WARNING: Below are some descriptions of scripted violence and blood loss.

Originally Written: Friday, May 30, 2002

"WWF WrestleMania X7" Video Review

• INTRO/RANDOM THOUGHTS: Yup. That's right. It's time to review one of the most celebrated events in history: WWF WrestleMania X7. I taped it live off TV, and it's one of the most prized tapes that I have. The event occurred exactly one week after WWFE purchased WCW from AOL/Time Warner. David Meltzer called the show the greatest Pay-Per-View ever, which, while a bit exaggerated, is right on the money. 2001's WrestleMania was spectacular, but going in, it had a considerable amount to live up to. February 25, 20001's No Way Out, the WWF's last Pay-Per-View before WrestleMania, was very good. It had three standout bouts: a four-way IC Title Match, Stone Cold/Triple H in a 2/3 Falls Match (voted the 2001 Match of the Year by WWF internet fans on WWF.com), and Kurt Angle/The Rock for Angle's WWF Title (which Rock won, allowing him to go into WrestleMania and defend against Austin). While it was obvious by the card and the legacy of the past shows that WrestleMania X7 would be excellent, the pressure was still there to deliver a great show. Did they disappoint? Let's find out.

So, without further ado, It gives be great pleasure to be able to review WWF WrestleMania X7...

"WWF WrestleMania X7," Copyright 2001 WWF Home Video

EVENT: WWF WrestleMania X7
DATE: April 1, 2001
LOCATION: Houston, Texas
VENUE: Houston/Reliant Astrodome
ATTENDANCE: 67,925
COMMENTARY: Jim Ross & Paul Heyman
RING ANNOUCNING: Howard Finkel

Aired LIVE (6-second delay) on Pay-Per-View

Dark Match (Non-Televised) Results:

• X-Pac & Justin Credible d. Steve Blackman & Grandmaster Sexay via pinfall (2:40) when X-Pac and Credible hit Blackman with a double superkick and pinned him.

Pay-Per-View Review:

- FBI Copyright Warning.

- WWF Attitude opening montage.

- Opening Video: It depicts tons of people of all ages all gathering around a television to watch "The Grand Daddy of 'Em All." Highlights of past WM's are shown on the TV's, including Liberace/Rockettes dancing, Mr. T/Piper, Andre/Hogan, Hogan/Warrior, Yokozuna winning the title in '93 (which he'd lose a few minutes to Hogan, who was on his last legs in the WWF [although he'd return more than five years later and win the title again]), HBK's '96 entrance from the rafters, HBK's '96 title win over Bret Hart in the legendary Ironman Match, Tyson knocks out HBK, and several singles of (in no particular order) Undertaker, Austin, Rock, Jericho, Jeff Hardy, etc. Here's what the narrator (some male elder) says: "It is an enthralling legacy...Moments that resound through the ages...An event that captivates the heart of an entire world...This is a night that carries us back through the enchanting world of our youth...A spectacle that rejuvenates our spirit...Welcome to WrestleMania, 'The Showcase of the Immortals...Welcome to WrestleMania, a celebration of life... [fade out]"

- Some pics of various superstars are shown to the beat of Limp Bizkit's "My Way," the theme song for this event. Some voice introduces the show: "And now, 'Snickers Cruncher' presents 'The Grand Daddy of Them All," WrestleMania..."

- Cut to total of 13 (unlucky number, huh? These guys are some of the luckiest S.O.B.'s there are! They're at WrestleMania! Well, actually only about 30,000 [about 1/2 of the crowd] are lucky...the other half probably can't even see, so I don't know if I'd consider them lucky) live arena shots and a shitload of pyros of all different colors and 60,000+ screaming followers of professional wrestling's monoply promotion...the World Wrestling Federation. Limp Bizkit is still playing. "Good 'Ol" Jim Ross introduces the show: "With over 60,000 fans and a worldwide television audience, we welcome you to Houston, Texas. We welcome you to the Reliant Astrodome. We welcome you to the greatest sports-entertainment spectacular of all-time. We welcome you to WrestleMania Seventeen!"

A spanning shot of a sold out WWF New York (WWFE's Times Square entertainment / merchandise / restaurant complex) are shown, and fans lucky enough to be there are screaming like apeshit. J.R. again speaks: "Our fans at WWF New York, along with you - we welcome you to this [cut back to a shot of the commentary booth, where J.R. sits alongside Paul Heyman; J.R. continues speaking...] magnificent event. Hi again, everybody. I'm Jim Ross, sitting alongside Paul Heyman, and I just don't have the words to describe the - the atmosphere here tonight."

Heyman takes over: "Ahhh, this is it, and for me, this is a very special night - not as a fan - not as Paul E. Dangerouusly - not as the owner of ECW. Have I ever had the privelege of coming to a WrestleMania. This is my first [Y2J's music hits, and the five-second countdown begins] WrestleMania ever, and I can't wait for 'The Showcase of the Immortals'."

- The countdown reaches "00," [the arena lights change to a blueish tint for a few seconds, before...] the "Break The Walls Down" music begins (we see some of the Titan Tron video), and the fans to go nuts for their favorite wise@$$..."Y2J" Chris Jericho! We cut from the music video back to a live shot, and Jericho poses, with his back to the camera, in a spread-leg crucifix for only a few seconds before turning around and allowing us to get a glimpse at his Intercontinental Title, which is tied around his waist. Jericho, wearing his usual expensive grayish vest, stands at the top of the entranceway, looks for a reaction, and gets quite a lot of cheers before beginning the exceptionally long walk down the ramp to the ring. When he's about midway through, Howard Finkel begins introducing him. Supposedly weighing 227 lb., "the Intercontinental Champion, Chris Jericho" heads toward the apron as J.R. hypes tonight's card: "We have 11 matches signed for WrestleMania tonight - six titles will be decided. This will be the first - for the Intercontinental Championship."

Jericho climbs onto the apron and does his signature taunt, looking out toward the fans, before climbing over the ropes and into the ring. He climbs up onto the middle of the second ring rope and shouts out to the crowd for awhile before getting off and taking off his vest, just as William Regal's wierd music hits. Heyman says that Jericho needs to take Regal seriously, as he's a serious threat to Y2J's title belt. Regal comes out in marroon-colored tights, and as he's walking down, Finkel introduces him at 240 lb. and "the commissioner of the World Wrestling Federation." Regal, getting considerable heat from the fans, begins his long walk down the ramp, while...

- We cut to a short video recap of the Regal/Y2J feud. On his first night (a RAW episode) as WWF Commissioner, a black-eyed (not sure how that came about) Regal came out and began an in-ring promo, only to be interrupted and told to "...please shut the hell up!" by IC champ Chris Jericho. Regal yelled at him, informing the loudmouth that he was the commissioner and wouldn't have "a little 'toe rag'" like Jericho "besmirch" him (sp?). Abusing his considerable power, Regal began booking Jericho in a couple of handicap matches against the RTC and Dudleyz (on two different nights), both of which saw Jericho get an ass-kicking. Regal all the while comfortably lounged in his office and enjoyed watching Jericho getting his ass kicked each night. Jericho got a measure of revenge when he snuck into Regal's office (when the Englishman wasn't there) and (get this...) urinate in Regal's teacup!

Later that same RAW, Regal sipped the tea before realizing that it was soiled with Jericho's pee. An understandably enraged Regal used his power to book himself against Jericho at WrestleMania (w/ the IC Title on the line). The two had several more confrontations, including one where Jericho, dressed as Doink the Clown (who'd be participating in the Gimmick Battle Royal at 'Mania), even ran out of the crowd one night during a match and attacked Regal, locking him in the Walls of Jericho (high-angle boston crab) before unmasking and revealing that it was him and not the comedic Doink. Another event saw Jericho smash a framed photo (that had been hanging in Regal's office up until that point) of the English Queen over Raven's head during a hardcore match, enraging Regal. Regal would also focus on injuring Jericho's left shoulder with various weapons (including a fire extinguisher) and the Regal Stretch submission. He'd continue focusing on that same limb during their WM match.

- Cut back to a live ring shot. IC Title graphic is shown. Regal is now in the ring, and Jericho is opposite him. J.R. mentions that while Regal has held the European Title, the Intercontinental Title, the second most prestigious title in the WWF, has "alluded" him, and this is his chance to capture that title. The referee checks Regal for foreign objects.

1. WWF Intercontinental Title Match: CHRIS JERICHO (C) vs. WILLIAM REGAL (Referee: Tim White)

The bell rings, and WrestleMania X7 has officially began. Squareoff. Jericho goes to tieup, but Regal gutkicks him,. Two punches. Corner whip. Jericho bounces off and clotheslines Regal down. Chop. Regal reverses a whip, but Jericho bounces off the ropes and hits his signature diving forearm shot, sending Regal down. With Regal on the mat, Jericho punches him seven times before lifting him back up. Punch. Whip. Regal ducks a clothesline, but bounces off and runs right into Jericho's spinning heelkick. Regal rolls out. Jericho flies out with a pescado (catapult crossbody suicida), but slightly overshoots Regal and lands on the concrete. Jericho looks to be fine, though, as he immediately rises, picks Regal up (who stumbled down), and chops him. Jericho scoops Regal up and drops him head-first onto the guardrail. Regal is still up, though, leaning on the rail, so Jericho rolls him back into the ring and climbs up to the top turnbuckle and once Regal rises, he's floored with Jericho's diving back elbow. Cover. 2. Jericho corner whips Regal, who leaps onto the second-rope and then weakly steps (yes, "steps") off it and attempts to roll him up with an inside cradle. Jericho takes a millisecond, though, to twist counter-clockwise and sit down on Regal's upper chest area, looking to hammer him a few times. Regal uses his veteran knowledge, though, rolling Jericho into a sitdown pin (the finish of a sitdown powerbomb). He gets only 1, though, as Jericho continues rolling backward, eventually escaping free. Jericho quickly grabs each leg and tries to turn Regal over into the Walls of Jericho (high-angle boston crab), but Regal forearms him twice and uses his right leg to kick his opponent off.

Jericho tumbles back into the corner, and when Regal walks in, forearms (or possibly back elbows, as it's hard to see) the Englishman a few feet back. Jericho walks into a gutkick, though, which Regal follows by twice throwing him left shoulder-first in between the top and middle ropes. Jericho is dumped on the back of his neck with Regal's creative wristlock throw. Stomp. Regal's powerful armringer sends Jericho somersaulting onto the mat. He sells his injury. Cover. Jericho. 2. Regal transitions a twisting armringer into a standing wristlock hold, clamping down on it. Jericho hits two forearms, reverses the hold into an armringer, and pushes Regal into the ropes. Regal hits a hard gutkick and then runs off the ropes again, but is back elbowed down. Jericho attempts his Lionsault, but gets the air knocked out of him, as Regal raises both knees into Jericho's lower chest area, and follows with a rollup. Jericho kicks out at 2. Regal dumps Jericho up and over with an extremely creative hiplock (instead of waistlock) release suplex/throw. Regal covers, but Jericho kicks out with both legs at 2. "Y2J!" chant. Regal goes over to the corner and removes the padding from the buckle. He twice throws Jericho left-shoulder first into it, and Jericho continues selling the injury by clutching at his arm. Regal hits two roundhouse kicks to Jericho's right and left shoulders. Jericho blocks a third and tries a gutkick, but Regal catches the leg (the left one), so Jericho uses an enziguiri. Regal stays up, but falls to the mat after Jericho's dropkick. Jericho's left forearm shot sends Regal down again (Jericho clutches at his arm), and so does his second rope missle dropkick. Jericho covers. 2.

Jericho whips Regal into the corner and charges, but Regal ducks away, causing Jericho to land in a crotched position on the ropes thanks to his missed leaping vertical bodysplash. Regal comes over and punches him three times before climbing up onto the top buckle and lifting Jericho onto it, too. Regal hurls Jericho of the top-rope and onto the mat below with a nice Butterfly (double underhook) Suplex. Regal flies off onto the mat, too, and both are now down. Regal eventually covers Jericho, who kicks out at 2. A replay of Regal's butterfly suplex off the top is shown. Meanwhile, Jericho flips out of Regal's backdrop suplex and uses a double-leg takedown. He tries to lock on the Walls of Jericho, but he sells the arm injury, acting as if he's too weak to turn Regal over. Regal gets his right foot loose and uses it to trip Jericho forward down onto his chest (a reverse drop toehold). Regal applies the Regal Stretch (modified STF [Stepover Toe Facelock]) on Jerico's bad left arm. Jericho is eventually able to grab the bottom rope with his left arm, the same limb Regal is applying the hold on. Regal breaks the hold and lifts Jericho up. Left kneelift. Right kneelift. Jericho hits an elbow smash to Regal's gut, five chops, and a punch. Jericho runs off the ropes, but Regal kicks him around the neck). Jericho eventually tumbles down to the mat. Regal goes over to Jericho and attempts a corner whip, but Jericho counters with an armringer and rams Regal's head into the exposed steel buckle! Jericho's running bulldog face smash, suplex, and finally, Lionsault, follow. He clutches at his left shoulder, again selling the injury, but quickly covers Regal, including grapevining the leg. 1...2...3 (7:40)! Very abrupt finish.

WINNER and STILL WWF Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho

- Jericho's music hits, and Fink announces him as the winner and still IC Champ. Tim White gives the champ his title belt. Crowd shot. An exhausted Jericho rolls out of the ring, title in hand, and White follows him out. Replay of Jericho's finishing Lionsault. Heyman praises both the action and Jericho. Back to a live shot. White raises Jericho's hand (which is holding the title up) and helps him stay on his feet. A still noticably fatigued Jericho starts walking himself, and stops to raise the title up once once he gets to the bottom of the ramp. Fade out.

POST-MATCH THOUGHTS: Good opener, but it should've been a squeak better. I remember thinking after I watched it live that the ending was too abrupt. While you don't want an ending that's too predictable, you don't want one that's too unpredictable, and this was exactly that. Jericho hit a bulldog, then a suplex, and finally a Lionsault, and the main problem was that he really stalled in between each one, which isn't something one wants to do, especially at such a big show. Besides the ending, finish, though, the match was well done. There was very good psychology, and a lot of it came thanks to Regal's abuse on Jericho's left arm and Jericho's continuous selling of the injury. There were some creative manuevers, bumps, and spots, most notably the hiplock suplex, wristlock throw, and top-rope butterfly suplex, all of which worked well in terms of increasing the abuse (in storyline) on Jericho's left arm. The styles clashed a bit, as Regal's pace was a bit slower than Jericho's, which made the match slightly boring at times due to the slow pace. This match was very old school, with the heel (Regal) trying to abuse the face (Jericho), using various tactics, including focusing on a specific body part (the left arm). Both were a bit sloppy, but although the pace was a bit slow, there was great, consistent, psychology, and the manuevers were creative and well performed. The finish should've been changed a bit, and if it wasn't so abrupt, the match would've been considerably better. In an interesting note, J.R. seemed a bit surprised that the finish was so abrupt, too, so I wasn't the only one. One more thing: Another small problem I have with this bout was that it didn't really do much for the storyline. These two had been feuding on and off for the last half-year, but this match did little to blowoff the fued, something that a show like WrestleMania is always supposed to do. A big reason for the lack of a blowoff was the abrupt finish and lack of emotion, both of which play a big part in the effectiveness of a match relating to the rivalry between the two respective performers. Nonetheless, this match was very old school, and the abundant psychology really worked well.
RATING: **1/8

- Backstage, a limousine is shown parking in the garage area. The camera is right in front of the personalized license plate, which reads, "WCW1." The driver can be seen through the front window, but doesn't get out. Shane McMahon, black gym bag in hand, gets out (a guy as rich as that doesn't have the driver open the door for him). He gets a mixed reaction, a shade more cheers than jeers. Fade out.

- In another area backstage, The A.P.A. (Bradshaw, Faarooq, and Jacqueline) are in their self-made area. Bradshaw and Faarooq are smoking cigars. Bradshaw: "Where the hell is Tazz?" By the way, Bradshaw and Faarooq are scheduled to team with the former-ECW Champion against the Right To Censor sometime tonight (and as it turns out, next). Faarooq says he's (Tazz's) Hey, look man, look..." Faarooq says, "Tazz is out there doin' his stuff" and "Hey, we got this!" Bradshaw, though, isn't happy, for this is WrestleMania. Faarooq tells him to "calm down," and also says, "...Hey, I'll tell you what - drink a beer. Hey, look at Jackie." Jackie actually looks to be smoking a cigar, too. She says something inaudible, and Bradshaw responds by rambling on about how this is the Astrodome. This is where he came with his daddy as a kid to watch Bob Phillips...[I'm not gonna' bother trying to decipher what's said for the next few seconds]"

He rambles off a helluva' lot more stuff, including some stuff about some football team and what I believe was "Ernald" Campbell, along with "...this' the same place a big corn-fred boy from Alvin, Texas - 45 miles from here - named Nolan Ryan used to throw hundred mile an hour fastballs! The same place Tough 'Heellee' used to hang over bulls like he was velcroe! The same place that bad ass animal, Bodacious, used to destroy cowboy's egos. You don't understand! It's WrestleMania! Hearts gonna' be broke, legends are gonna' be made, egos will be shattered, and asses are gonna' be kicked. We got a match! Come on! [slams both hands on the table]" Faarooq: "Hell, you gonna' say it like that man? Let's go!" Jackie shouts out, "Come on!" sometime during that clusterfuck of rambling stuff. All three bad@$$es get up and storm off to the ring. Fade out.

- The familiar RTC theme hits and out comes Right To Censor: [Finkel:] "...accompanied by Steven Richards - the team of Val Venis, Bull Buchanan, and The Goodfather - the Right To Censor!" All four members are dressed in white shirts, black pants, and have a black tie hanging from their neck. J.R.: "(says that they're)...an 'extremist group,' from where I sit. They believe people should live their lives in one way - that's the 'RTC Way.'" Heyman: "Personally, I'd appreciate if you use the word, 'extreme,' in a much better context. [RTC all climb up onto the apron and through the ropes.] I don't find them to be extremists. I find them to be hypocrites. They're censors, and even I have never liked a censor that I ever met."

Steven Richards grabs a mic: "The Right To Censor is totally dis..." They're interrupted by Tazz's kick-ass music [J.R.: "Thank God..."]. The camera cuts to the aisleway, which is filled with smoke. A pyro shoots off, and out comes Tazz, dressed in his usual black upper attire, black pants, black boots, and orange shades (glasses). Talk about a waste of talent...Tazz walks down the long aisleway with a purpose (probably to get jobbed out...We'll just have to see...) Fink introduces him as hailing from "the Red Hook section of Brooklyn, New York" and weighing in at 248 lb. Tazz stops about 3/4 of the way down the ramp [J.R.: "...and he's got some serious back-up in two native Texans..."] and waits for his two partners.

The A.P.A. music hits, and out comes (as J.R. so nicely pointed out) the two native Texans, Faarooq and Bradshaw, accompanied by another Texan (who actually once won "Miss Texas"), Jacqueline. Fink introduces them at "a combined weight of 556 pounds, Faarooq, Bradshaw - The Acolytes." Get it right, Finkk! They've been going by the "A.P.A." name for the past year. Jeez! The Texan trio walks down the long ramp, and Taz continues the walk, soon reaching the end of the ramp.

Heyman: "Well, why would anyone be proud of coming from the state of Texas?" J.R.: "Well, what do ya' mean by that?" Heyman: "Well, if there was a back door at the Alamo, Texas would be in Mexico!" Couldn't have said it better myself, Paul. [J.R. responds, "Well, that's your take on it," just as...). In the ring, SRTC are shown waiting for their foes. Val Venis slides out and charges Tazz, who blocks a punch and hits two of his own. He throws Val into the ring and climbs in himself, just as Goodfather and Bull slide out and go out of camera range, presumably attacking The A.P.A. Val climbs to his feet as Tazz is still on his hands and knees (climbing in), so he forearms his back. Tazz gets to his feet and is nailed with three punches. Val tries to clothesline him out the opposite side, but Tazz ducks and hits his own, sending Val tumbling over the top-rope to the outside.

Tazz turns around and sees Steven Richards running towards him, so he hammers the RTC leader, who turns around and stumbles right into a gutkick, followed by a DDT, by Jacqueline. "Old White Socks," as J.R. calls him, immediately rolled out of the ring, which distracted Tazz (who twice helped stomp him out of the ring), allowing Val to climb into the ring and forearm him from behind, sending the Red Hook native tumbling out of the ring. Meanwhile, Godfather forearms Bradshaw's back on the outside. Val climbs out of the ring and follows Tazz. Bull Buchanan throws Faarooq into the ring, and follows in himself.

2. Six-Man Tag Team Match: The Right To Censor (VAL VENIS, BULL BUCHANAN, & The GOODFATHER) (w/ Steven Richards) vs. TAZZ & The Acolytes (FAAROOQ & BRADSHAW) (w/ Jacqueline) (Referee: Mike Chioda)

The referee signals for the bell, which finally rings, so we're officially underway. Once Faarooq is standing, Bull leaps onto the top-rope and flies off, downing the former-WCW World Heavyweight Champion with his double-jump top-rope flying clothesline. Faarooq reverses an irish whip and hits a nice swinging powerslam on Bull. Cover. 2. The other competitors are now up on the apron, so the action is now strictly occurring in the ring. Faarooq drags Bull toward his (Bradshaw) corner, looking to tag in Bradshaw, but Tazz tags himself in and enters, while Faarooq, partially confused, climbs out. Tazz throws two punches, and then hurls Bull with a T-Bone Tazplex. Bull reverses the whip and downs Tazz with a big boot. Stomp. Bull picks up Tazz and hurls him into the RTC's corner. He tags in Val, but gets in three punches before climbing out.

Goodfather holds Tazz in the corner with his right hand all the while, and continues holding him as Val uses a gutkick and four punches. Val twice uses his non-release irish whip/running full ring length knee smash, and then a side russian leg sweep. Cover. 2. Heyman mentions that Tazz is a former two-time ECW Champion and multiple-time (WWF) hardcore champion. Val tags in Goodfather, and they double-whip Tazz so hard that he tumbles of his feet, legitimately bounces off the bottom rope and stumbles into a sloppy double enzui (back) lariat. What a powerful whip! Val climbs out, and Goodfather stomps Tazz before picking him up and scoop slamming him down to the mat, which sets up for Goodfather to bounce off the ropes and hit a jumping leg drop. Whip. Goodfather downs Tazz with a back elbow, and then a nice backdrop suplex. 2.

Goodfather corner whips Tazz, fuels up, charges, and hits the Ho Train (running corner splash). Tazz stumbles out of the corner and crashes backwards to the mat. With Tazz down near the corner, Goodfather attempts a middle rope tipup splash, but he crashes down onto the mat as Tazz crawled away. Tazz climbs to his feet, walks over to the corner (killing what could've been a nice moment to add some drama) and tags in Bradshaw, who doesn't hesitate to climb through the ropes and big boot Goodfather down, and then follows that with a whip and a back elbow. Another whip. Bradshaw drops Goodfather with a very sloppy back body drop (he didn't get him over too easily), just as J.R. says, "Bradshaw reminds me of a combination of old Dick Murdoch and little Stan Hansen all rolled up into one. A couple of other Texans." Bull Buchanan climbs in, but Bradshaw big boots him down.

Val Venis also climbs in, and receives a forearm to the back. Bradshaw whips him. Val ducks a lariat, bounces off the opposite ropes, and attempts a crossbody, but Bradshaw catches him. Val tries to fight out, but is eventually hurled with Bradshaw's signature fallaway slam. Bull attacks Bradshaw with a gutkick and forearm smash, but Faarooq attacks him with three forearms. The A.P.A. go over to the opposite side of the ring where Val is. Bull's stumbled into the corner, so the path is clear, allowing the AP.A. to double whip Val into the ropes and slam him with a stiff double spinebuster. Bull attacks Faarooq from behind and forearms him down. He throws a punch to the back of Faarooq's head, a stomp, and two punches, just as we cut to Bradshaw, who atomic drops Val onto the top-rope. Bradshaw climbs onto the middle rope. Meanwhile, Bull uses two stomps and a punch on Faarooq.

Cut back to Bradshaw, who backdrop suplexes Val off of the top-rope and onto the mat below! As Bradshaw starts crawling over to Val for a cover, Bradshaw goes over to him and forearms his back, just as Goodfather also comes over and assists Bull in spike powerbombing Bradshaw! Bull turns into Faarooq's punch, which sends him tumbling out of the ring. Faarooq follows him. Meanwhile, Bradshaw is in the corner, so Goodfather feuls up, charges, and meets...steel, as Bradshaw had stepped out of the way. The former pimp (in storyline) and real-life tattoo artist bounces off the steel post. Bradshaw runs off the ropes, and Goodfather turns straight into...hell. That is, a powerful Clothesline from Hell (stiff lariat) from Bradshaw, who immediately covers. 1-2-3 (3:56)! The bell rings, and Bradshaw gets up.

WINNERS: Tazz & The Acolytes

- The A.P.A. music hits, and Faarooq climbs into the ring, where he and his partner smash fists together, just as Fink announces the winners: "Here are your winners - The Acolytes and Tazz!" Bradshaw climbs onto the middle rope and salutes his homestate fans. Tazz climbs into the ring and catches his breath, while Steven Richards, on the outside, twice smashes the guardrail with both hands in anger. Jacqueline is now in the ring, too, and she assists the winners in taunting the heel RTC. J.R.: "A big night for Texas. Could that be a sign of things to come (referring to Stone Cold and his WWF Title Match against The Rock later in the night)?" Bull and Goodfather are shown helping eachother up the ramp just as Heyman responds to J.R.: "Oh, I hope not. I'm not a fan of Texas, but since Bradshaw got the Clothesline from Hell, I'll give a shout out to the state of Texas." A replay of the finish is shown. J.R. about the finishing Clothesline from Hell: "It ain't ballet, I'll tell ya'. What a shot!" Fade out.

POST-MATCH THOUGHTS: Nothing special. This was, along with Chyna/Ivory (which will be shown later on), an obvious filler match. Since they (the WWF) would be in Texas, The A.P.A. really had to have a part in the show. There wasn't really much storyline going into the match, with the only real heat leading up to it being Tazz discovering that he and The A.P.A. had a common enemy in the RTC. Therefore, they teamed up to take them on in this match. The A.P.A.'s obvious power advantage was put over well, with them unloading with various stiff manuevers on their foes. Tazz saw very little action in the match, only about a minute right when the match started. While the match was less than four minutes, most of the participants (besides Taz and, come to think of it, Faarooq, too) got out a good amount of their signature moves: Bull got his big boot and double-jump clothesline; Goodfather got in the Ho Train and leg drop; Val got his knee smashes and russian legsweep; Bradshaw got in his backdrop suplex, back elbow, Clothesline from Hell, and fallaway slam; Jackie even got in her DDT. They got in a lot of action in the few minutes they had, so I've got to give them credit for this. This match really wasn't quite as bad as most say it is. While it was no excitement-filled contest, there was some nice action.
RATING: *

- WrestleMania X7 promo magazine ad, featuring past clips of pro wrestling's biggest annual extravaganza.

- WWFShopZone.com ad. "WWFShopZone dot com. Your WrestleMania merchandise headquarters. Log on anytime."

- An outside view of the Reliant Astrodome is shown. Limp Bizkit's "My Way" is playing in the background. J.R. thanks all the viewers for being a part of the show, while Heyman puts over WrestleMania X7's official sponsor, "Snickers Cruncher." Fade out.

- Backstage, Trish Stratus is pushing a wheelchair with a drugged Linda McMahon in it. They reach a corner, and out comes Stephanie McMahon(-Helmsley): "Why there you are. Trish, you're a little late, OK? Mom, I just wanted to say one thing - that I'm sure it means so much to you that at - at least you had one child that turned out OK. And - ummm - Trish, tonight, after daddy - ddo you like my - my new jumpsuit?" Trish: "Ah...Really pretty." Steph: "Thank you...thank you." Trish: "Umm-hoom." Steph: "And I - uhhh - after Dad finishes kicking Shane's butt, then we need lots of champagne and strawberries for celebration, and if you could crush the ice, but use your hand. You crack it with a spoon, the ice is much better that way.." Trish: "Sure, Steph." Steph: "OK." Trish: "No problem." Steph: "Thank you." Trish wheels away Linda. Steph: "Bye, Mom. I'll see you out there." God, she's hot. Which one? Either one, besides Linda, of course. Fade out.

- We cut back to a live arena shot. Raven's "What About Me?" music hits, and J.R. has the following to say about the previous segment: "How indignant..." The Hardcore Champion, Raven, comes out with his usual shopping cart full of weapons. Fink announces him from "The Bowery," at 245 lb., and of course, as the Hardcore champ. Heyman: "Uhhh...quite frankly, I think Raven has only one thing to do in this match." J.R.: "What's that?" Heyman: "Run like hell." J.R.: "Well, he's not gonna' do that." Heyman: "I wasn't kidding!" Raven eventually reaches the ring, where he throws his various weapons in, this time including a yellow flat foam figure (no, not a Hogan one!), a square bucket, a Frankenstein mask, a vase, some signs, etc. He climbs up onto the apron, and then into the ring, where he awaits his opponents.

Out of nowhere, a pyro goes off, prompting the arena to go to a red tint, the eerie organ music to sound, and Kane to come out. Fink: "Introducing the challengers - weighing 326 pounds - Kane!" J.R. praises Kane, saying that he "may be the future of the WWF." A few seconds later, Heyman says the following: "For your money, for my money, for Mr. McMahon's money, I'll tell you this - Kane scares the hell out of me, and I am a fearless man." J.R.: "Well, let's not get carried away..." Kane eventually makes it to the end of the ramp, and he climbs onto the apron, through the ropes, and into the ring. Raven hands his belt to the referee and climbs out of the ring, allowing Kane his space. Kane does his signature quadruple pyro taunt in the middle of the ring. Kane stares down Raven, who cautiously climbs up onto the apron, and eventually into the ring. He grabs the yellow foam figure and bashes it over Kane's head.

3. WWF Hardcore Title Match: RAVEN (C) vs. KANE vs. BIG SHOW (Referee: Jimmy Korderas)

The bell rings, and the bout officially begins. Raven picks up some sign. Kane gutkicks him as he's coming in, but Raven already is in mid-swing, so he finishes his swing, bashing the sign over Kane's head, and then allows the monster to european uppercut him. The referee moves as Kane drags Raven and bashes his head into the corner buckle. "Well - It's The Big Show!!!" A pyro goes off as Big Show's music hits, and out he comes. In the ring, Kane uppercuts Raven down to the mat. Back to Big Show, who walks his way down to the ring. Fink doesn't even bother introducing him. Kane rams Raven's head into the buckle, and Heyman says that Big Show "is quite possibly impervious to pain." J.R. follows: "The Big Show has unlimited potential, but you can't live on potential - Ya' gotta' get it done, and here's the oppurtunity for The Big Show to get it done - in this matchup."

Hardcore Championship graphic. Kane press slams Raven out of the ring and onto the ringside Big Show, who catches Raven, practically places him on his feet, and locks him in an inverted facelock (reverse DDT hold). After about five seconds, Kane reaches the top-rope and leaps out to the concrete, clotheslining Show down. Raven covers. Kane breaks it up at 2 with a kick. His uppercut sends Raven over the rail and into the crowd. Kane and Chioda follow. Kane follows Raven into the mob of fans, finally catching up to him and scooping him up onto his shoulder. He turns around, but Show is there and thrust-kicks Kane's shoulder, causing Raven to fall out onto his feet. They all retreat deeper into the crowd (Raven, then Kane, then Show).

After some shots of cameramen, security guard, and fans trying to catch up to the action, all the while getting in a wave to a friend watching at home, we finally get a shot of Show punching Kane, and then dragging him deeper. Kane reverses a whip, sending Show into some kind of green wall. Show stays on his feet as Kane walks toward an entrance to the backstage area. Raven runs out from behind the black curtain and nails him four times in the head with a street sign as they cross the curtain. Kane uses a right kneelift and drags Raven down a hallway a bit before throwing him into an obviously fake white wall that's dented upon impact. Kane is about to uppercut him, but Show sledgehammer forearms him from behind, and then scoop slams him onto several wooden planks.

Raven limps further down the hall, but stupidly trips and tries to crawl his way down the hall, but Show catches up and throws him, and then Doan, into a little room with a metal fenced wall. The room is - well - a mess, with tons of stuff that will definitely be used. Show closes the fenced door and locks it shut. He turns around and pulls Raven down off of a shelf he's climbing, just as Kane catches up and easily rips the door open. He bashes a broom stick across Show's back, and then punches him three times. Show stumbles around on the bunch of junk, and is then hit with - something - that breaks upon impact with his back and makes a big <!SWACK!> sound. Raven picks up a piece of a green hose and starts choking Kane with it from behind. He turns into a reverse neckbreaker hold, but Kane soon backs up and rams Raven into the fence/wall, tearing it's hinges out of the ceiling. Raven and Kane crawl through the broken fence and back into the main hallway, where Kane chokes Raven with the hose.

With the choke still applied, Kane rams Raven into the wall, and then...through a window, which instantly shatters upon impact! Of course, the window wasn't actually real glass (most likely). Raven lands in a tiny office room. Show gutkicks Kane, drags him a bit, and then whips him into a door, whose lower hinges break off. Show knocks the top hinges out, which collapses the door into the room. They enter the room, and Show taunts a grounded Kane: "Hey, you wanna' play?! Well screw you!" Show picks Kane up by the neck with his right hand, looking for a chokeslam. "Right here on the floor. [roars, showing off his strength)" Kane grabs Show's neck with his left hand, looking for the same move. Kane twice slams Show into a wall (while they both still have the choke grip on), who follows by doing the same thing twice. The second time, the wall breaks and both stumble through the hole. I hate these fake walls...They're now in another small office, and Raven comes through the door, picks up a small table, and slams the flat surface down onto Show. Three stomps, but Show quickly gets up, so Raven retreats out and into another area of the main hall.

There's a guy in a red coat by a golf cart, so Raven punches him in the back, sending him down, and then climbs into the golf cart. Show, though, climbs onto the back of it and begins choking Raven, who has his foot on the pedal, with a rear chinlock. The cart drives a few meters before one of it's sides falls into a divet. Both men climb out, and we pan over to Kane, who's just exiting the office. He climbs into a golf cart (What a site! Kane in a golf cart! Ha!), and Korderas, title belt in hand, climbs onto the back and sits down, his feet hanging off the vehicle's back edge as Kane drives it a fair distance down the hallway toward Show and Raven. OUCH! Kane - at least it sure as hell looks and souunds like he did - runs onto Raven's right ankle. Kane immediately stops the cart, but Raven seems to be hurt (then again, it may be just an act), as he screams ["AHHHHH!"] and grabs at his ankle. Show pulls Kane out of the cart and and uses his right fist to hammer his back. He then switches his target to Raven, who's by now on his feet. Somebody out of camera range shouts, "Fuck him up!" This isn't censored.

As Show's dragging Raven, Kane forearms the former-ECW Champ from behind, but receives the exact same blow from Show. All three walk forward down the hallway (toward the camera). Kane turns around and uses a gutkick and punch on Show, before throwing the giant into the a structure made of a bunch of polls (that was used earlier in the match). The move is terribly sold. Raven hits Kane over the head with a pizza box (or something like it) full of styrofoam, causing the white stuff to start littering the floor. Punch. Show comes over and pushes Raven back-first onto the edge of a snack table. Raven quickly falls off. [J.R.: "There goes the Snapple." Heyman responds: "That was [inaudible] my favorite kind - Diet Peach."] Kane throws an empty garbage can at Show, and then drags him a few feet before ramming his head into - something - that sends - (I think) lettuce - into the camera, causing my only view to what happened at that very moment in the back of the Astrodome to become a bit (the camera gets a bit) blurred. Oh well...

Kane drags Show to the other side of the hallway and rams his head into something. Raven runs up and forearms him, but gets punched away. Kane drags Raven a bit, turns a corner, and throws him into a white chalkboard, which flies off it's support pole. Kane throws Raven into the production steps, but gets forearmed from behind by Show. Raven stumbles down the pathway, and Show follows. Raven crawls his way out onto the main entrance stage, prompting a good pop, as they had finally returned to actual view. Show comes out and lifts him up, just as Kane enters and unleashes a fury of somewhere around 14 punches (they were too fast for me to accurately count). Show eventually ends up laying up against his promo photo holograpm on one of the side big screens. Show reverses a whip and downs Kane with a hard lariat, and then goes over to Raven, who's laying on the ramp's edge, below leading to the lower area where The Dudleyz once superbombed Mae Young off and through a table below.

Show press slams Raven up (with Raven's feet facing the ramp's edge), just as Kane runs toward them and big boots Show's left shoulder, causing the giant (and Raven) to end up falling off the edge and crashing down onto a bunch of - something - that causes dust to swell up, which in turn makes it hard to see. The camera switches angles, just as Kane (with only about a two step running start) leaps off the stage, lifts his legs up in midair, and partially hits Raven with a sloppy leg drop. Korderas quickly runs down and around the rampway and finally comes into camera range when he arrives near the mess. Kane has covered Show. Korderas counts on a pane of transparent plastic: 1-2-3! "Ring the bell," he shouts toward the ring area. The bell rings (9:28).

WINNER and NEW WWF Hardcore Champion: Kane

- Kane's music hits, and he stumbles back to his feet. Fink announces the decision: "Your winner [pause] and new Hardcore Champiunnn - Kane!" Korderas gives Kane his newly-won title belt, which the new champ proudly raises with his right hand, as we see replays of Raven crashing through the backstage window and the finish. Raven and Show are both shown struggling to make it to their feet in the mess they're in. Fade out.

POST-MATCH THOUGHTS: Nothing special. Say what you will about he bumps, as there were some nice ones, but there was little psychology in this match (not that I expected there to be any). The match wasn't terrible, but it certainly wasn't one of the show's many other highlights. It was a fun little backstage brawl, the only meaning it was meant to have. Raven took some nice bumps, and that's about all. The whole breaking through the doors and walls was pointless, as it's very obvious that they were all specially made to be easy to break. Raven did an OK job of acting as the underdog throughout the bout. The finish was interesting, as we've never seen anything like that. That was a positive. Besides that, there wasn't many noteworthy highlight. This match really proved how lost Kane is in the WWF roster. The guy was once a former World Champ, and now he's jobbing in the lowcard level. It's too bad they can't find a solid spot for him on the upper level. Kane winning the Hardcore Title just shouldn't have to happen. His fans, one of which you're reading the work of, doesn't think that's right.
RATING: 1/2*

- Backstage, Kurt Angle is shown repeatedly watching him tapping out on SmackDown! to Chris Benoit (in a non-official match, though), who he faces tonight. He stares straight at the TV screen, not taking his eyes off it. Edge & Christian enter and ask him how it's goin'. They start to say that after he beats Benoit and they win TLC III - they're interrupted, though, by Angle, who all through his speech, doesn't take his eyes off of the TV: "Ya' know - if you make someone tap their hand on the mat, and there isn't an official bell, and there wasn't an official ref, and it wasn't an official match, then they never officially made anyone tap." Edge starts talking: "Well, technically - sure..." Angle interrupts, though: "they never officially made anyone tap." E&C start walking off, saying they'll see Angle later. "Thank you," he shouts as they walk out of the lockerroom. He continues staring at the TV, muttering some stuff to himself and repeatedly rewinding the tape. He never noticably took his eyes off of the TV throughout that whole segment. Nice heel segment. Fade out.

- J.R. hypes tonight's Angle/Benoit match later on, just as we cut to an outside, and then inside of view of WWF New York. We see the legendary Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka posing inside for the fans, who of course flock towards the camera and start going nuts. Fade out.

- Jonathan "The Coach" Coachman is in the crowd and informs the viewers that this is the first WrestleMania to have fans from all 50 (U.S.) states and 20 countries attending. He's with Linda Craftsmen (that's what it sounded like), who apparently traveled the farthest out of all the fans in attendance to arrive at WrestleMania. "I spent 30 hours flying from Brisbon, Australia, and this is my first WWF event ever." Coachman asks how she's liking it, and she says it's better than she expected. He then asked her to send a message out to the over 50 countries watching the event live. She sums up her response: "WWF rules!" Her and her friends shout some stuff into the camera. Fade out.

- We see a backstage shot of the WWF Champion, The Rock, entering his lockerroom, which has nice, smooth, wooden walls. He hangs his title belt on a pole that's vertically attached to the wall, takes off his suit to reveal a nice brown shirt, and walks away out of camera range. We zoom in on the WWF title belt. Fade out.

- We're back to a live arena shot. "Latino Heat..." Eddie Guerrero's cool music hits and out he comes, accompanied by fellow Radicalz member Perry Saturn, who's dressed in street clothes and is in the midst of his "big hat" craze, so he's wearing a big white hat to the ring. Fink introduces Eddie as hailing from El Paso, Texas and weighing in at 215 lb. A fan reaches out to try to touch Eddie, who plays up his heel gimmick by spitting on the fan. Fade out.

- We cut to a clip of last Monday's RAW is WAR, where Eddie served as special guest referee of the non-title match between X-Pac and European Champion Test. Test had X-Pac covered and referee Jimmy Korderas was counting. Eddie, though, pulled Korderas out of the ring and argued with him, which broke up the pinfall. We cut to a clip of Albert, X-Pac's fellow X-Factor heel stable member (the other being Justin Credible), giving his former partner, Test (managed by the then-new Trish Stratus, they comprised "T&A"), an Albert Bomb (double-arm lifting choke into a short sitdown powerbomb). This allows X-Pac to cover the grounded champion (it wasn't for the title, so he wouldn't win the belt). Guerrero happily counts the 1-2-3, giving X-Pac the win.

After the match, Eddie pummels Test with punches, stomps on him, spits on him, and shouts, "I'll see you at WrestleMania," before leaving the ring [J.R. (with a live comment [not from RAW]): "I still think his [Guerrero's] refereeing sucked." Heyman, of course, defends Eddie, saying that he's a great wrestler and not a referee, both of which are very true.) A match was made between the two at the Pay-Per-View. Fade out.

- We cut back to a live shot of the arena, and then the ring, where Eddie is waiting for his opponent. "Test...Test..." hits and the European Champion, Test, in the midst of what would be a short face run, comes out. Fink announces him as weighing in at 282 lb. Fink, though, fails to mention his hometown (Toronto, Ontario, Canada). Test, wearing the European Title around his waist, makes his way down to the ring while Heyman hypes this match and what it'd mean for the Guerrero family legacy. Test climbs into the ring, steps up onto the middle buckle, and raises is arms in triumph. Eddie, who apparently climbed out when Test entered the ring, climbs into the ring (from the apron), and Test gets in his face for a few seconds, taunting him with the title. I thought Eddie was supposed to be the heel. Oh well...Test backs up and heads toward his turnbuckle, but Eddie runs up from behind, turns Test around (the champion drops his title belt in the corner of the ring), and attempts a punch, but it's blocked by Test.

4. WWF European Title Match: EDDIE GUERRERO (w/ Perry Saturn) vs. TEST (C) (Referee: Jack Doan)

[the bell rings, so we've officially begun] Test hammers him back, blocks a few more blows, and uses some of his own on Eddie. Eddie is whip into the ropes and catapulted upward, crashing down on the mat face and chest-first, sort of like a back body drop, only he was catapulted straight upward instead of over Test's back. Eddie lands in front of Test, and once he's up, receives a hard powerbomb. Cover. 2. Eddie rolls out of the ring, and Test follows. Eddie is ready, though, and they go back-and-forth with punches, with Test eventually getting the best of the exchange, which convinces Eddie to rolls back into the ring. Test climbs up onto the apron, but Eddie is ready, and punches him. He pulls the big man in through the ropes and rams his head into the corner post. In the corner, he uses three punches, but his whip is reversed, so he crashes into the opposite post and bounces off. Test picks him up in a press slam, and then catapults him face-first into the corner turnbuckle! Nice bump by Eddie. Test covers. 2.

Eddie is whipped into the ropes and knocked down to the mat with a back elbow. Test scoop slams him, and then climbs up onto the turnbuckle so that he's sitting on the top-rope. Eddie, though, climbs to his feet and punches him. Eddie climbs up and stands on the top-rope, but Test holds on as he attempts a frankensteiner, so Eddie lands face-first onto the mat below. Test steps up onto the top-rope, and when Eddie rises up and turns toward him, the big man leaps up and downs the challenger with his signature diving back elbow. Cover. 2. Three punches. Test runs off the ropes, bounces off, charges Eddie, and attempts a crossbody, but his opponent drops down pulls the top-rope down at the same time, causing Test to land on the apron. His right foot is caught in the middle and top ring ropes. Eddie distracts the referee, Jack Doan, allowing Saturn to get in three forearm blows to the prone Test. Doan eventually turns around and sees Test struggling in the ropes, hanging upside-down on the apron, and goes over to try to assist in untangling the knot.

Eddie climbs out of the ring, but trips on the bottom rope and tumbles out to the concrete. He quickly gets back up, though, and hits the still tied up Test in the face with a forearm and bionic elbow.

Quick Results:

Intercontinental Title Match: Chris Jericho (C) pinned William Regal (7:40) to retain the title...Tazz & The Acolytes (Faarooq & Bradshaw) (w/ Jacqueline) defeated Right to Censor (The Goodfather, Bull Buchanan, & Val Venis) (3:56) when Bradshaw pinned Goodfather...Hardcore Title Match (Three-Way Match): Kane defeated Big Show and Raven (C) (9:28) when he pinned Big Show to win the title...European Title Match: Eddie Guerrero (w/ Perry Saturn) pinned Test (C) (8:32) to win the title...Kurt Angle defeated Chris Benoit (14:10)...Women's Title Match: Chyna pinned Ivory (C) (2:38) to win the title...Streetfight Match: Shane McMahon pinned Vince McMahon (14:11) in a "Streetfight Match." Mick Foley was the Special Guest Referee...World Tag Team Title Match (TLC [Tables, Ladders, and Chairs] II Match): Edge & Christian defeated The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Buh Buh Ray Dudley) (C) and The Hardy Boyz (Jeff & Matt Hardy) (15:50) in a "TLC III Match" to win the tag team titles..."Mean" Gene Okerlund & Bobby "The Brain" Heenan return to the WWF after more than five years and commentate the next match...Gimmick Battle Royal: Iron Shiek won a battle royal by last eliminating Hillbilly Jim (3:50). Other participants (in order of entrance): Bushwhacker Luke, Bushwhacker Butch, Duke Droese, Doink the Clown, Nikolai Volkoff, Tugboat, Earthquake, The Gobbledy Gooker, Hillbilly Jim, Brother Love, Sgt. Slaughter, Michael Hayes, One Man Gang, Kamala, Jim Cornette, & The Goon...Jim Ross & Paul Heyman take back their commentary positions...The Undertaker pinned Triple H (18:27)...World Heavyweight Title Match (No Disqualification): Stone Cold Steve Austin pinned The Rock (C) (28:08) to win the title.