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| A LETTER TO JOSHUA |
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| TO MY JOSHY-POO, HI MY ANGEL. HOW ARE YOU DOING? HEAVEN MUST BE BEAUTIFUL.. I'M SURE YOU ARE SO HAPPY AND HAVING SO MUCH FUN THERE. THIS IS ACTUALLY THE FIRST TIME SINCE YOUR FUNERAL THAT I AM ACKNOWLEDGING YOU DIED. I STILL GO ABOUT MY DAYS AS IF YOU ARE HERE. I JUST PRETEND YOU ARE IN THE OTHER ROOM, OR PLAYING OUTSIDE, OR AT GRAMMY'S.. JUST NOT DEAD. YOU CAN'T BE GONE. YOU ARE MY SON, MY BABY. BABIES DON'T DIE BEFORE THEIR PARENTS. HOW CAN THIS BE? HOW CAN I EVER LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU? I KNOW ADVENTUALLY I WILL HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT YOU HAVE GONE ON TO A BETTER PLACE. AS THE BOYS GET OLDER.. AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO.. YOUR PLACE IN THIS FAMILY WILL SURELY BE MISSING. I FEAR FOR THAT DAY. I THINK IT'S STARTING TO HAPPEN. I'M STARTING TO REALIZE IT MORE AND MORE. BUT I AVOID IT. I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE YOU ARE GONE..... I'VE PRAYED SO HARD JOSHY. I'VE BEGGED GOD WITH ALL MY STRENGTH TO BRING YOU BACK. I'VE PRAYED SO HARD THAT IT HURT. I'VE CRIED SO MUCH THAT MY EYES WERE DRY. BUT NOTHING HAS BROUGHT YOU BACK. SO I'VE JUST GIVEN UP, AND PRETEND THAT IT DIDN'T HAPPEN. UGH.. I KNOW IT'S WRONG. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. I HAVEN'T BEEN TO YOUR GRAVE SINCE IT WAS PUT IN THE GROUND BECAUSE THAT MAKES IT SO REAL. OH WHAT AM I DOING? HOW CAN I LIVE LIKE THIS? ONE THING I DO KNOW JOSHUA, IS THAT.. MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL NEVER END. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SON, MY BABY, MY JOSHY-POO. NO ONE COULD EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE. EVEN.. 50 YEARS FROM NOW I WILL STILL REMEMBER YOU. I WILL STILL LOVE YOU. I WILL STILL MISS YOU. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THAT PERSON MISSING.. THAT PERSON THAT SHOULD BE HERE... YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED JOSHUA. YOU NEVER FAILED TO MAKE US SMILE AND LAUGH. YOUR GOOFY FACES AT THE DINNER TABLE ARE ESPECIALLY MISSED.. IT'S SO QUIET WITHOUT YOU. WE MISS YOU RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE IN THE MORNING, CHASING MATTHEW. MATTHEW MISSES YOU SO BADLY..... LIFE WAS A GIFT, AND IT WAS STOLEN FROM YOU. I'M SORRY YOU'LL NEVER GET TO EXPERIENCE ALL THE WONDERS OF LIFE. I'M SORRY YOU'LL NEVER GET TO GROW UP. I'M SORRY. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE THAT DAY, INSTEAD OF OUT HAVING MY FUN. I WAS SELFISH, AND IT ENDED IN YOUR DEATH. I DON'T KNOW THE EXACT EVENTS OF THAT DAY JOSHUA, BUT IF SHE HURT YOU.... GOD HELP ME. BUT I KNOW YOU ARE IN HEAVEN. I KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY, SAFE, WARM.. I KNOW GOD IS TAKING GOOD CARE OF YOU. I KNOW THAT I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN, WHEN MY WORK HERE IS DONE. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT DAY BABY. PLEASE GIVE MY ISAIAH A BIG HUG AND KISS FOR ME. I KNOW HE IS WATCHING OUT FOR YOU. I BET IT WAS SUCH A SURPRISE TO MEET YOUR BROTHER! I KNOW YOU TWO MUST BE HAVING A LOT OF FUN TOGETHER! I WISH YOU ALL THE JOY AND HAPPINESS YOU CAN POSSIBLY HAVE IN HEAVEN. I HOPE HEAVEN TREATS YOU WELL, MORE SO THAN I COULD HAVE. I HOPE THAT ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE. AND MOST OF ALL, I HOPE THAT YOU FEEL ALL THE LOVE POSSIBLE. I LOVE YOU ETERNALLY JOSHY-POO. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. LOVE, YOUR MOMMA ~A THOUSAND PRAYERS AND HUGS~ |
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