On July first I started a count down until the 28th of July, I said that it was to the end of the world, originally just paying homage to Donnie Darko, when in actuality I was counting down to my birthday. Not until tonight did fate so have it that it is the end of something....... The end of this webpage.
That's right to all of you who read this, i've decided to stop updating this forever. Why you may ask? Well, the past few weeks, days and certainly the past few hours have all seemed to be leading up to an ending. In my recent past and my near future endings are ever present. Endings in friendship, life, school, living space, years of my life, ideas, eras and thoughts. It seemed with all the other endings that this might also be the most appropriate place to end this webpage.
When I first moved to San Francisco, there was this flower by the dorms which smelled really pungent and made me cringe everytime I walked by. Tonight when I was walking home from the train, I smelled the same familiar pungent odor from three years ago. But when I smelled it tonight I didn't think of how bad it smelled, but instead I thought of the memories from the time when I first smelled it. I thought about how many new beginnings that smell reminded me of. I was barely 18 entering an entirely new life which eventually lead to who I am now. Tonight I thought about how perfectly everything has come to an end and it upset me alot. I cried about it and walked around aimlessly for awhile and then I thought about something somebody very close to me taught me, which was basically if you are walking backward your entire life, you're gonna miss what's coming up. So, right now I may be in probably the most drastic transition of my life, but I'm going to focus not on how things were, but how they can be. I'll take with me the memories of what was, as a reminder of how good things were and that I can have that again.
I started this webpage when I turned 17. And I intended to tell the truth about everything I felt and experienced, and here I am 5 years later about to turn 21 and I think for the first time I feel that I am telling the truth. Thank you to all of those who have been there to read whatever it is that I have to say and to those who have encouraged me to keep going when I wanted to stop. Even though I probably won't have much internet access to where i'm moving. Please feel free to email me and i'll get back to you.
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