Should I Stay...Or Go?
Today in my profession as a Christian counselor, I hear more and more about spousal abuse among young women and older ones as well. Even in my own family I have young nieces who have endured bitter abuse and have stayed with their spouses thinking it best for the children. On one occasion one of them actually went to a shelter for women for a few days. The other two have gotten out after much distress. One of them still feels threatened at times by her ex-husband, but is about to be married to a wonderful man who will stand by her side. The other one that got out really has a messed up life and will never totally recover unless she completely turns her life over to God.
Because of my nieces and the idea this story might help one of you, I want to tell you of one such abuse situation and the reason why if you find yourself in this circumstance you need to seek professional help not only for yourself but possibly, long range, you could help your spouse also. This is a true story, I survived spousal abuse and so can you!
Many times I am sure there were other girls just like me, who married for the same reason I did, to get away from a bad home environment. My parents were divorced. I had seen and heard things that my eyes and ears should never have had to perceive, so is it any wonder that at seventeen years old when I met someone who offered me a way out, I was ready to make that move?
Have you ever heard the saying, "Jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire"? Well that is just about what happened to me. I took a gigantic leap and landed in the worst fire I could have ever imagined. I thought my life was hell at home, but I had no idea what real HELL can be!
I knew this man's reputation for drinking and I also knew when he drank he had a violent nature, but I was sure that his "love for me" would change all of that. What a foolish mistake to think that we can change a person that is addicted to substance abuse by simply loving them and that we can change that abusive nature the same way.
After only a few months of marriage, he came home drunk and I found out what it really meant to be abused, both verbally and physically. I was so frightened I vowed to leave him as soon as I could slip out of the house. Of course by the next morning he was ashamed and apologetic, avowing his love for me and promising that this would never happen again, so I stayed on and became a victim as so many of you who will read this page have become or may one day soon be.
I bore him a child during my eleven years of both mental and physical torture, while listening to every lie and promise in the book.
When my son was six years old there was an occasion when I feared that my husband would hurt his own child in order to get at me, so I knew I had to find a way out of this nightmare.
It took moving from the west coast to the east coast and getting a divorce before it was over. I had left him so many times before, but always went back after he would wheedle, cry and make vain promises. This time I went home to a protective family and he knew that I had made a final step. He saw his son one time after that and when the marriage was dissolved I asked for no child support, so he never tried to come around us again.
Ladies, I looked over my shoulder for years - always expecting to see him stalking me and I feared for my life even though we were divorced, because he had always told me if I took his son and left him, he would find me and kill me. To him, we were property, prizes he'd earned and no one was going to take what was his and get away with it!
He died several years ago, probably a broken man from the type of life he lived unless there was a major change somewhere along life's highway. I hope for his sake, and our son's that there was.
Thank God there is life after spousal abuse IF you are wise enough and brave enough to step out of your situation and ask for help either from supportive family members or you can go to a shelter for abused women. Pick up the phone and call someone who is trained to help you in this type situation. You must come to the realization that if your partner is an abuser, he has no power to change his abusive pattern without help. Only professional help or the help of God can make that kind of change in him. Don't wait until his violent nature causes you to be hospitalized or could lead to your death or even that of your child. Just know there is help out there for YOU and go FIND it.
I am a happily married woman today very much involved in the work of our Lord, I have a wonderful husband and I lead a much different life. I had to take that first step and seek help. I know, you're saying to yourself, "Well that's YOU! But you just don't know my husband". Maybe not... but I do know my God. Trust Him and He will make a way.
I will be praying for all of you who are in like situations that God will give you the strength to realize you cannot make it alone.
Take it from your Sister who has been there, and feel free to contact me if you need to chat with someone who left and survived.
One who learned the hard way,
Ursula
 
 
"Painting is ŠTom Sierak and used with his permission
by Moon And Back Graphics to construct this set"
The music you are listening to is "The Path I Chose" by Bruce De Boer
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