Everybody's Fool

Even drink seems to lose its appeal as I sit here, hunched up at my desk, staring glumly down into a large amount of whiskey. It makes me gag to swallow it, but at least it is a distraction. A distraction from the undecipherable buzzing in my head, images of the past few miserable days refusing to leave my head.

Dennis coming back to the Square, God I had been so full of hope to see him there. Surely this meant the confusion was gone and he will have made his choice? That's what I had believed as I stared up into his beautiful face. I truly thought he had come back to be with me. But he pulled the floor from under me.

"I've come back to be with Zoe."

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need

Even now it doesn't seem real. Anger swirls readily as I recall, I mean, how could he mean it? He loved me.

The feeling that I have been punched in the stomach doesn't leave. The pain is massive. But I am strong. I will not cry. And with that, I steel myself to gulp back some of the drink, spluttering on it. It does however steady my hands.

How could he want to be with Zoe? A clingy, snotty, over-emotional little girl... surely he felt suffocated? Didn't he know I would never do that to him? I just can't fathom it, my head a pounding haze of thoughts that I wish would stop tormenting me. But I know they won't, my deepest fears and suspicions ambling to the fore.

Was he wanting a relationship with Zoe because she could give him children? So cruel, because I want nothing more than a child, but can I blame him? I remember how he looked at me, talking about the children he had hoped we would have together as we fussed over Bobby. If I can't give him that, wasn't it only fair he found someone who could?

I know it's true, can see the reasoning, however much I wish it wasn't there.

Momentarily, I feel a different pain, much more physical pulse against my bruised face and I wince, touching it gingerly with a fingertip. Battle wounds. Fighting with Zoe, pulling at her hair, scratching her face, anything to make her see that she was deluded. It had taken a lot for Dennis and me to build a relationship, and despite the fear lying ever dormant on the floor of my stomach, I don't think he'd throw it all away.

Not for her.

"Dennis, no, please don't.... you really don't- it was nothing.... just.... please-"

And god, that irritating wailing voice invades my head again. I sigh as I wait for her to draw closer. The door to the office is thrown open, making it slam hard against the wall and for paint to flake. Dennis stands there, breathing heavily as the result of physical exertion, his face set in unmistakable anger, which only moves to excite me. I squirm interestedly in my seat. Dennis looks so hot when he's angry.

"Sh-Sharon." he gasps, hardly managing to make it sound like he's casually greeting me.

Zoe hovers behind Dennis' shoulder, snivelling. Her eyes flash dark as she registers me, but I ignore her, concentrating fully on Dennis. "Sweetheart?" I reply, knowing full well it will rile the pair of them.

And Zoe glowers, the scratches on her face becoming all the more purple.

Dennis flinches, but wheels round on Zoe. "Just wait for a bit OK? I'll sort this, I promise you."

She whimpers like she doesn't believe him, but he kisses her and guides her outside to the bar to wait for him.

"Take care Zoe darlin', you may want to put something on your face, damn nasty scratches you have there-" I call after them, chuckling bitterly to myself.

Dennis strides back into the office, slamming the door forcefully behind him and I jump slightly. He leans in towards me, supported by his arms. His eyes flare angrily and he stares at me.

"Why are you doing this Sharon? Hmm? Why?!"

I stay unfazed, blinking slowly. "I could ask you the same question."

"You attacked her!"

I push my hair roughly away from my face and pointing out the bruise that marks my cheek. "And what's this eh Dennis? Scotch sodding mist?"

"Did she-?"

"Well I didn't step on a rake did I?"

And he sighs in exasperation, looking about him. "What the hell is wrong with you two?"

I scoff. "You may be many things, but you're not stupid. Although, maybe..."

"For God's sake Sharon, what is this?"

"This? This is me hating you Dennis. This is me wondering why you're wasting yourself like this when-"

He settles back on the desk, and I can see the outline of many muscles straining against his jeans. He chuckles softly and folds his arms across his chest.

"When I could be with you? Oh Sharon. Sharon, Sharon, Sharon, I thought you knew the jealous lover thing didn't work for me babe."

"Really, well how come you're down here fighting Zoe's battles for her?"

"Because I care about her, and I won't let her be treated like this."

"Do you love her?"

His eyes shift, and a silence envelopes us. I smirk. He can't answer. So I relax into the silence until-

"Yeah I do."

More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
Have you no shame?
Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled.

"You're lying."

"Maybe." he shrugs. "But then I'm not the only one to be accused of lying here am I Sharon?"

"Don't know what you mean."

He smiles, leaning closer. He too pushes my hair back, his breath tickling my ear lobe as he speaks. "Ooh, I don't know that I ever really loved him Zo. Yeah, that's right, you know I was stood there; and I know you were lying. So I'd say we're even wouldn't you?"

He pulls back, softly kissing my cheek as he passes. I stare at the floor, berating myself for ever having said those words.

"Babe?" comes a timid voice at the door.

Dennis gets off the desk and reaches for Zoe's hand, drawing her close. I look away, feeling so nauseated.

Look, here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder

I feel his unease as he speaks to her in a low voice, and I choose not to strain to pick up his words. He kisses her again, and she whispers her goodbye, looking so adoringly towards me. Silence descends again as Dennis closes the door after her. It's awkward, and it hurts that things could really have become like this between Dennis and me.

"I'm sorry."

He spins round, a look upon his face as if he is shocked to see me still sat there. "W-What for?"

"Lying. B-But there's hardly a worse time to tell the truth is there?" I tell him miserably.

"What's to tell? I know the truth."

I'm not surprised at that emission, but still it hurts. If he knows, then why is he choosing to play me like this? Why is he still with her?

Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending.

"What was wrong with her?" I ask, as nicely as I can.

"Doctors. She forgot. Dozy cow."

"Isn't she just?" I mutter to myself. But then, the deep rooted fear rears its head again. The painful realisation that I am the one alone here; not for a second believing that Dennis loves Zoe.

"Is.... is she pregnant?"

His mouth gapes. "What?"

"Is Zoe having your baby Dennis? Is that why you're with her?"

He shakes his head. "No. No..."

"Then why?"

I can almost hear him say to me "I can't have the woman I love." I remember, tremors zipping up my spine, wishing, praying, he would repeat it. He says nothing however. But why should I be fazed?

I push my chair back. "I think I should probably go Dennis." I go to stand in front of him and he looks nervous. "It's OK," I giggle. "I'm not going to jump on you."

Breathing a sigh of relief that doesn't go unnoticed, but I let it pass me by, watching in amusement as he flushes slightly pink with embarrassment. He wraps his arms around me, and I stretch up on my toes a little to nestle my chin into his shoulder. I spread my hands across his back and he squeezes me gently. I whimper happily, moving to whisper in his ear;

"Y'know, I could be better for you than any of them."

And he freezes, drawing back from me slowly. I smile. That got him.

Now I know she 
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled.

He blinks at me, startled. I just smile sweetly up at him, and he blinks, so slowly taking it all in. But it's inveitable his mouth will meet mine. Mashed together in determination and desperation. God I feel like I have just won the sweetest victory. I had been so right as I had taunted him. It was simply a matter of time. His lips work a desperate path across my jaw, down the soft sweet carpet of my neck. I gasp at the sensation of his teeth grazing my flesh; winding my hand fiercely into his tousles and wrapping my other hand around his neck for stability.

"You hurt her Sharon," he murmurs against me, not pausing for a moment.

"I know. But this- you.... not sorry darlin', so not sorry."

He needs me too much. He's hiding in a lie, a decision he will never keep to. He wants me. I'd always known it.

Without the mask, where will you hide?
I'll find you lost in your lie.

I drive him further into my neck with the force of my hand. "Please-"

I hear him growl under his breath, something electric released within him as he draws my skin into the warmth of his mouth, exerting a pressure on it that makes me cry out with longing. I want him, God he must know that, it's not like I haven't fought hard enough to show him.

His flawless lips move determinedly southwards, pulling open my blose as he goes, his lips sweeping over my breasts.... and oh God....

"Dennis, please, just- now.... here...."

He pauses, looking up at me. "Are you sure?"

I pull myself up by pressing against his shoulders, my whole body subjected to a raging fever, kissing him with all the passion I have to give. My hands, experiencing my desperation for him, fumble with his fly. He takes this as my confirmation and devours me again.

But then Dennis' phone rings. Shrill, shattering the perfect atmosphere. He freezes, every muscle in his body visibly tensing. 

"Leave it. Please."

Giving me a weak smile, he moves back from me and reaches in his back pocket to answer. I almost scream in frustration, but Dennis pushes a finger to his lips, calling for my silence before he answers.

"Hello?"

And his eyes cloud over. His face contorts, the muscles shifting to portray a look of absolute horror.

"She's what? What do you mean? Wow, wow, Charlie, slow down;" he says a little irritably as he tries to keep up with his caller's pace. "How can that- No, no, I'm not busy.... tell her I'll be right there."

He hangs up, replaces his phone and does up his fly, waiting several agnosing seconds before looking guiltily to me; the look of worry not gone from his face.

"I-I'm sorry.... I have to go.... Charlie..... Zoe- hurt.... hospital.... go-"

"What?" I cry, purely panic-stricken. "No, no, you can't. Dennis, don't you see.... I want you darlin'... now.... I need you.... please don't-"

But he shakes his head sadly. "Sh-Sharon, I can't do this to Zoe. Can't....we're... me and you... gone.... done... said I'd.... move on... with Zo"

"No! Not with her!" I insist, tears welling in my eyes as I rush at him and wrap myself around his rigid frame, littering his neck with nervous, scared kisses. "With me. Me. You want me, I know you do- you can't just-"

But he shrugs me off, and paces out, a look of disgusted sadness claiming his face. "Just... leave me alone Sharon."

He snaps the door shut after him, the sound announced to the room.

My God, he's.... he's left me here.... The realisation I'm alone in the cold dark room, the chilly air hitting my exposed breasts, I suddenly feel cheap. Cheap and dirty. Willing to give myself to any moment I could manage for us. And (hot tears splurge from my eyes) he'd rejected me.

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore.

Roughly pulling my blouse around myself; I scream, hurling the glass at the wall. Hearing it shatter only makes me release a sob, barely seeing the amber liquid run down the walls through my veil of embittered tears.

I slide down against the wall to the floor, biting my thumb to suppress sobs that somehow escape anyway, wracking my body.

"Bastard. F*cking bastard." I splutter to myself, paying no attention as my blouse hangs open. What does it matter? None of it does. Not anymore.

He used me. Yes, I had wanted him, I had. But I had never wanted  him to leave in favour of that stupid pathetic victorious little bitch. And never had I thought he would, so sure of what was; that it moulded what would be. No. Rejected. Unwanted.

All alone.

The sobs just take me over. I love him. Needlessly so it appears. How can I just rid myself of such strong feeling? I howl harder, realising that it is useless it staying there. To save myself from this.... the pathetic reduction, I need to rip it out. Waste no tears. Why should he have them when he'll stay with that little slapper, just because he's too afraid to live up to the truth we both know exists?

Coward. Pathetic bastard f*cking coward.

Rage burns inside me; thinking of all the promise he has broken, the insincere words he has spoken, all revealed in that one moment.

It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me.
And somehow you've got everybody fooled.

Yeah, I'd let him run. I need no-one like that. It hurts, God it hurts, and he'll realise that soon. And I'll be nowhere near. 

Let him rot in his miserable lie. Because I. Don't. Care.

It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me.
Somehow now, you're everybody's fool.

The End