking up 2 times during the night......mostly to do the "big turn" to the other side. My hips would ache from staying on one side for hours. Sometimes I got up and had a cracker or two...sometimes just watched TV, hoping for the day I could sleep the whole night through. Well, week three has offered that. Today is half way through week three (day 24) and I am in my own bed, with my feather mattress......sleeping, sort of, next to my husband (king-sized bed with a feather "hump" in the middle! :-) BUT, I sleep comfortable on my sides, and I sleep all night. Sooooo...week three is the one to look forward to, if you are pre-op and wondering when it gets better. Now, that is only MY experience. I am getting my stamina back...able to do housework and not taking naps anymore. I went to Walmart today for 30 minutes even! Tomorrow is church (3 hours) and I think I'll do all three. Last week I made the mistake of wearing a skirt and the waistband really hurt me after only 1/2 hour. So, I left church after the first hour. Tomorrow, I'll wear a one piece, loose dress. The food is going down great. I just chew and chew and eat anything I want that is not high in fat or more than 9 grams of sugar. I only eat three very small meals and my two snacks are healthy.....low calorie. Examples of snack: non-fat yogurt or a cheese stick or a beef jerky or an applesauce cup. With John on the Atkins Diet, it is weird eating around here. We can't make real dinners. OK...well that is a pretty good update......... OH...in the last 24 days, I have lost 25 pounds. That rate won't keep up, but it is fun for a while :-) From 264 to 239. Whew.....that's a lot of "not eating!" :-) Thursday, August 24, 2000 Honey, I'm Home! I keep repeating that cuz it is so great to be home. Hospitals are so noisey, and they wake you up all the time....wake you from the wonderful sleep that lets you forget you're there. I intend on writing a more detailed explaination of the hospital stay, next Sunday. Right now, it was all I could do to get those pictures of the surgery downloaded. Even tho this computer chair IS the most comfy one in the house, I get shaky, doing too much still. I did go get my nails done today. Two weeks...I drove the car. Came right home and napped 2 hours! ;-) I do not like this weakness, but I expected it. I'm doing things to keep from getting depressed. Like inviting grandchildren out to tell me about their vacation and little things like that. We had our neighbors over last night.....watched a video. Just little things to look forward to, so I don't get bored. I can finally sleep on my sides...either sides. I hate back sleeping and am so happy about that. I'm eating poached eggs, yogurt, soups, some chicken, potatoes, string beans......pretty much anything........EXTREMELY WELL CHEWED THOUGH!! And I am learning what my pouch holds........NOT MUCH! :-) It is so weird. Gourmet food is beginning to look good to me....the presentation of it! I used to giggle and think I could eat 4 times what they presented, but now....that little bit would be so fun to eat! And tasty! :-) Well, off to bed. I sleep a lot, but that's OK!!! Monday, August 7, 2000 Well, here we go! The time has arrived for me to go to "the other side." Such an outpouring of support, prayers, and love from family, friends and just about everyone I know. That is one of the benefits of not keeping this surgery a secret...besides being able to help others. I am all ready to go. I am taking my camera and hope to record the whole journey..what I can, at least. My mom-in-law or husband will keep friends and family update on email. I can't think of another thing to do but get to Chico tomorrow. After the pre-op testing, we will go visit John's folks...then back to Chico for some snuggling at a local motel....then up early the next morn, and the fun part...the enema :-) I'm to be at Enloe Hospital at 5:30 am. I'm telling the anesthesiologist that I want Valium at the FRONT DOOR! :-) Tonight, all of the children and grandchildren came out for tacos and ice cream. We are Mormons, so my husband and sons gave me a priesthood blessing, blessing me with a successful surgery, a skilled surgeon and a quick recovery. Those were words from my Heavenly Father to me...such comfort. I wrote a silly poem to the folks on an internet support group on www.onelist.com (the Obesity Surgery Support Group [OSSG] ). It went like this: The time is here, oh my, oh me! To get myself to surgery. The bag is packed, the spoon is in. To back out now, would be a sin! I'm all prepared with words from you I know just what the doc will do. I've gotten all those last meals in I'm more than ready to win, win, win! Have not forgotten my pillow and fan My chapstick too, is right at hand You've prepared me well..I must confide... I'm READY for the "other side!" So, with that, I will say.....see ya! Tuesday, August 1, 2000 Just like "they" said (whomever "they" are :-) the time is flying by. August 9th is steaming ahead. I've been doing a lot more babysitting of grandchildren then usual.....MY usual Mondays and Tuesdays off have been used serving my children and grandchildren the last three weeks.......but I love it. It won't be long until I won't be able to babysit for a while, so I'm enjoying the children's company. Can't help but wonder what it will be like next year, at this time. Instead of sitting and playing Nintendo with some of them, I can be riding bikes with them.....instead of holding the babies on the edge of my knees, I can cuddle them closely...really closely!...instead of giving the infants a bath and having to get them out of the tub and put them on the floor on a towel, then help myself up with the toilet....I will be able to just stand up with them in my arms...instead of hearing them say, "Geegee, you're just a little bit chubby, huh?"...or, patting my tummy... "Are you going to have a baby Geegee?," they can think of me as just a normal (but outstanding :-) grandma. There are so many things to look forward to...especially being able to cross my legs and be comfortable in church. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Com'on August 9th.......NO, I'm scared! Hurry August 9th........No, take your time, I need time! Get here NOW, August 9th.....on second thought, um, I have to pack and stuff like that...no hurry! OH, THE INSANITY OF IT! :-) Monday, July 16, 2000 John and I took pictures of me in a bathing suit last night. I look like a butterball turkey...very round and compact. I have even been "gobble, gobbling" a LOT lately. Been eating my "last meal" for about 3 weeks now. Oh gosh, but my back is getting stiffer and stiffer with each pound. I was once proud that I was so flexible...could almost touch my elbows on the ground, but this tummy has stopped that flexibility. I am anxious to feel good again. Two close friends have gotten their surgeries and have returned home. I am blessed to have their experience to educate myself with. They went to the same doctor (Dr. Gary Cooper in Chico, Ca) , so I know what to expect from him post-op. They both had very good experiences at the hospital and both are eating EXACTLY as Dr. Cooper has written in the little "eating bible." :-). They are setting a good example for me. I INTEND to follow their good example. Oh..the word INTEND is scary. My best INTENTIONS and efforts have gotten me to where I am today. Ugh! Sunday, July 2, 2000 It's a little bit hard to find things to write yet, at least until my surgery. So, I am only writing once a week or two. There is one neat thing to write though....a dear friend of mine got this surgery last Monday, and she is home and doing great. She came home on Friday, and I went to visit her. I came upon a family scene that will never leave my mind...I hope! There she sat, with a timer in front of her (set for 30 minutes) and a little bowl with baby food veggies and a medicine cup full of yogurt, and a loving family...all watching her eat with a baby spoon. Of course, I joined in the festive occasion! I had to giggle. It was such a cute scene. She has a most precious, loving support group in her own home. Her mother and sister had traveled to give their support too. I came home and stuffed my face. I know, in my heart, that I should start practicing eating in moderation, but there is this little "dark side" of me that says: "Eat the whole world...you'll never be able to again." My mind tells me that I WILL be able to eat most of these things, in moderation, someday....but I still think "feast or famine"....it must be the same way of thinking that has brought me here. When there is something wonderful in the refrigerator, I can't seem to tell myself that it will be there another day that I can have that...so just hold off eating it. NOOOOOOOOOOO...I MUST have it NOW....there may NEVER be a day that that particular food will be available to me. This way of thinking has been part of me for years, and I still cannot understand it. I bought some M&M's the other day......I don't even like M&M's that much...but this silly thought keeps coming to me...."I may NEVER get to eat M&M's again in my WHOLE life! Oh goodness...the insanity! :-) I think I'll go buy a baby spoon and practice....just for today! One day at a time. Sunday, June 18, 2000 OK...the wedding is over...the wedding cake is ALMOST gone :-) and now I can concentrate on August 9th. Tomorrow, my neighbor has invited me to swim in her pool. The next day, I go to my first (this semester, anyway) aerobic swim class. It is 6:30 PM to 8 PM...so late, but I have found that if I WANT to do something....I MAKE A WAY to do it. I am so exhausted from the wedding and all the sugar. I'm so curious how I will ever manage to live without large quanities of sugar. Actually...I can hardly wait! Wednesday, June 14, 2000 Busy weekend coming! One of my twins, Shelly, is getting married. TO SEE SHELLY, SEE FAMILY PAGE I will get through it OK, I tell myself, as I have it planned down to each detail. THEN MONDAY, I am going to start swimming regularly....I have a most WONDERFUL neighbor who has offered her company and her pool and I am signed up for 3 hours of aerobic swim each week, through the college. I have been eating like there is no tomorrow and must get this extra weight that I added to my extra weight :-) OFF before the surgery . Now, intellectually, I know that I will be able to eat just about everything I enjoy down the line..just not as much, but emotionally, I feel as if I must eat all the "no no's" BEFORE this surgery....just in case I NEVER eat "that " again. I don't know what I would do without the two internet support groups I read each day...so much info about technical things, but mostly about feelings. I am not alone. Thursday, June 8, 2000 I have been receiving the dearest messages from folks who have come to this site. They make me smile. A few writers called it "inspiring" and "fun" and even "attractive." Oh course, we all love to get compliments, as they pick us up. I may have to be peeled off the ceiling pretty soon! :-) It is hard to know what to say in these days before my surgery. I could post some wonderful thoughts that I have been reading on the support group sites. One lady was discussing her Open RNY scar. She said that her scar was very precious to both she and her husband. It was as special to them as her c-section scar, which brought forth their children. Both scars represent a new life. I loved that comparison. I have read a lot of great thoughts on those support group web sites, but some just don't leave my mind...and with my mind...that is quite an accomplishment! :-) Friday, June 2, 2000 Yes, Yes, Yes! Yesterday when I came home from work, there was a message on my machine from Diane, Dr. Cooper's right arm woman! She said my insurance gave me authorization to have the surgery...wow. In a trance, I called her back to make an appointment (it is August 9th), and got a little weepy during the conversation. It was hitting me. I asked her if it was normal to get a little weepy, and she said, "Let me put it this way, it is not abnormal!" So...I hung up and once I was composed, I made a WAV file out of the Diane's voice recording on my message machine, and I sent it to the three members of my family who are on cable and get fast downloads. I HAVE BEEN AUTHORIZED.........WOWOWOWOWOWOWWOW! It took only one and a half weeks! Gosh...am I THAT bad off? :-) I heard a man say, just today, that there is a difference between being nervous and being excited. You are nervous when you are unprepared. So, I can really say......."I am excited!" Do butterflies come with "excited?" :-) I'm going camping with a bunch of ladies from our church. Mountains pines, spiritually uplifting workshops, campfires, skits, wonderful speakers, singing...and best of all........the men cook for us! I HAVE BEEN AUTHOIZED. WOWOWWOWOWOW! Sunday, May 28, 2000 My goodness but I am happy. So many people have been here and took the time to say hello on my email! I never would have imagined that response. There are so many of us "out there." It seems when one reads the story of another with this weight problem, it seems like their own writtings. We really relate. From all that I have read the last few months, I have noticed a few common things that go on with this weight loss surgery....If I'm like most everyone else: I will be really scared the day of surgery, but not scared enough to give up the miracle of this surgery which blesses us with a tool for modifying our eating behavior. Then most posted that they woke up with tubes going down them, up them and through them...the common comments were that the first day is a haze and the second got better and the third, the nose tube was usually removed and it just got better and better from there. Then at home, about the fourth day, they realized what this meant....losing their "old friend" food, and seem to begin a grieving process. "What the heck have I done to myself" is the common exclaimation. There is a mental struggle, as they try to get in all the protein that is required so they hopefully won't lose their hair (which also seems inevitable..even with zinc and all that stuff!) The oldtimers reassure them that "it will grow back." Then, it seems that most, around 4 months, begin to make more positive posts....the weight is coming off...they have established an eating plan that works for them and now they think this surgery is "the best thing I ever did for myself." They seem to be coming to the part of grief called Acceptance. Sooooooo...I know, sort of, what to expect. I also believe that it is common to GAIN 3 POUNDS IN ONE WEEK from pigging out like there is no tomorrow! (I won't tell you how I know that! :-) Last comment for today...I told my siblings and dad and a special cousin about my plans to have this surgery and explained it through this web page. I told my children in person....All of their responses to me were overwhelmingly positive. Bless them. I needed that. I love you family! May 20, 2000 I just finished this web site. Yawn! It was really fun, but I can't help but think of how many calories I did NOT burn today.....17 hours of computer work. Let's see. In case you do not know me, my name is Joyce and I live in beautiful Northern California in a town called Susanville. I am a wife and mother of 6 and grandmother of 19. I have not had my consulting visit yet...it is in a few days, so I don't have a lot to share yet. My BMI is 47 and I am sure that I qualify for this surgery, but the only thing that may slow it down is our insurance. However, through the wonderful postings on the Obesity Surgery Support Group (you would search for OSSG Groups) and Carney Wilson's Support Group I have lots of ideas for appeal letters. I WILL get this surgery! I WILL! (If you are researching Weight Loss Surgery for yourself, those two links have lots of writing by people who feel just like you...try them for support.) |
| Pictures, through the years, and my Journal... |
| This is my journal....the most recent postings will be on the top. |
 |
| 1947 ~ 1 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
| Kindergarten. |
| 1962 ~ 16 Sophomore |
| 1976 ~ 30 |
| 1984 ~ 38 20th High School Reunion |
| 1996 ~ 50 Nine years at the Forest Service |
| Oct. 2000 ~ 54th Birthday with daughters Jennifer and Judy |
 |
| August 13, 2000, just home from my surgery |
 |
| 1997 ~ 51 |
| If you would like to hear a pretty song while you read, just click on the one you want to hear: Elshadie You Needed Me Braveheart Theme From Forrest Gump |