October 3, 2000

I’m trying to think about what to write tonight, and I can’t quite think of one thing to write about. My thoughts are a little scattered. Today has been a “typical” day here for us, if there is such a thing as a “typical” day. Kate taught in the morning and I taught in the afternoon. I taught my 10th class and my two 8th classes. I gave my 10th class a test today, which I didn’t know that I had to give until last week. One of the teachers was reviewing my schedule with me and told me, as a side note, that it was my responsibility to give them a test at the beginning of the year. No one else told me! So I gave them the test and I couldn’t believe how stressed they were over this thing. Some of my students are, of course, very good at English and some are not so good.

I had an interview with a student from my 11^th grade class for the school newspaper. When she asked me what I did before I we came here to Bulgaria, I told her about my job as a youth director. She was very confused. The church here in Bulgaria is much different than it is in America. To summarize what most Bulgarians think about church is what she said after our interview when I asked her what she thinks about the Bulgarian Orthodox Church. She said, most Bulgarians don’t go to church, and why should Bulgarians believe in something that hasn’t helped them in the past? I’m in no place to argue with that, considering that I come from the land of plenty. When my colleagues make about $80 per month I really find it hard to tell them to be thankful for what they have, when I can go home to my rich country whenever I please. But there is a tremendous spiritual barrenness that is undeniable to me, at least, though I have met some people who are “religious” or “spiritual.” Bulgarians are trying so hard to attain the “western” standard of living and they feel like they’re getting nowhere. The government keeps politicking and the businesses are too suspicious to invest. Most of my students want to get out of Bulgaria and find a better life in some other country. But I keep trying to tell them that it is just human nature to want to be some place where we aren’t. As soon as they got to England, America, Canada, or wherever, they would miss what they loved in Bulgaria and wish they were back home. I think there is everything that someone could ever need or want here in Bulgaria, but how can I tell that to a teenager who has seen the glamorized and romanticized America on TV and the movie theater? One of my students is applying for the green card lottery this fall and I am sure he is one of hundreds of thousands, or possibly millions, of people who are trying to get to the States this fall. I am gaining a whole new perspective on my country, which I will not see for another one year and ten months, but I don’t think that I would ever learn what I am learning about my own country in my own country.

-Josh