The hardest question in the world:
"Would you like your receipt with you, or in the bag?"
Why is this question so difficult for so many people? Many times I just get a simple "Yes", which doesn't answer the question, but I just stick the receipt in the bag anyway. Today I was dealing with a particularly old woman(far too old to still be living, in my opinion), but anyway, I asked her the question, and as I bent down to get my bag, she said, "Well, I will need a receipt."
I was confused, but used to this kind of shit, so I simply repeated the question. She replied, "Well, I suppose that will be fine.."
I sighed. I held the bag up in one hand, and the receipt in the other and made a motion of putting the receipt in the bag and looked at her. She nodded, and I put the receipt in the bag and shoved the merchandise down her throat. Actually, I handed it to her, but I can dream, right?
The Stock Room is a haven for shitty music:
If the world was being invaded by aliens, and their only weakness was bad music, the people who work in our stock room would be heroes. I walked back there today for something and as I approached the stock room I found myself wondering why I suddenly wanted nothing more than to die. Then I remembered that I was in the stock room, and being in the stock room means you are always exposed to bullshit in the form of sound waves.
I love dots, I hate customers
Dots are probably one of the best candies ever. The word "gumdrops" is just good fun, you know? So I hate when I put a dot in my mouth and before I get to take one bite a customer wanders up to the counter, and I have to take a quick bite and swallow the dot almost whole, getting virtually nothing out of it. Its horrible. It happened to me like three times. It may seem like no big deal to you, and I assume you've never had dots if you would say that to me.
"Do" now counts as a state of being:
Theres a new guy at work. I don't know his name, but he's Arab or Indian or whatever. I saw him walking by me and I said, "Hey, hows it going?" and he said, very clearly, "Do."
From now on, when someone asks me how I'm doing, I'll just tell them I'm do. I want to stay hip.
Don't break eye contact:
A lady came in today and would not break eye contact with me. It was a bit awkward. I wasn't about to back down though. I made eye contact with her throughout the entire exchange, looking away only when necessary. I'll give her credit though, she never looked away.
Intercom
At work, when you need someone, you just pick up the phone and page them. The other day the intercom was broken. So people were relying on walkie-talkies, and some of the conversations were a bit interesting. I was just sitting there, chilling, when someone screams over the walkie-talkie,
"Do ANY of the managers want to talk to me?!"
I wasn't sure who it was at first. All the managers have walkie-talkies and wherever they are on the floor, the people around them can here whats being said, so saying something like that seems a little rude, and stupid.
There was a response shortly after.
"This is Tammy, what do you need?"
"I'm having trouble with this catalog referral"
"Who is this?"
"Sarah"
...ohhhh.
Excess Consumption May Have a Laxative Effect:
I was eating a cream saver, because they're delicious. Bored as I was, I decided to check out the ingredients. Under the ingredients was the warning, "Excess consumption may have a laxative effect".
Thats awesome.