Llakor Broadcast System

Tuesday, September 3rd, 2003

LBS#36: A Kay-Fabe History of the IWS

(With a short afterword at the end to explain how this came to be written.)

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The History of the IWS


The IWS is born

Spring 2001. A dark, dank dirty alleyway filled with bloody needles and used condoms. An unconscious junkie. A porn star picking her way through the refuse in stiletto heels. A common enough sight in most cities, especially in Montreal, the Ghetto Paris of North America. But, sometimes, a junkie is not just a junkie. Sometimes, a porn star is not just a porn star. When the porn star is Carol Cox, Queen of Amateur Porn, and the junkie is PCP Crazy Fucking Manny, the most hard core wrestling junkie in the world, the meeting is anything but ordinary. In this case, the meeting was historic. From this casual encounter, the IWS was born... and hardcore wrestling would never be the same.

When Carol Cox tripped over PCP Crazy Fucking Manny, he was a despondent junkie on a downward spiral heading to his last fix. Just days before, Manny was the owner of the World Wrestling Syndicate and its champion. Then his partner and his best friend, Nixon Stratus stabbed him in the back and stole his title, his company, his life.

With Carol Cox’ financial backing and moral encouragement, Manny set out to regain his title and his company, challenging Nixon Stratus to put both on the line at the Medley in downtown Montreal during Praise the Violence. Despite many obstacles, Manny triumphed. Carol and Manny renamed the company the Internet Wrestling Syndicate and set out to conquer the world of hardcore wrestling. They immediately stunned hardcore wrestling fans with their very first Fans Bring the Weapons Match that set a record for the number of light tubes used in a match.

Enter Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris

With success comes greater responsibility however. Manny and Carol decided that they needed a man to handle the day to day business of the IWS. They hired as their commissioner, Joseph FitzMorris, the organizer of the successful Tournament of the Icons wrestling festival held in Two Mountains, and the man who first introduced Canadian wrestling fans to light tubes as in-ring weapons. What Carol and Manny did not know was that Joseph FitzMorris had nothing but hatred and contempt for the hard core junkie and the porn queen. He took the job determined to steal the IWS away from them and in his words, “Clean away the filth and the decadence. Get rid of the drugs and the porn. Return the IWS to the purity of violence.”

The first step of Commissioner FitzMorris’ master plan was to get the title off PCP Crazy Fucking Manny. He managed this at Yesterday Don’t Mean Shit when the forces of Sexxx and Violence combined as the One Man War, the Arsenal helped his tag team partner, the Triple X “Sex XXXpress” Sexxxy Eddy pin Manny for the IWS heavyweight title belt.

Justice Pain... Born to Bleed

In the hopes that a return to the Medley would return him his belt, Manny and Carol organized another Medley hardcore wrestling extravaganza, Born to Bleed, and invited as their special guest CZW champion Justice Pain. Manny even succeeded in getting his best friend, TNT, appointed as guest referee in the main event. Justice Pain successfully defended his CZW title in a three way dance against both Hardcore Ninjaz. Then Justice Pain and TNT combined... to screw Manny and help Eddy keep his IWS title.

With the IWS title safely out of the hands of PCP Crazy Fucking Manny, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris decided to add to the gold in the IWS by creating a tag team title. This lead to the Extreme Dream Tag Team tournament in which teams from Scotland, Japan, New Zealand, Peru and that notorious breeding spots for championship teams, Parts Unknown, competed with teams from Canada to become the first ever Internet Wrestling Syndicate tag team champions. This historic tournament was the first and only time that tag teams from every wrestling federation in Quebec performed together on a world stage.

Extreme Dream

Commissioner FitzMorris took some time off during the tournament, putting his stoolie Nixon Stratus in charge of the tournament. The favourites to win the tournament were the Hardcore Ninjaz, with their stiffest competition expected to be either Green Drugs, the Green Phantom and PCP Crazy Fucking Manny, or Nixon Stratus’ hand-picked team of Heavy Explosives, TNT and Heavy Maxx Fury. The IWS champion, Sexxxy Eddy also entered the competition with his tag partner the Arsenal, but much to the Arsenal’s disgust, Eddy declared that he had only entered to avoid having to defend his IWS title. This lead to the break-up of Sexxx and Violence as the Arsenal and Eddy came to blows.

During the tournament, both Hardcore Ninja Number Two and TNT were injured, leading to the unlikely team of Heavy Maxx Fury and Hardcore Ninja Number One being formed by Nixon Stratus. This jury-rigged team stunned everyone by winning the tournament and claiming the titles.

The following month, during Know Your Enemies, Heavy Maxx Fury chose Green Drugs to defend his half of the IWS tag team title belt, but the reunited and healthy Hardcore Ninjaz were able to withstand that challenge and unify the tag team title belts. During the same show, Eddy defended his IWS title against former tag team partner, the Arsenal. Eddy emerged victorious when the first lady of hard core, Precious Lucy, interfered on his behalf.

Tournament of the Icons

Any doubts as to the Hardcore Ninjaz rights to hold the belts were laid to rest at Freedom to Fight when the Ninjaz beat Heavy Explosives. As the Ninjaz title reign was beginning, Sexxxy Eddy’s was drawing to a close. Eddy lost his belt during a four corners elimination match against the Arsenal, the Green Phantom and PCP Crazy Fucking Manny. The Green Phantom emerged victorious to the delight of his supporters “from the Ancient Green Hills of Two Mountains” and the masked superstar promptly offered his tag team partner, Manny, a title shot in an exploding ring match during the Tournament of Icons wrestling festival.

During this historic third Tournament of the Icons, Sexxxy Eddy emerged as the winner of the tournament, beating the Arsenal who, once again, found Precious Lucy meddling in his business. The Hardcore Ninjaz beat the Red Army, Face of Death and Iceberg, who had won a battle royale to be declared the number one contenders to the Ninjaz’ tag titles. And in the main event, the Green Phantom survived the first exploding ring match ever held in Canada to hang on to his IWS title.

The Red Army continued their quest for the tag titles at an outdoor show held during the Montreal Fringe Festival. They faced the Ninjaz and new IWS tag team Hi-5, Kid Kamikaze and Beef Wellington, in a three way elimination match, but they were unable to overcome the numbers game as the Ninjaz and Hi-5 teamed up to eliminate the Red Army first. Then, the Ninjaz pinned Hi-5 to continue their title run. The Arsenal got another crack at the IWS title in a match with the Green Phantom, but guest referee Precious Lucy put a stop to the Arsenal’s cheating and counted the pin fall victory for the Green Phantom.

The feud between the Arsenal and Precious Lucy finally came to a head at Scarred For LIfe as the two wrestlers fought in what has been described as “the worst bloodbath in Canadian wrestling history.” Lucy won with the help of amateur porn star Elsa Bangz. Also during Scarred For Life, the Red Army won the IWS tag titles in controversial fashion beating the Hardcore Ninjaz in a burning table match where the burning table did not actually break. And PCP Crazy Fucking Manny found himself betrayed by his best friend, again, as the Green Phantom turned on him during Manny’s exploding barbed wire board match with the Natural Superstar, Steve Royds.

Lobo... and the Fans Bring the Weapons

This lead to Manny recruiting new IWS star Dru Onyx to be his partner against Steve Royds and the Green Phantom at UnFUCKINGSanctioned, in the annual Fans Bring the Weapons match. Before the main event, the Hardcore Ninjaz won a Japanese Death Match against the Red Army to win back their IWS tag team titles. In addition, Dru Onyx defeated both the Arsenal and Sexxxy Eddy to be named number one contender to the Green Phantom’s title. Steve Royds and the Green Phantom attacked Dru Onyx immediately afterwards, Pillmanizing his wrist and putting him out of the main event Fans Bring the Weapons. Manny recruited CZW hardcore legend Lobo, visiting the IWS to scout talent, to be his partner and replace Dru Onyx. Sadly, Manny had forgotten that Lobo was Steve Royd’s boss and the match turned into a three man beat down.

Exit Manny

In all the misfortunes that had befallen Manny during that long summer of 2002, it was not difficult to see the Machiavellian machinations of Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris behind it all. But at Blood, Sweat and Beers, the Commissioner stepped from the background arranging a “Loser Leaves the IWS” match between PCP Crazy Fucking Manny and IWS rookie, El Generico. The Latin Luchador won the match with the unwanted help of the Commissioner and Manny lost his job, his self-respect and some of his teeth. Manny took some small satisfaction in watching his friend Dru Onyx beat the Green Phantom in a match that the Commissioner declared a non-title match... after Dru Onyx had already gotten the pin.

Blood, Sweat and Beers also saw the culmination of the long-running feud between the Arsenal and his former tag partner Sexxxy Eddy, a feud that has been described as the greatest in IWS history. Oddly, both men emerged victorious. Eddy got the pin fall victory with some assistance from Elsa Bangz, but in the process the Arsenal viciously injured Eddy with a T-Bone Suplex, separating Eddy’s shoulder and putting the porn star on the injured list for months.

The Arsenal then turned his attentions towards Elsa Bangz who began recruiting the best wrestlers in Quebec to defend her and in her words, “squash the Arsenal like the little cockroach that he is.” To her dismay, the Arsenal began a string of victories beating men like DJ Sick and Mathy69. In the end, Elsa’s only victory was the split that she caused between the Arsenal and his manager, the Motivator of Madness.

The Commissioner stepped up his harassment of Dru Onyx at Payback’s A Bitch, planting drug paraphanelia in Onyx’s gear that got him arrested. While the Green Phantom and the Commissioner gloated that the Phantom’s title reign would last forever, the Hardcore Ninjaz’ title reign came to an end. The Ninjaz lost a hard-hitting barbed-wire ladder match against Hi-5. Immediately afterwards, the Hardcore Ninjaz split up as a team as Hardcore Ninja Number Two attacked his brother, blaming him for losing their belts.

2003... A Year of Barbed Wire, Fire and Glass

As 2003 began, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris had reason to be content, even smug. He and his hand-picked champion, the Green Phantom had rid the IWS of the drug influence of PCP Crazy Fucking Manny. The Westmount Warriors, Hi-5 added a touch of (upper) class to the IWS as tag team champions. The Arsenal had rid the IWS of the porn influence of Sexxxy Eddy. As Commissioner, he had fired Elsa Bangz for taking nude pictures for her web-site in front of an IWS banner with an IWS cameraman. And he had tricked Dru Onyx into putting his spot as number one contender on the line in a match with Steve Royds. Life was good.

It came as a shock when Dru Onyx survived a Steve Royds power bomb through a table to win his match at Season’s Beatings, with the unexpected help of PCP Crazy Fucking Manny, who burst out of a big green box at ringside and forced senior official Peanut, at gun point, to count Onyx’ pin of Royds.

Determined to end Dru Onyx’ threat to his champion, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris forced Dru Onyx to put his title shot on the line in a tag team match against the Green Phantom and Steve Royds. The Commissioner further stacked the deck against Onyx by giving him as partner El Generico. But the Commissioner’s diatribes against porn and drugs raised the ire of the IWS’ inactive owner Carol Cox. Unable to fire the Commissioner, instead at the next IWS show, Violent Valentine, Carol appointed Miss Seska as IWS President to look after her interests. Seska’s first act was to appoint PCP Crazy Fucking Manny as special guest referee in the main event. Despite handcuffing Onyx to the ropes and isolating El Generico, the Green Phantom and Steve Royds lost their bid to steal Onyx’ title shot when El Generico pinned Steve Royds with Manny’s help.

Following the match, the Green Phantom and Steve Royds took their revenge on Manny by power bombing him through fifty light tubes. Manny has been confined to a hospital bed ever since. On IWS-TV the week after Violent Valentines, host Brian the Guppie announced that Manny’s injuries included, “a concussion, 50 stitches, a torn artery and a heavily cut arm.” His co-host, Renaissance Man Peter LaSalle, reported the following week that Manny’s injuries were even more severe than originally thought and included, “A punctured pancreas, a swollen spleen, a concussed colon and a lacerated liver.”

The Onyx Era

This lead to the most anticipated rematch in IWS history as the Green Phantom put his title on the line against Dru Onyx at last during the historic Know Your Enemies show. The Phantom won the first fall of the best two of three match after using his Green Mist for the first time and then hitting a devastating Phantasm against the blinded Onyx. Onyx won the second fall with a Ground Zero from the apron to the concrete. During the final fall, The Green Phantom brought first thumb tacks and then a pane of glass to the ring in an effort to put away Dry Onyx for good. Finally, the Arsenal ran into the ring, hitting Onyx twice on the back with his kendo stick and then breaking his kendo stick on the head of the Green Phantom. Onyx took advantage to power bomb the Green Phantom through the pane of glass propped between two chairs for the pin and the win.

After beating the Green Phantom, Dru Onyx declared his intention to be a fighting champion saying, “I’m 325 pounds. I’m too fat to run!” His eventual number one challenger, the Arsenal, on the other hand, showed his true colours by ducking his shot at the IWS title, trying to psych out the big man. Dru Onyx ignored the provocation and turned his attention to other opponents facing and defeating over the coming months El Generico, EXcesS69, the Evil Ninja and Quebec wrestling legend, Sunny War Cloud.

Dru Onyx began his title reign at Freedom to Fight by challenging El Generico as a gesture of respect for the man whose pin of Steve Royds had guaranteed Onyx his title shot. Onyx won, but only after being taken to the limit by the Tijuana native. During that same show, the Arsenal won a three way match against the Green Phantom and new IWS star, EXcesS69, to become the number one contender to Dru Onyx’ title. The long running feud between brothers, the Hardcore Ninjaz, came to an end as Hardcore Ninja Number Two aka the Evil Ninja battered his brother into submission in a no-ropes barbed wire match that has been hailed as the greatest main event in IWS history.

The Secret Origins of the SLI

Freedom to Fight also saw the end of the most controversial feud in IWS history. For months, the Angry Aryans, Viking and Damian, had been taunting the inter-racial team of Face of Death and Iceberg, verbally attacking their partnership, their friendship and their respective inter-racial marriages. This culminated in a hate-filled burning tables match where Iceberg and FoD set Viking on fire while the crowd chanted, “Burn Nazi Burn!”

The following month a chastened Viking and Damian were brought to the ring by their new Svengali, Fred le Merveille. Damian announced that with Fred’s help they had realized that, “We don’t hate Blacks. We don’t hate Jews. NO! Thanks to Fred, we realized that what we really hate... sont les MAUDITS ANGLAIS!” On the spot, Fred formed le Syndicat de Lutte Internet dedicated to fighting all those who don’t speak French.

There are rumours that the formation of the SLI was based on a dark bargain. Viking and Damian agreed to join Fred, but only if he used his influence to get rid of Iceberg and FoD. It is whispered that Fred blackmailed the IWS head office by threatening that he would shut down the federation for violations of the province of Quebec’s stringent language laws if Iceberg and FOD were not fired. It is possible that the truth will never be known, but it is certain that neither Iceberg nor FoD have been seen in the IWS since they set Viking on fire.

The Odd Couple of the IWS

In the meantime, Commissioner Joseph FitzMorris turned his attention to IWS tag team gold, signing IWS rookie sensation MathyS69 to a ten year contract, renaming him EXcesS69 and pairing him with the Green Phantom. The team got off to a rocky start with the Green Phantom coming close to breaking EXcesS69’s neck. But the Commissioner persisted and booked the Odd Couple tag team in a tag team title match against Hi-5 at Hardcore Heat.

Before Hardcore Heat, Hi-5 had held the IWS Tag team title belts for nine months successfully defending them, with the help of their bodyguard Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale, against Los Latinos, the Angry Aryans, and Extreme Revolution amongst others. The only blemishes on Hi-5’s title run were a non-title loss to the Flying Hurricanes and the traumatic and nearly career-ending injury suffered by Beef Wellington when, while performing his high-risk, crowd-pleasing, top rope ass punch against Latino Mysterio, he fractured his hand against Mysterio’s bony ass.

Despite continued friction between EXcesS69 and the Green Phantom, and despite Hi-5’s attempts to murder EXcesS69, Commissioner FitzMorris’ team defeated Hi-5 and emerged as IWS tag team champions when the Green Phantom drove Kid Kamikaze through a pane of glass and into Beef Wellington after a shattering Phantasm.

Many experts, including Beef Wellington, blame Hi-5’s bodyguard, Career Killer Kurt Lauderdale, with the loss. Kurt turned on his employers when they were poised for the win, taking them both out with a double choke slam and leaving them easy pickings for the Green Phantom. Beef Wellington challenged Kurt Lauderdale to a match at Born to Bleed, looking for revenge for his lost gold and his injured partner. During the match, Kid Kamikaze limped to ringside with a chair and stunned everyone with a thunderous chair shot on Beef. Kid Kamikaze attacked his fallen partner both verbally, calling Beef a crowd-pleasing clown, and physically. Coming to Beef’s rescue was none other than his friend and former trainer, three-time WWF tag team champion, WCW hard core champion, star of ECW and All Japan, Pierre Carl Ouellet. Beef and PCO quickly chased Kurt and Kid Kamikaze out of the ring and challenged them to a match for UnFUCKINGSanctioned.

The Arsenal vs. Dru Onyx... FINALLY!

The Arsenal finally faced Onyx for the IWS title at Born to Bleed. The Arsenal stacked the deck in his favour by getting Commissioner FitzMorris to make the match a ladder match. His manager, Iron Mike Patterson, made sure that the Evil Ninja would have the night off to help lend a hand against Dru Onyx. Things looked bleak for Onyx until Hardcore Ninja Number One made his surprise return to the IWS, after months on the injured list, to watch Onyx’ back.

Onyx beat the Arsenal from one end of the ring during the subsequent ladder match, literally splintering ladders in two using the Arsenal as a human wrecking ball. But Onyx never quite had the chance to climb a ladder and claim his title. When it looked like he would finally get that chance, the Evil Ninja hit the ring. Shortly afterwards, Hardcore Ninja Number One hit the ring with a chair. When Onyx turned his back on the Hardcore Ninja Number One to challenge the Arsenal and Evil Ninja, Hardcore Ninja Number One attacked Onyx from behind with the chair in a sneak attack and he ripped off his white mask to reveal a black one underneath. After covering Onyx in the remains of tables, ladders and chairs littering the ring, the Arsenal and both Evil Ninjaz climbed, with chairs, to the top rope on three separate corners to unleash a three-way Pearl Harbour on the fallen IWS champion. While the two Evil Ninjaz held Onyx down, the Arsenal climbed the last remaining ladder to claim his IWS title.

As the Arsenal celebrated, his manager Iron Mike Patterson declared his intention to claim all of the IWS gold when his Evil Ninjaz beat the Green Phantom and EXcesS69 for the IWS tag team titles. This set-up a match between the two teams in the main event for UnFUCKINGSanctioned in the annual Fans Bring the Weapons match.

As the Medley braces for the third IWS show to be held there, one that promises to be the most brutal in IWS history, one can only wonder what the future holds for the IWS.

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Afterword:

This takes a certain amount of explanation. One of the guys that I send press releases to is a guy named Lars Hildebrand who works for a German wrestling web-site called http://www.cagematch.de

(Yes, IWS results are published in Germany in German. Also in France, Italy and Japan. Oddly, I can send my results in English to a site in France and they will translate and edit the results to something that they can use and post it, but the French web-sites in Quebec refuse to do the same thing. But they seem to get all their (W)WWF results in French...)

So, when I first started sending my results to Lars he was thrilled to get them...

(And yet people in Georgia who watch Joshi wrestling bitch and ask me, "Why the Hell would I care what the hell happens in FUCKING Quebec?" But I digress...)

Anyway, Lars innocently asked me if I could send him a history of the IWS to post on his site. I immediately started thumping my head on my keyboard, because of course no such thing exists. That wouldn't be so bad except of course that Lars was absolutely right that such a thing should exist, and naturally for such a thing to exist, I would have to write it.

I tried to walk a fine line between giving too much detail and not giving enough. As advertised, it is a Kay-Fabe history because if I could write like anyone I would want to write like Stu Saks, and because shoot histories give me the hives. And I am the one writing it after all. Of course, in the process some rather important figures in IWS history like Carl XL Leduc and Evylicious are given rather short shrift, but I can always go back and talk about them later. (If anyone cares...)

I hope you enjoy(ed) it.