3-6-01

I can’t believe the news today, oh boy.

I just read about the school shooting in California. Another picture of students holding each other and crying. Bowing their heads into their hands. Another moment of national disgrace. Another time to feel nausea and despair. And our President told us it was “a disgraceful act of cowardice.” Yeah, thanks for showing us the enemy, Mr. President. Thanks for your precious insight into this disaster by making a confusing situation crystal clear. Keep us informed when you come upon some new and inventive labels for our upcoming tragedies. I hope all of you back in the States are still sickened when you hear about school shootings. I hope America is angry about it.

There have been two recent shootings in Sofia that have triggered national outrage. They have both been by off-duty police officers. One off-duty police officer drunkenly killed a man after a bar room fight. Another young girl was killed coming out of a restaurant. And there have been protests following these tragedies. People in Sofia have gathered to say a collective “no” to this kind of violence. And part of me is wondering, is this just a natural continuation of Capitalism and Democracy? Should I tell my students, “Hey, welcome to Capitalism! Soon you’ll have metal detectors at your school entrances, too!” Bulgaria has never seen such a rise in violent crimes. The mafia is big here – not nearly as big as Russia or Moldova (yes, Moldova). They unabashedly drive their Mercedes Benzes and count their US dollars out in public cafes. It’s here and thriving in this new and free market and floundering economic system. You can buy an “imported” BMW from them for a real good price. You can get whatever you want.

And I walk into the computer cafe to see countless young boys playing shoot ‘em up games – their eyes glassed over and inattentive to the spring-like day outside. I see the worst of American culture being bought and sold here – music, films and television shows. I see a country that has left a system that once provided for all and allowed each family a vacation every summer, to a country that is now grappling with a system that almost ensures a certain portion of the population will lose. Some people won’t be able to compete in the free market. Others lost hope a long time ago. Imagine not having enough money to leave your town. Imagine being “blacklisted” by Western European countries and not allowed to obtain a visa to European Union countries (this has just recently been lifted for Bulgaria, but is still in effect in other Eastern European countries). It makes you feel lesser. It makes you feel ashamed of your own country.

It’s so very easy for us in America to shout across our borders that competition brings the best out in people, when America has got so much to boast about. But for many people in the world, the competition was held a long time ago and they’ve already lost. I’ve seen that despair. It’s like a disease that spreads and it pulls you down slowly until everyone else is to blame for your misfortunes. It’s easy to fall back on. It can almost seem logical. It can even seem right.

So one has to look for some ray of hope in all of this. I think it lies in the teacher who gave me her book on Leningrad (now St. Petersburg) because she knows that Kate and I want to travel there this summer, knowing full well that she couldn’t afford to go herself. I think it lies in another teacher who spoke to her colleagues telling them not to give up hope and not to become negative at a recent seminar for PC teachers and their colleagues. I think it lies in our host family from Dupnitsa who had the patience to tell us all their economic troubles in Bulgarian and then continue to treat us like part of the family and invite us back to visit whenever we wish.

There is a tremendous weight upon our shoulders that continues to be added to when we hear about another tragedy. It can seem insurmountable and immovable. Bulgaria is carrying it’s own weight; it is the result of different actions. And I continue to see the weaknesses of all people, regardless of wealth, status, or ability to compete. But there is hope, even beyond our weaknesses and our inability to find a good answer. And hope doesn’t always give us a nice answer. Instead, it simply allows us to move on from our mistakes, without always answering the question, “why”, and gives us fresh air to breathe for tomorrow.

-Josh