In 1999, we finally took Amy to our family physician, as she was just not getting better. He did some x-rays and lab work.
Then we began to live every parent�s worst nightmare. The x-ray revealed a large mass (12cm x 18cm x 8cm in size) in her chest. My baby had cancer! She was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, in an advanced state.
Amy's initial response after the doctor told her this news was this: "Well praise God! I have been praying for revival in our high school, and if He chooses me this way to bring my friends closer to Him, then praise God!"
Her Dad and I looked at her in astonishment. I asked her if she realized the seriousness of her diagnosis.
Her unforgettable reply: "Well, duh, Mom! I have cancer and it is so advanced that I will probably die!"
I looked at my daughter in disbelief. Part of me wanted to shake her - then protect her from any harm, but, I knew she was right! She had crucified her life with her Lord, and now, as she put it, she could actually "walk the walk!"
The next eight months were filled with surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I cannot even verbalize the deepness of the pain I felt as I helplessly watched my daughter living through sheer torment and excruciating pain! Amy never complained. Never once asked, "Why me?" Her strength amazed me. But, it was not her own. It was the supernatural peace that is an outgrowth of her Spirit-controlled life.
I'd been a Christian many years, and always felt I had a close relationship with God. But watching her made me see that I didn't even know what it meant to be one with Him!
I had reached my breaking point. I couldn't do this! I couldn't FIX things this time. I didn't have the power or ability she needed. There was only one thing I could do - turn it all over to Him. I had to admit I couldn't do this alone - I had to roll the load over on Him - for only He could carry it.
I cannot tell you the peace that flooded my soul. Once the burden was His, I was FREE to minister to Amy in a whole new way.
As the months went by, we began to realize the huge impact that Amy's life had, and continued to have, on young people all over. Literally thousands of cards and letters, flowers, gifts and banners came flooding in from those she'd touched by the way she lived day in and day out. Teens by the hundreds drove for miles to visit Amy in the hospital to tell her how her life had changed theirs. Many who'd not yet accepted Jesus did so because they saw first hand how Amy accepted God's will with joy and peace. She was even interviewed by TV and newspapers and consistently gave God the glory for each baby step of improvement, and the strength He'd given her to keep going.
The tumor began to shrink; we were so thankful! We believed healing was on its way.
After about six weeks of continuous chemotherapy, the ravaging side-effects having destroyed the inside of her body, Amy was forced to go on a ventilator in order to live. Just before they placed her on the vent, she wrote to me, "Mom, remember your vision,� meaning that I knew God's hand would protect her.
With tears streaming down my face, our eyes met in peace. I was totally amazed at her strength!
Survival was questionable, but God pulled her through. Over the next few months, during more bouts of chemo, the tumor began to shrink and disappear... with it Amy's hair, eyebrows and lashes as well. She was as slick and smooth as a newborn babe.
Her first glance into a mirror was a shock. She cried! By then we'd all gotten used to her "new look". She composed herself, and in typical Amy fashion, she took a deep breath, dried her eyes and said, "So... what do you think?" as she posed for her dad and me.
Oh, the power of God!
Amy had a wig, but chose not to wear it. People knew she was bald anyway, so why bother trying to hide it, she thought. She walked holding her head up high, strengthening others with her own strength in her Lord.
Amy's remission was short-lived. Only thirty-two days after Amy was declared "cancer-free,� the cancer returned with a vengeance. It was hopeless. The cancer had spread throughout her entire body, bone marrow and blood!
Amy chose to go home to be with her family for the time she had left on this earth.We were home with Amy for four weeks for the remainder of her disease. What a glorious four weeks it was. We read Psalm 91 to her every night as she tried to drift off to sleep.
"He who dwells in the shadow of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust'..."
It was such a comfort to know that God had placed His angels to watch over their child.
Amy stayed totally faithful to the Lord. Many, many young people gave their lives to Christ both during her illness, and after her battle was over. She walked the walk indeed.
I've never experienced pain such as I felt when Amy left us on September 18, 1999 to go to her new Home with the Father. I was devastated, but the Holy Spirit ministered to me in that peace that only He can bring. I am a stronger woman of God for having known Amy, and for having fought her fight with her. Seeing her live and believe wholly and completely in God for sustenance and endurance grew me and stretched my faith each and every day.
Am I bitter or resentful of God for taking her from me? NO!! You see, He didn't take away anything. He gifted me! Our children are with us strictly on loan from God. We are not promised a certain amount of time with them. God has placed them in our care. It's as though God says, "Rear her, teach her, and love her until I come back for her."
Please, please don't waste a moment with your children. Cherish them. Nurture them. Teach them. Love them for as long as God allows you the privilege. I am thankful to have been Amy's mother. I am proud that her life and her death honored God. And I feel now that I can honestly say, " Father, I reared her, and taught her, but most importantly, I loved her and taught her how to love You."Amy can say, with Paul... �and there is in store for her a crown of righteousness which will be awarded to her on that day...� (2 Timothy 4:7).
God has given me His word that He will �never leave me nor forsake me...�(Hebrews 13:7). He's allowed me the privilege of looking back at the quilt squares pieced together in my life so far, and see a magnificent work, with His hand guiding it all the way.
Hoping you will learn to trust Him too,
Patience
