I can't think of anything more discouraging and heartbreaking than to see your children grow away from the teachings, morals, standards you spent eighteen to twenty years instilling into them.
You see the choices they�ve made and something deep inside you cries out, "WHO ARE YOU??? & WHAT have you done with MY child?" Things you abhor and even they once HATED are now the center of their world.
What happened to that angel-faced little girls who knelt by her bed with you every night and said prayers that came from her pure little heart?
Where�s the responsible little boy who worked so hard at his own paper route so he could save for his first bicycle? The daughter who baked chocolate chip cookies from scratch for the church bake sale� the son who played little league, participated in the church�s fund-raising car washes, taught the dog to fetch a stick and roll over and play dead? Where are those precious gems from long ago? It seems I am remembering another life � or maybe a dream. Or is what I see and hear now the dream � rather nightmare!!?
Oh, sure, they call now and then� when they are in trouble� need money� to be rescued from their boyfriend�s used them for a punching bag, only to return to his lying promises the very next week� or to be bailed out of jail for "being at the wrong place at the right time". We give them the best advice we can, only to be told to "Butt out!"
Why do we continue to love them and reach out even thought we�ve been told to "Drop dead", "Go to hell", "Get a life", and other unrepeatable comments made in the heat of anger � even hatred. Why does that love continue to burn so strongly though it causes nothing but emptiness and pain??
When we�ve done our best, what else can be done? When we�ve prayed for them until we�re hoarse, and we�ve cried until surely we�ve run dry� how do we go one just one more day?
We wash our hands of them � tough love � That�s it! No more! You�re on your own! Then for weeks, months, even years the wound finally scabs, heals, and soon there is just barely a tiny little scar to remind you.
Then the phone rings out of the serenity you have made for your life. "Mom, I�m so so sorry. Can you please forgive me? Can I come home" And all the resolve is gone. The tiny scar is there to remind you of the pain that is sure to follow, but you are in gear � full speed ahead. You pray this time it will be different � they�ve learned their lesson � and for a while it does seem that sanity has returned to your peaceful home once again, & God once again seems in control.
But some day, some way, the nightmare returns. You return from an evening out to find the extra car gone. No note, yet belongings from closet and drawers confirm your worst suspicions. Days later, you discover your credit card, emergency money, and a special piece of valuable family silver are all gone too. You feel so betrayed� so hurt� so stupid. How did this happen again??? What exactly is unconditional love? Just how many times are we required to forgive? How much is TOO MUCH? Well, hard as it is to do so, go to Luke and read about the Prodigal Son who had the nerve to demand what was not rightfully his until AFTER his father�s death, returning to ask forgiveness only after he�s squandered it all.
Be like the prodigal�s father � be like your heavenly Father, who welcomes you with open arms and unconditional love no matter how many times you mess up. Welcome them with open arms WHEN they come repentant. Forgive 70 X 7 times when they are truly sorry and want to do better.
But what of the hard-hearted rebellious child who won�t repent? What does the Word say about that? Is there a time when we say "Enough is enough"? Does God? I�m still learning myself. I don�t have all the answers. I know God does not wink at sin and that we are all to reap what we sow. I know that if we allow our children to be foolish and look the other way � even when a crime is committed (stealing a car, credit cards, jewelry, phone cards, etc. IS a crime) what message do we send? Yes, God forgives and we must too, but God also punishes and is just when the precious blood of His Son is trampled by unrepented sin. There comes a time when a rebellious child must be turned over to God for punishment, even if that means through the legal system, even if it breaks your heart.
If you have such a child and your heart has been broken so � just think how many times our dear Father�s heart has been similarly broken � then multiply it by the thousands and possibly, just maybe we can begin to understand His infinite Love and Mercy and Grace.
With Understanding Love,
Valerie
