Laura's Story

The Story Of Laura

All my life, ever since I can remember, I have wanted one thing more than I can say. I wanted to be a mommy. But not just ANY mommy, the mommy of a little girl. A miniature of me that I could spoil and put into darling little outfits, fix her hair in precious little ponytails and braids... that was all I ever wanted.

Just as my marriage was crumbling beyond repair, I found I was carrying a child. I had such mixed feelings about how I�d manage. One child was in my planning, but two??? Abortion was NOT an option! It took a while to get excited. Then I discovered that the girl I always dreamed of having was living under my heart. My dream had come true!

In the seventh month of my pregnancy my dreams were dashed. My OB-GYN said something was wrong that he was concerned about, so he sent me to a specialist. My baby was 1/3 of the size she should have been and we had to know why!

It's a long and depressing story: tests, therapy, more tests, amniosenthisis, blood tests, monitoring and all done 60 miles from home with my Mama taking me each week. I was sooo scared, but she tried to keep me focused by stopping for lunch at Red Lobster and sharing a big meal, going shopping a little before the appointment� anything to get my mind at ease, though it was never far from my thoughts. And we prayed, O, how we prayed!

Finally, the experts decided that she had too much damage to have lived this long - no one understood how she did. Their expert opinion was that whatever was wrong was so serious that if she didn't die during labor, she would certainly die from the strain of it shortly after. So Mama and I began planning a funeral for the precious little girl I�d wanted all my life! And I know that even though I had to go through all the motions, pains and strains of a delivery, I'd never hold my live child in my arms, or put her to my breast.

But then, even worse, they discovered she was starving - somehow she was not receiving the nourishment she needed and it was imperative to induce labor. But I had a severe reaction to the lotion they used and began to convulse and my heart rate rose very high; the baby's hard rate dropped to almost nothing. We thought we�d lost her then... but somehow she was a fighter and back she rallied until in the mid morning when a 3lbs 7oz. baby girl with a bilateral cleft lip and pallet was put in my arms for just a moment. A lump was caught in my throat � all they said was true. She was so tiny and pitiful, and her poor little face was worse than I�d imagined. She had to be taken to neonatal intensive care. There was my long-awaited baby girl� and the beginning of a nightmare. All I could do was cry! They were the first of many tears to come.

Once born the OB-GYN took a look at the placenta and said, "No wonder she was starving!" I asked what that meant. He showed me what was in the tub and explained that a normal placenta was three times larger at birth. "It�s a miracle she weighed anything, he mumbled as he walked out"

We were told that she was still not out of the woods. The next 48 hours were critical. With every day, her chances of making it increased for her. Prayer was going up for her all over the country and in parts of Canada as well. Even when everything was against her, she continued to fight, to eat, & do things the doctors told us were impossible. Right up till today, 10 years later, the word "miracle" is used by men of science to explain the unexplainable. She defied all predictions!

From the very beginning in the pediatric neonatology they never expected her to make it. She was unable to suck and had to be fed thru a tube in her mouth. Once she got her sucking reflex, she was fed with special bottles and then she took a little bit at a time. We�d call every day to check on her weight and how much she was drinking and were usually excited at the good news. No one could believe that she was still struggling to live! She was determined to survive. She began at fractions of an ounce then went on to full ounces! I pumped my milk because they said it was best for her, so that made daily trips 60 miles away to bring her fresh cold milk and spend some time with her. Feeding her was difficult as well. If her head and the bottle were not held just the right way, the milk would come back up into her nose and choke her since there was no solid palate. As soon as she was old enough, that was her first surgery.

Miracle of miracles, she was released from the hospital at 5 lbs 2 months later. From the very beginning caring for Laura was a real challenge. She required 24-hour care, and constant supervision. Sometimes it seemed more than I could take and I was angry with God for putting me in this position. Oh I forgot to mention that my divorce became final three days before she was born. So I was a single mom, very alone, lonely and scared!

There's much more to say, but I will try to stick to the highlights and not veer off the path of the story. She required multiple surgeries - both for her mouth and palate. She has a list of doctors a foot long and all take care of a different aspect of Laura's needs, all but her pediatrician were either 60 miles or 120 miles away, depending on the doctor. This has continued to go on right up to the present. She recently faced a surgery where her legs were broken and reset in a cast from her waste to her toes with a wooden bar separating her legs. This was so that she can eventually walk properly and pain-free. Pure little trouper, it�s been one thing or another for her since before she was born. But she has never complained� had a tantrum, been uncooperative or given her doctors a hard time. Her attitude had always been pleasant and resigned to whatever had to be done. Most of the doctors who see children like Laura daily say she is her favorite.

At present she is ten years old - still on diapers, still has to be fed, bathed, dressed, & given fluids with a syringe because she has no was to drink water. In short, for all intents and purposes she is a baby. YES, it is heartbreaking, but you know, there is one thing I must say. She is a happy little girl, always smiling and humming to herself - a loving child. She never meets an enemy and has not one mean bone in her body. Though she cannot engage in a game or play of any kind, she will hug and kiss you and she knows her family and our friends well and responds vigorously to their presence.

The first year was the hardest. Seeing other children Laura�s age progressing, sitting up, grabbing, touching and reaching out, trying to crawl then finally crawling and pulling up to walk. All along, Laura lay there doing nothing at all for herself!

Yes, I still sometimes wonder WHY, God? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this punishment? Then one day I realized that Laura is no punishment at all, BLESSING. God trusted me to mother a child many would have given away. My own doctors in the beginning said she'd never "do" anything and that I might as well institutionalize her. But after long prayer with parents, pastor and close friends, I came to the conclusion that God sent Laura to me for a specific reason and He never makes mistakes. So for as long as I can keep going on, I will. I�ll care for her, teach her what I can and above all LOVE her! That attention, in fact, is what her doctors feel is the greatest attribution to her continued health and advancement.

Before leg surgery, she had her own method of crawling and walked with someone or thing to hold on to. But what we didn�t realize is that it was painful for her to walk, so she did it less and less. She got around. But the bone that was protruding would only continue making her stop all together. As I said before she was put into a heavy cast from her hips to her feet with a wooden bar between her legs. Imagine changing her diaper, carrying her, her sleeping comfortably, just the sheer heat and annoyance of it!

It will take a year to see effects and benefits, if any, but we are hopeful this will not have been for naught. She now requires extensive therapy three times a week literally carrying her back an forth in what appears to be a mid-evil contraption.

Before the surgery, she could walk assistance; sits in a chair on her own and stay where she is put. She is a good child, never causing trouble with her siblings with whom she gets along famously: a 12 year old ADHD brother, an 8 year old half son who comes every other week, and her year old baby sister. She loves to hug them and be hugged by them. She is an extremely affectionate child who responds positively to cuddling, stroking, rocking and other such shows of loving attention from anyone, but I must say, she seems to love her Mama best. She calls family members by names that we understand and she never mixes us up.

She is a joy in that her innocence knows no cruelty, no hardship, no prejudice, nor feelings of being left out, or low self worth. She is in her own little world and she it seems to be a pleasant world for her, for she�s very happy there. I have no idea what time will bring, but for now, I just take it one day at a time.

Eight years after her birth, God gave me back all I felt He�d taken away (but I know now HE had taken nothing, but gave O so much!). I have a wonderful, loving, extremely helpful husband that loves Laura as though she were his own, and has been such a huge blessing to me. I could never have made it this far with Laura�s care at home, were it not for his loving support and physical help in doing things that my 105 lb frame would not allow.

Will wonders never cease??? Besides all that, a year ago God blessed me with my perfect little girl who is now a year old and perfectly normal and healthy. Laura dotes on her baby sister, and Alaina responds in kind. They all love each other, and we.. well, we love them all the same.

God made Laura and God NEVER makes mistakes. There is a plan and purpose for her life and every day it seems closer.

Hope M.

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