"W" also stands for our dauphin in chief, the late and not so great last of the preppies, George W. Bush.

He is a wooden puppet, of course. That we all already know. But just what is it about him that makes him so marionetteish?

It is in the face. That stupid, simpering, inbred face, where the eyes cleave together, and the nose grows long. You could see it in the lies of Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon, and indeed those too of the boobtube potentates, Messrs. Reagan and Clinton.

I have nothing against our ape ancestors -- in fact I always find it quite comforting, if not downright amusing, to go to the zoo and look at the monkeys through the plate glass window.

But this puppetmonkeyman, this chimp, has amused us for the past eight years with his dyslexic -- nay, inbred-retarded -- focus on the world.

We are about to exit stage left -- or is it right? (right? Sang Michael Stipe), and I do not know if we or our nation will ever be the same.

The man was just so much FUN!

When the Mohammedan bastards hit our Twin Towers, they neutered us, in a manner of speaking. They cut off our balls. They sought to make the world a greener place -- green in terms of ROY G BIV, the mushy middle. So mayhaps that was what Islam was about all along. Once they got that shit out of their system -- all the bad dinosaur oil, farted out between the legs of the World Trade Center, the world -- indeed, our globe -- has become a gentler place.

Let no man, woman or child speak of antiglobalization ever again. We are united on this planet, and we have naught to go but up.

Mr. Obama will lead us. It is written in the hand of history, as with Lincoln, upon this, the coming bicentennial of his humble birth.

All that John Wilkes Booth -- and Lee Harvey Oswald -- and James Earl Ray -- and Sirhan Bishara Sirhan -- and Mark David Chapman sought to do, to turn the inevitable resurgence of the Garden of Eden -- will be undone. The hand of the Lord works in mysterious ways, sed St. Paul of Bonovox, and what a riflebullet can do spiraling through the ether can also be undone, and changed, and perfected.