The Best and Worst - of Everything


A little economy here now - lists are usually the top of this and the best of that, and some - the worst; well, this is both. Although the page will grow over time when I suddenly realise there is an area / field / genre I have missed, for now, the bread and butter basics for any budding Listite worth the newly invented word, Listite - (there, said it again;- "Chambers / Pears? Are you there fellas?") will have to suffice.

Now, it is also going to be a little more economic than what it first seems. I know that quite often a distinction can be made between 'favourite' and 'best' or their diametric opposites, but, you're in Haines Rogan territory now, and so, it is all about convictions ('no previous, your 'onour, 'onest.'). So for me, favourite and best are indeed synonymous, on this page anyway, so if I drift between the two words, then, at least you know it is no matter as it's a case of one being the other.

Films

BEST - Zulu, by a mile. Released in 1964. Fantastic cast, direction, photography, egos clashing, great great back-story. And - although it is non PC to say so I suppose, a true story, near enough. The detractors of this film do find themselves hemmed in somewhat; their distaste is found in the glorying of the best and possibly worst of Victorian British Colonialism, to sum up their view, 'What were we doing there anyway?'. Good point, and one I agree with, on another day, and when that topic is in focus. But, the film as a film is damn near pefection. A true blue officer and gentleman, Bromhead, from a proud upperclass military family, played by Caine with sheer class (pardon the pun, and yet, his screen test was ironically dire), and the up through lower commissioned ranks courtesy of his engineering skills, Hofficer hof Hengineers, Chard, played with such bite by Stanley Baker. There is not the space here to cover all I want to cover, such is this film's superiority over all others. But Nigel Green plays the 'button up that tunic!' not over friendly / not overly strict Sarnt Major. Hook, played by the much under used in later years James Booth, British layabout who comes good when it matters. And finally, Jack Hawkins playing the sincere but alcoholic preacher who does his best to get the unit to move on and get away from the Zulus. So there you have it, my best / favourite film of all time.

Now, I am sure this will apply to other areas etc, but the worst of something can only really be arrived at by applying a little tampering / tinkering, weighting and of course omission. We all know there are still Ed Wood style total dross films being made, but, I am ignoring them. I am sticking to films which are presented to us as being supposedly worthy of our standing in the snow and rain on a cold January evening waiting to get in. Or, alternatively, for which we pass over Liverpool V Man U on the box to watch on telly.

WORST - The loser is ! (Or winner!). Bowie's dreadful Man Who Fell to Earth film. Some odd sci fi effort, I think inspired by one of Bowie's stage personas, but, that's where it ended for me, I did not know what the hell it was about first time round, and I still don't. Unwatchable dross.

Pop / Rock Songs

Similar to the films situation, there has to be some weighting and then omission. I am letting all novelty songs off the hook; because? They are novelty songs and presented as such. Again, it is down to mainstream releases presented to us as if we are witnessing Beethoven in action, but, in fact, don't.

BEST - Easy. Runaway, by Del Shannon. Great vocals, lyrics, melody, production, and, although it is never mentioned, I am sure whoever played that electronic organ / piano /keyboard or whatever, may have been the first to use a synth' on a record. I am not sure what defines a synth, but sure sounded like one to me. The best ever and always will be. Did you know Del committed suicide without ever realising the Travelling Willbury's were going to ask him to replace the late great Roy Orbison? Tragic.

WORST - By a country mile, no, that's not the worst song, that's its winning margin. It is That's Entertainment by Paul Weller. Is Rock music so full of lackies that they heard Paul Weller say, 'That's it, final mix down done, what do you think, fellas?'. Was it a case of 'Yeah, great, man!' 'Blow me, what a great song - er - Boss, it is payday you know ?'. This song basically, stinks. The singing is so so so bad, Paul Weller, on this song anyway, makes Shane ( Sean ? ) McGowan seem like Aled Jones. The tune is, well, is it a tune at all? The lyrics, well, these can suffer from other bad aspects of the song in-toto, so benefit of the doubt on that, but, my my, call that a high note when he ends the line? Dear dear. Nuff said.

Books


BEST - Another easy one. Pickwick's Papers by Dickens. This is a superb book which captures the scenes, the sights and smells and attitudes and culture and customs of mid Victorian Britain. Biased towards the wealthy middle classes, but as ever with Dickens' (and of couse semi biographical) the hoi polloi are well in there too. Basically, an account of a journey around the home counties to take note of the said culture in these parts to then report back to the Pickwick Club. The people met en-route, the ever mischievous Jingle, the adage-wealthy valet and coachman, Sam Weller, the timid friends of Mr Picwick from the eponymous club; gems, all absolute gems. One thing though, a long long book, even largish editions weigh in at around 700 pages, and even the font seems to take one into inner space, but, worth the read, a thousand times over. Why not do this? Borrow a copy and go straight to the part where Sam Weller is giving evidence on behalf of his employer, it is funny funny funny.

WORST - Not so easy, but my vote goes to : - The Ray Bradbury Short Story Collection / Compendium? (Cannot recall the exact title, so so long ago.). This man cannot write; I really do not care that he has made a fantastic living from his work, it is all very very poor; always the same - an exceptionally thin plot throughout without an ending one can tag as such. He is a great ideas man though, but I reckon his publishers should have said, 'You go in that room, Ray, that is the Ideas Room, we'll be in here with the typewriter; just holler when you've thought of something.' Not the same field exactly, I know, but, his TV adaptations show the thinness even more so. Avoid his work, don't watch any TV takes of his stuff, not worth the time.

TV Shows

BEST - Very easy, although, I do have a page on TV shows which covers this, so won't duplicate much here. The winner is - Frasier. The 10 years worth of this Anglophiliac snob with a heart, and his family, and his friends, is, top notch. Very clever writing, very funny, very well acted by the whole cast. If you can only ever watch one episode, make it one of the Cheers connected ones, the one where Diane writes a play about the Cheers years. Frasier watches the rehearsal from the auditoreum, then goes on stage to correct some perceived inaccuracies, then, walks off through the fake Cheers exit ! Comes back and says 'Sorry, force of habit.' A1.

WORST - Many candidates for this; - Crossroads ( Amy Turtle and Benny vintage ), The Mighty Boosh, (someone please tell the actors and writers for this - off the wall aint funny because its off the wall, off the wall is the take on the already funny (or should be ) material), but the winner is - East Enders !! What an awful show, just like Corro, so overloaded with pathos, it is sickening. Revels ( badly ) in the East End hard case - and nutcase - loves his Mum scenario. One bad time-swallower-to save-money of a TV programme

Bands


BEST - This is so so easy to answer - the Beatles. However, as I have a page or two on the Fab Four already, one of which deals with why I think they are the best, I won't duplicate it much here. But, I will say this : the very thing that people use as a stick to beat the Beatles legend with, is the self same thing I use to laud them still - time. The fact that they were only ever at the top together as a band for 7 years, is to me, one of the reasons why they are still the best. So much quality in quantity in output, in that precious short time in the 60s; to paraphrase Kenneth More as the Ghost of Christmas Past in one of the Scrooge films ' It is not the time you have to do something, it is what you do in the short time you have that matters' ( or something like that. ) Unusually, I will mention a few runners up, they could never have topped the Beatles at the time, and they certainly cannot now, but, they are all worth a mention. ELO - superb Beatlesque band of the 70s and 80s, good solid songs, production, vocals, vids - and beards. Also, Queen, also, rather out of place perhaps, the Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem. If you think folk music is / was always, a gang of old men haveing a sing-song, think again. Buy the 60s albums of these fellas, Youtube 'em, anything; they were Irish folks own Beatles, extant as a band for 99% of the same time period, and their records and performaces blew the others away. But, I digress, even with these worthies close behind, the Fab Four will always be - the best.

WORST Similar to the films scenario, one has to do indulge in some weighting just to see who is in the frame for this unwanted title. But, all things considered, novelty and cabaret bands given the BOTD, for me the worst cringe making band ever that for some reason, survived longer than most of us would wish, is ... Boyzone. Bloody awful. The only redeeming factor, but then again not really, is, there are many just behind who on the right ( or wrong day ) may have been bestowed with the title of worst band ever - Steps, Busted, S Club 7, and going back to my own era where I bought Pop stuff, Cliff on bad day, which sadly, were many. And that's it for now. I am sure I will be adding more to this over the months.




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