It hurts to think that there are others that are feeling trapped into living in abusive situations. In reality I know that there are and that is why I am writing you this letter. I hope you will find some encouragement in what I have to say and that you will find peace.
When I was twenty-one, I married my childhood sweetheart-- dreaming it would be forever. Unfortunately, my dream turned into a long nightmare.
We had three beautiful sons, but we didn't have the happy family that I wanted. I loved my husband more than life itself, but he became consumed by alcohol and grew more and more violent as the years went by. I hated his drinking and could not keep my mouth shut, though it meant my being hurt.
I wanted to die so I wouldn't have to deal with it. I couldn't leave him and I felt bad about staying and keeping the kids in this mess. At one point, he beat one of our sons for crying for me when I had left the room. I could never leave him alone with them again.
It was so hard for them to have to watch me being abused. They were so frightened. The boys begged me to leave, but I just couldn't let go.
I spent eleven years in that situation before I got the courage to get out. I so much desired to have someone love me I made another stupid mistake and found myself in another abusive situation.
With my second husband, the violence was much worse than the first. I really had times that I feared for my life, but I felt like I deserved what I was going through. I was trapped.
I was not a Christian and did not go to church, but my kids did go and they were praying for me. God was watching over me and preparing me for what I had to do.
I spent another seven years trying to make an impossible situation work out. I lost a baby because of the abuse and later gave birth to another child, a girl, who would also have to grow up in this disaster of a marriage.
It took a violent act toward other family members to wake me up and get me out.
My troubles didn't end there. I spent years alone and went through more trials. I went through a period of feeling so worthless that I wanted to end my life. My life was a living hell.
One of my sons became a minister, and shared Jesus Christ with me. He led me to Real Life in Christ!
Still there were more trials. Several years ago, my precious little daughter told me her father had molested her, and we had to deal with that situation as well. This time, I had the Lord in my life. Without Him, we would not have made it.
The trials aren't over, but truly, they never will be until Jesus comes back. But I'm not alone anymore. He is walking by my side. He will never leave me nor forsake me.
I want to be a support for any of you that are going through these things. If you need someone to talk to or just listen, I am here for you.
Your Friend,
Janelle
