Jokes and Riddles

• Bad Roommate

  It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang.
  "Hello?" I said.
  A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
  I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored.
  I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
  "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
  "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
  Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
  "Is this Steve?"
  My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
  So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
  "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.
  I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00."
  A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
  "The girl he went out with."
  "I know that! I mean... who is she?"
  "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"
  "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
  She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
  She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"
  Apparently she wasn't.
  "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
  "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."
  I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."
  *Click*

• English lesson

  An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.
  A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?"
  "Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state.
  After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter?"

• 1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
  2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
  3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
  4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
  5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
  6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
  7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
  8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
  9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
  10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
  11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
  12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
  13 executed as soon as possible.
  

  Addendum:

  That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

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